Paragon Pro Wrestling 11/7/15 Review

1. Huggy Cub vs. Cowboy Kid Quick

"Two of the hottest athletes in the world today". That might be a wee bit hyperbolic there, announce crew. Huggy Cub is a mini pimp, Quick is a mini cowboy. Cub calls Quick "Brokeback Mountain". I actually liked the first half of this, basically up until the point where both guys gas hard. First couple minutes they do some fun suplexes, nice armdrags, quick bumps, violent dropkicks, really good stuff! Then they kind of hit a wall and noticeably slowed down, Quick went for an awkward springboard asai...something, and slipped, then got hung up in the ropes, then hung there by his arms for awhile...then just fell backwards into the ring. The announcer at one point dropped that this was an "absolutely incredible" match. 1) He cannot say "incredible" without qualifying it with an "absolutely", and 2) He thinks that every single match is absolutely incredible. Everybody must know this by now. Huggy covered up the Cowboy blown spot...well, really as best as anybody could cover up a midget dangling by his arms in the ropes after slipping off the ropes, but both guys were pretty tired at this point. They recognized this and went home a short while later, but the bloom was off the rose.

2. Ethan HD vs. Crash Test Cody

This was a perfect little WorldWide match. HD is a good worker with a bunch of different tightly delivered strikes, and Cody has energy, bumps big (really it would be a massive disappointment if a man working a Crash Test Dummy gimmick didn't bump moderately big), normally really good in his role. HD ambushes him with nice short jabs, great left hands, throws in a knee to the stomach, a liver kick, all nice things to back CTC into the corner. Cody fires back with decent jabs of his own, and some nice elbows. HD throws in some nice short suplexes, one with a nice floatover, and CTC peppers in his comebacks nicely. He knows how to lock in a nice crossface, and at least the announcers didn't get all clammy about saying the word "crossface" this time. Last time they danced awkwardly around it, as if they were afraid that saying it would invoke Benoit, Candyman style, who would then murder their loved ones. Good match.

3. Gentleman Brawler Eric Right vs. Darin Corbin

Not bad, but kind of ruined by a silly finish featuring interference while two chubby girls texted right in front of the interference. They were the two closest people to the action and they hilariously could not be bothered to even glance up. They looked like two people being held captive, half-assing an obligation. Huggy Cub comes out and steals the miracle tonic, leading to Right losing. But the match was fairly short so it kinda made Right look like a wimp needing to go to the tonic so early. Both guys looked good enough, match just didn't add up to much.

4. Caleb Konley vs. Wes Brisco

This wasn't bad at all, even though it ended in a predictable double count out. Brisco usually has about 90 seconds of decent wrestling in him, and then a switch hits and everything he does after that 90 seconds looks comparably worse and worse. His mat stuff is actually fine enough, and he'd look a lot better if he just stuck with that. Konley had some pretty nice mat exchanges and I especially liked Konley bridging up on his neck, while Brisco then kind of swept his arm under Konley's body to knock him onto his shoulders. I also liked some of his arm work on Konley, like a legdrop to the arm and an armbar over the ropes (even though none of it goes anywhere, so it kind of comes off looking like "I saw somebody do this before and thought it looked kewl"). But then that 90 second marks and suddenly he's throwing wooden clotheslines and doing a real dumpy looking plancha to the floor. Konley takes a suplex on the floor in sick fashion, but once this went to the floor it was clear this match was not going to have a finish.

5. The Whirlwind Gentlemen vs. Hammerstone & Chamberlain

So by my count this is the Whirlwind Gentlemen's 4th shot at the tag titles. It actually feels like more. And this feels like a bad sign with a title match starting with just a couple minutes left in the show...and sure enough, less than two minutes into the match Hammerstone gets DQ'd for not breaking a 5 count. It wasn't like he was even choking him, just punching and kicking him in the corner. Maybe H&C paid off the refs!?!? Afterwards the whole roster empties out, making for a fun brawl that really just made me want to see more Sugar Brown punching dudes. Manley and Marcel do big running swan dives into the throng of Paragon, making for a great visual. But wait, didn't they do this exact same thing like...two weeks ago? Was I in some sort of sleepy/drunk haze where I imagined both members of WG doing a dive off the ramp onto the whole roster? I'm not crazy right?

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 10/31/15 Review

1. Espiritu vs. Crash Test Cody

"You talk about integrity, Crash Test Cody has a LOT of integrity. He's a guy who is very respected in the locker room." Why does everybody have to have a thing? He's a wild guy working a crash test dummy gimmick, why are we talking about locker room respect? It's like when Jim Ross would talk about how Rico Constantino used to be a cop. Who could possibly care, and how is it helping his character? Cody has had better showings before, he's usually one of the guys I look forward to seeing. But this was designed to showcase Espiritu for some reason. And that doesn't start as a terrible thing. Cody guides him through some decent mat stuff, Espiritu hits a real nice dive, and things are going great! But then Espiritu goes on a run of offense and it's just kinda sloppy, falling a little short on a senton, setting things up awkwardly. Cody got dragged down a bit too and both guys did those kind of moves where both men fall and you're not totally sure who was supposed to be taking the worse end of the bump.

2. The Bonus Boys (Sugar Brown & Clutch) vs. The Whirlwind Gentlemen

This is the first match here for Clutch, but I'm stoked to see Sugar Brown back on my TV! Both are billed from The U, wearing gold and black U letterman jackets. And this match is good. This may have actually been the best tag that PPW has shown. Bonus Boys are clearly the best team in the fed, but neither guy makes TV much and usually only as enhancement. But their control segments over WG were good, and each guy's offense complements the others. Clutch worked an old linebacker gimmick, so had some nice shoulderblocks and a big cool standing Thesz press, looked like Vader's old bear attack. Manley is a good FIP and pinballed around for the Boys, and WG's little comebacks were all good (they sent Brown flying with a really great tandem dropkick). Every time I see it I like Manley's top rope clothesline more, and I bought it as a nice way to get a flash pin here. Fun match.

3. Darin Corbin & Huggy Cub vs. Gentleman Brawler Eric Right

Huggy Cub is a little person, whom they refer to as a "micro" which seems infinitely more insulting than calling someone a midget. This was supposed to be a mixed tag but the cowboy "micro" was medically unavailable. And this whole thing was pretty short. I did not intend that as a pun but recognized it as soon as I wrote it. Right goes for the tonic just a minute in, not much happens until Right locks on the sleeper. This was really thee definition of time filler.

4. Mikey O'Shea vs. Tyshaun Prince

Pre-match we get a long, awkward, uncomfortable sit down interview with O'Shea where he stumbles over all his words, talks about how his father ruined their family with his addictions and when he gets in the ring he takes out that aggression (but also said his father "wasn't a bad guy"). I'm not sure who this Pat Kelley interviewer is but he's a weird creep sometimes.

Also, I kept track throughout the show, and the announcers stated that this match was going to be "absolutely incredible" five different times. One of them also said it was going to be unbelievable. They also said the previous match, the two minute handicap match, was going to be "incredible". These guys are a restaurant owner's Yelp review dream team right here. There is nothing that does not impress them.

Tyshaun Prince has his standard slow, plodding brawl. O'Shea tries some new offense that doesn't look great (sliding clothesline to a seated Prince, low dropkick to the knee), but I'll give him credit for trying out something new. Prince's manager Christian Cole interferes at one point and jabs O'Shea in the head with his vape pen, which I have to say is a pretty great modern update of the spike to the head. O'Shea hits a pretty awesome crossbody off the top and something gets messed up and it looks like a 3 count, the fans chant that it was a three count, the announcers try to ignore it. Finish looks good though, as O'Shea goes up to hit the crossbody again, but Prince grabs him by the throat with both hands and turns it into a giant sitout powerbomb. So that looked cool.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 9/26/15 Review

Tonight, we apparently have "Championship Action"...well, of course we do. This fed has multiple title matches on every single show.

1. Joey Ryan vs. Wes Brisco

Tons of Wes Brisco fans near the entrance ramp, all in the same handwriting. One of them is held by a sweet little girl who then has to be touched by Brisco due to her losing the "who gets to hold the Brisco sign" lottery. That girl will look back on this day as the day she was forced to prematurely grow up. I think Brisco somehow has more tattoos. Maybe he thinks that if he keeps getting more that he'll look like less of a nightmare? Maybe it's the same logic people use when they have a baby to save their marriage? Ewwww. Brisco does a flapjack and one of the announcers yells "put some syrup on him!" Wes Brisco: No stranger to putting syrup or some sort of jelly on men. Match wasn't much. Ryan controlled a lot with headlocks and a decent cravate. The problem with that is you're building babyface sympathy for a man who I believe is actually sponsored by Megan's Law. Brisco threw a decent spinebuster, so that's something. He wins with a schoolboy and then celebrates after like 123 Kid beating Razor Ramon. That's...weird.

2. Gentleman Brawler Eric Right vs. Darin Corbin

This is for Corbin's AMERICAN title, which Right won but then had the decision reversed as apparently a sleeperhold is an illegal choke. And here Corbin gets a clean win over Right. It's kind of strange to establish Corbin as a guy barely holding onto his title, only winning matches by cheating or fluke reverse decisions, and then have him dominate a rematch with the guy who previously beat him. Right got very little here, as it was mostly Corbin working over the leg, Right eventually fighting back and going to the miracle tonic, but then Corbin just slips out of the airplane spin and hits the Ginger Snap. No shenanigans, just put Right down.

3. Mike Santiago vs. Crash Test Cody

So many promotion-made signs in the crowd. Must have been a new set of tapings or something. And this was disappointing. I like these two more than most people in the fed, but they have a real short match, CTC does a spit take a full two seconds after taking an elbow, match is kind of oddly constructed with Santiago playing underdog face until Ethan HD interference, and it was just all disappointing. Nobody looked bad, just a weird structure and no time to do anything.

4. Caleb Konley vs. "The Man They Call" Exile

Eesh. Exile is a big tall shaved head guy ("completely stacked" according to the announcers), with one of the worst pro wrestling names I've heard. I don't understand it. Edge isn't a good name, but at least you can justify it with some sort of "he's on the..." or "he lives life on the...". Exile is just...I don't get it. Where is he exiled from? Was he a political criminal on the run? It would be like a member of a Border Patrol stable being just called "Deport". They say he is playing "judge, jury and executioner", but don't try and make any statements like "He just exiled Konley from the ring" when he tossed Konley to the floor, or "Konley has been exiled from his equilibrium". Nope, just talking about Exile as if his name was Scott or something. And Exile goes over Konley real clean here, with Konley only getting a tiny bit of offense. Exile didn't look bad, I liked his northern lights, his kick combos could use some work. But it's weird seeing Konley go down clean without much fight, as he's been previously established as a title contender. This was clearly a new set of tapings as a lot of guys have new gear, but it's weird that they've also seemed to treat them like a bit of a restart for the fed.

5. Tyshaun Prince vs. Gangrel

Kiiiiinda ready for this feud to just end. Prince is not good and somehow keeps getting long matches, the longest on the show. The longer his matches go the more things go wrong. Here he showed he has no clue how to take a bulldog, uncomfortably taking a back bump, so you get the hilarious visual of both men running and taking back bumps at the same time. Earlier there was a moment where Gangrel took a bump after running the ropes. Nothing happened to him. Not sure what was supposed to happen. But he ran into the ropes, took a couple steps and then just fell over. There...seemed to be some miscommunication throughout. Gangrel threw several nice right hands, cool straight shots to Prince's jaw. So that's something. Prince wins after Gangrel gets distracted by interference, meaning this feud probably will not end.

This fed is really, really bad about building feuds and setting up long term rivalries. Matches happen because matches happen. Gangrel and Prince feuded, they had a "pine box" match because...well apparently Tyshaun is deathly afraid of having a wooden lid shut on him. But here they are, two weeks later, back to fighting in regular singles matches. The way this fed builds matches is just...lazy.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 9/19/15 Review

1. Leather Strap Match: Whirlwind Gentlemen vs. American Gunz (Ethan HD & Mike Santiago)

Hey this is probably the best match in the fed so far! That's not meant to be a backhanded type of deal, I genuinely liked this and thought they had some cool violent strap spots. It was tornado style obviously so you had guys beating each other around the ring, choking each other out and most of it worked. Santiago was really good at little things, like wrapping his fist in the strap before throwing punches, or getting choked violently with the strap wrapped painfully over his nose or fishhooking his mouth. All of the guys eat rough strap shots, everybody somehow avoids getting in the way of the others. Ending kinda stinks as it's that same 4 corners strap ending where the heel is dragging one of the faces around while he touches the corners, unaware the face is also touching the corners. But aside from that this was really fun.

2. Kevin Kross vs. Gentleman Brawler Eric Right

I like both of these guys and this was as good as expected, but it all lead to a pretty lame DQ finish. Kross has some of the best strikes in the fed, and knows how to do some cool throws, and Right knows how to work within his abilities and get a lot out of a smaller moveset. The match doesn't really have much time to flesh out, as Kross dominates him, Right gets a nice hope spot leaping onto Kross' back with his sleeper, and also almost gets to his tonic. I really appreciate how Right doesn't go for his miracle tonic every single match. He's really only gone for it a couple times during their TV run. It actually makes it work way better as a final desperation spot, establishes that he's confident in his abilities but understands when the situation is getting dire. Right gets the tonic and Kross barely gets it away from him, considers taking some himself, but opts to put it down in the corner. I like that. I like the sci fi element of him curious to try it, but nervous what would happen to him if he went down that path. Then Kross just gets DQ'd by hanging Right in the corner and kicking him a bunch. Lame.

Amusing Caleb Konley promo where he says he's gonna knock Crash Test Cody's good eye out of his head.

3. Crash Test Cody vs. Caleb Konley

It is humorous that they're now pushing Cody as a guy "with one good eye" as they've never mentioned that before, but I noticed weeks ago he had one weird eye. I dig it. And damn, maybe THIS is the best Paragon match they've done. Both guys kick the hell out of each other and it's awesome and relentless. No dull moments, just both guys going after each other with super stiff shots. CTC brought it and Konley responded in kind, hitting some real sick elbow shots. And that's the story of the match. Every move each guy did had some real stiffness and immediacy to it. Cody hits a mean cannonball in the corner, take a nasty throat first bump in the ropes, comes back with some cool wrenched in submissions (which one of the announcers refers to as the "Crippled Crossface". Eeeeeeeeesssh) and more nice strikes. Both guys looked really good here, and the whole thing was no bullshit. This fed loves doing bullshit finishes, so it's awesome that here we just get asskicking, with one guy winning decisively with his finisher. How about that? What a concept. So right now we have the fed's best and second best match, all on one show. Am I just having really great coffee this morning or am I crazy? (Shout out to Philz Coffee Jacobs Wonderbar dark roast. It's goooooood.)

I use the power of fast forward to skip allllll the way past Wes Brisco's heartfelt sit down talking about....well, whatever he was talking about. Whatever it was, I had zero interest in watching him say it. Even if he was confessing to all of his probable assault charges I would rather just read about that confession later.

4. No DQ: Hammerstone & Chamberlain vs. Wes Brisco & Jessy Sorensen

The announcers inform us that "this match will get physical". I mean...I hope so. It would be weird if a pro wrestling match somehow avoided getting physical. It's probably the one actual guarantee when watching pro wrestling. And boy this match stunk. Talk about killing all my lovely positive lovey dovey feelings for this episode. This is a No DQ match, that is worked the entire time like a totally normal, boring tag match featuring four boring-to-bad wrestlers. Even the announcers are confused as one guy regularly comments on how he was expecting this to break down at any moment, or wondering why guys were still tagging in and out and why the teams weren't just going at it. All of his thoughts were all legit questions. It's like nobody involved with the match knew that it was No DQ. So as a No DQ match it couldn't have failed more. But as a normal tag match it also totally failed, just because it wasn't good. The ending was maybe the dumbest possible ending the promotion has done, and there have been some monumentally dumb endings in this fed. Let me lay this out for you: Hammerstone and Chamberlain control almost the entire match. Brisco gets dominated (not bad as then we don't have to see Brisco offense, but at the same time that means we have to see his FIP face which is just horrifying) and then as Sorensen tags in, Chamberlain lays out Brisco with a belt shot. This is a thing that has been established for the team of H&C. When things go poorly in their matches, they bail with a belt shot. So this makes sense, and since it's a No DQ, it's obviously expected. Why weren't they beating these chumps with their belts from the bell? But then, instead of pinning Brisco, Chamberlain demands to be DQ'd. The ref shrugs, Chamberlain gets rolled up by Sorensen. Yuck. None of this made sense, and not only did it not make sense, but they went far out of their way to actually try hard to make it nonsensical. This was bad, awful, visibly stupid pro wrestling right here.

Two really fun TV matches, followed by maybe the dumbest match in the fed's history. What an emotionally confusing episode of television.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 9/12/15 Review

1. Whirlwind Gentlemen vs. American Guns (Ethan HD & Mike Santiago)

Probably the best WG match, though I'm not sure what that says. A lot of Ethan HD in this, and he's a hard guy to nail down. One moment he throws this awesome lunging back elbow, followed immediately by kicks to the back so weak than Jack Manley didn't even notice them to sell them. Did he connect too hard with the elbow, making him tentative on the other stuff? No clue. Santiago looks much better. I dug him against Gangrel a couple weeks ago, and he clearly has the basics down. He knew how to cut off Manley and did a nasty catapult to him, snapping his chin under the turnbuckle. WG work a really boring version of the RnR formula, with Manley always getting beaten down until it's time for Marcel to tag in, and the matches almost always end less than a minute later, with Manley immediately shrugging off any of the beating he took while all four men go at it. Marcel hits a nice enough crossbody, but WG are just a really stale team. They've worked the same match every week, and they are featured a LOT. Also, the commentary crew pushed this weird angle for most of the match, where HD and Santiago used to team, hadn't teamed up in "years", but apparently talked on the phone last week and decided to team up again. A 3 second search shows that these guys are a regular Portland team. I have no idea how it hurts anybody to just tell the truth. Say they team up in Portland, came down to Vegas to make it on their own, it didn't work out, so they decided to team again. That makes tons of sense, and it's much better than "They haven't teamed for years, but talked on the phone last week and decided to team again." I...don't see the point.

2. Wes Brisco vs. Darin Corbin

Could Brisco be from any place other than Florida? I mean this guy just IS Florida. Somebody who never considers it a bad idea to have so many awful, distinguishing tattoos. I'm stunned he doesn't have his name across his forehead. I think the theme of these "American Title" matches is "horrendous finishes". We had the one finish where a sleeperhold was deemed an illegal choke. This week Corbin lightly tossed Brisco into the ref, and the ref called for an immediate DQ. I mean this ref barely got grazed. Some casual viewers may have even though the ref just accidentally got in the way. But wow this was one horrible finish. Match itself was okay. Better Brisco match than normal, but he's still bad. His gator roll was decent. Corbin sold it by screaming. Probably got too much time for what was actually accomplished.

3. Joey Ryan & Caleb Konley vs. Crash Test Cody & Gentleman Brawler Eric Right

The commentators call Cody and Right the "Crash & 'Stache Connection" which is...pretty excellent right there. And this was a good tag. Even the match ending interference by Lisa Marie was done well. Cody and Right make for a nice thrown together team, with Right breaking out underused offense that should be used more (like atomic drops) and even goofier old stuff like airplane spins (and Joey Ryan is at least a guy who knows how to sell an airplane spin to a casino crowd). Cody always has an intensity to his bumps and strikes, moves quickly; he and Konley had a nice forearm exchange with CTC landing a nice shot, and Konley dropping him with an even harder shot. It was so much more interesting than two guys jerking off and dishing out 7 or 8 back and forth elbows. There was another nice moment where Konley went for a Thesz press and Right countered with an atomic drop. Made sense, looked good. Lisa Marie grabs Right's leg as he runs into the ropes, and it looked so much more natural than the spot usually looks. So many times you see a guy noticeably look and switch the direction he's running, telegraphing the interference. Here Lisa was a non factor until Right got near her, perfect positioning from her, and it led directly to Ryan hitting the finishing superkick. Good tag. Crash & 'Stache should stick around. That's actually a marketably catchy gimmick.

4. Chamberlain vs. Jessy Sorensen

The number of title matches in this promotion is absurd. Every show has at minimum two titles being defended. The only time they've ever actually built somebody up to a title match was when they built Whirlwind Gentlemen's EPIC two week journey to a title shot. Everybody else just gets a match with no reason, no build, no prior week announcement. Chamberlain is here wrestling for the top singles title, despite never even been featured in a singles match. It makes no sense. This match was pretty lame. Lots o' headlocks, many of them not good. As they do, at the first sign of trouble, Hammerstone ran in to interfere and end the match in a DQ. What made no sense, is that he attacked Sorensen, meaning Sorensen won the match. Wouldn't it make more sense to come in, do a couple stomps to your partner, get him at least a DQ win? That way he could still claim that Sorensen didn't defeat him, he was the victim of unexpected interference, still deserved his title shot, etc. It makes no sense. It's all to set up what's sure to be a lousy tag match as Wes Brisco came out to save Sorensen, and also proceeded to throw some downright embarrassing right hands. They were slow, they were a foot shy of the mark, and he didn't even close his fists. These were bad. These were Chris Chetti working House of Hardcore reunion shows level bad. Yuck.




***And of course for the foreseeable future I'll still be running a fundraiser for a very good cause. I've already gotten a couple of donations and their requests will be fulfilled as soon as I get some time in front of a TV!***

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 8/22/15 Review

1. Hammerstone & Chamberlain vs. Mercurio Jr. & Ethan HD

H&C are now being called Murder By Muscle which I don't think they've been called before. The announcers are smartly and casually acting like that's always been their name. Man is this fed generous with title shots. Not really sure what Mercurio/HD did to earn a title shot, other than be a part of a fed who needs to have three title matches every episode. HD hits the cool old Erin O'Grady apron flip rana into the ring, and Chamberlain does a nice little SUWA bump off a Mercurio rana. Buuuuut this overall wasn't very good. It doesn't help the ending has some time standing still moments thanks to Mercurio. Hammerstone tries to save it the moment by just kneeing Mercurio in the balls. And I can't unsee H&C's weird matching/not matching trunks ever since Dean pointed them out.

2. Espiritu vs. Suede Thompson

This is Suede's debut and I dug him. He had a couple nice go behinds, some weird southpaw jabs, high cradles. He keeps things moving too and doesn't seem to get lost like some of these guys. Espiritu kinda stinks and is officially the worst and least subtle guy in the fed when it comes to getting into position for moves, but Suede drug this one out and made it work. I wouldn't mind seeing more of him.

3. Crash Test Cody vs. The Challenger

So, I'm not sure how good Cody is, but he's a guy I want to like. He's got a weird milky eye, looks like an old young guy, and his name is Cody. You'd think with the Crash Test moniker he would be a reckless bumper or something but you'd be a disappointed human if you thought that. Watch as he grabs a chinlock on the tubby masked Challenger. But CTC has nice running forearms and you just can't underestimate the character depth that one, weird, pigment-free milky eye brings to things. Challenger wins and will certainly challenge other challengers in the coming weeks. It's a shame his backdrop finisher is not called The Challenger Disaster*.

4. Tyshaun Prince, Caleb Konley, Kevin Kross vs. Gangrel, Gentleman Brawler Eric Right & Mikey O'Shea

This coulda been so much more, but I guess it didn't overstay its welcome. Kross is the guy I wanted to see most in the match, so naturally he didn't get any time in the ring. We're building more Tyshaun/Gangrel long term PLANS which does not excite me. Konley is a perfectly fine chest out/butt out modern indie worker and I like Right more every match I see him. He leans into things and bumps big and throws a couple nice punches. That'll get you far with me. O'Shea finally does one cool thing with his fat by doing a pensive-but-still-fat cannonball off the apron into everybody. Fat being fat is always a win.


*Feels like a joke I've used before. If so, apologies, and feel free to tinker around with some joke-in-progress where Challenger ducks a clothesline, and how together we can call it a Dodge Challenger.

Warmest Regards, Eric.

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Paragon Pro Wrestling 7/4/15 Review

Came across this show almost completely by accident. It airs on the Pop! network, which I only knew about because we recently watched a TV show called Schitt's Creek on the network. I checked yesterday on the off chance they were showing repeats of the show, and saw the next morning they were airing a pro wrestling show. Looked it up, and as fate would be it is the first show that has aired.

This fed runs out of Las Vegas and does shows at the Sam's Town Casino. This may be the first time that Casino wrestling has aired on TV since death days AWA. The crowd looks awesomely touristy. There really does not appear to be many actual wrestling fans out there. It's all older white men in golf shirts, fanny packs and cameras around their necks. This truly looks like a 1996 WorldWide audience and it's glorious.

1. #1 Contender Battle Royal

Woof. First match of your first episode of TV, and you start with a battle royal. And it determines the #1 contender to the title, no less! During most of the entrances they show how Jessy Sorensen won the title from Caleb Konley in a lumberjack match, so then we get back to the ring and suddenly 15 nameless guys are standing around. I recognize Gangrel, Joey Ryan, Konley, Darin Corbin, nobody else. There is a large black guy they call Tyshaun Prince, he threw a nice punch at one point, big overhand right. There's a big fat white guy wearing a neon green singlet, but he gets effortlessly tossed to my eternal disappointment. There is another guy with a handlebar mustache who I assume is working some sort of babyface mixologist gimmick. Konley ends up winning this thing. I guess it got all of the talent on TV, but pretty pointless since nobody gets to look good in a battle royal, and everybody got eliminated too fast to learn many names. That was a rough start to your first episode of TV.

2. Darin Corbin vs. Crash Test Cody

The announcers inform me that "we are STILL reeling over that epic battle royal". I mean, it was a 6 minute long battle royal. Cody has a weird milky right eye. His left eye is brown, and then the right eye appears to be reallllly light blue. It looks creepy. Now, when a guy comes out working a crash test gimmick, I would expect him to be a wild and reckless bumper, but Cody hardly bumped at all. He did throw some ugly forearms, though! Corbin is a guy you know. He's a guy you've seen turning up on indy cards for over a decade. And he still isn't a guy you get excited about seeing. He didn't look offensive at all, but outside of his finisher amusingly being called the Ginger Snap, he offers nothing. CTC misses a nice cannonball into the corner. That was the most interesting thing that happened here.  Naw I take that back, Corbin took a drop toe hold into the bottom turnbuckle really nicely, really went mouth first into it. So two interesting things.

We get a bad Jessy Sorensen promo and then an amusing Joey Ryan interview where he grooms his impossibly lush beard and talks to himself in a mirror and then gets a towel delivery from room service.

3. Espiritu vs. Mercurio Jr.

This is clearly not CMLL's Mercurio, nor is it AAA's Espiritu. I have no idea who either man is. I do know, however, that the ring audio is off and appears to be about 3 seconds ahead of what's actually happening in the ring. The commentary is synced up properly, but yeah you can hear crowd reactions and them thumping around on the mat when nothing is going on. Espiritu looked fine here, I wouldn't mind seeing more of him. Mecurio did some slow mo lucha-ish spots and looked pretty low rent. Espiritu at least knew how to engage a crowd and had some polish.

Lisa Marie Varon does an in ring promo to hype up Kevin Kross, calling him the most vicious shooter and that anybody who faces him will DIE.

4. Kevin Kross vs. Sugar Brown

Sugar Brown looks like Bad News Allen and wears boxing shorts with fringe so I'm already liking Sugar Brown. Kross has some size and works some nice strikes, threw a good running knee, really great deep scoop overhead belly to belly, nasty Saito suplex to end the match. Sugar was here more to put over Kross, but got to do a fun tornado avalanche in the corner (that got no sold, but whatever). This at least established Kross as a tough dude, and made him look good in the process. He's really the first guy this whole show who actually came off as important.

5. Joe Graves vs. Jessy Sorensen

Graves is a guy I really like, and Sorensen is a guy who broke his neck in TNA, got told they would pay his medical bills, and then never paid his medical bills because TNA. If I had serious medical bills to pay I'm pretty sure "continuing to professionally wrestle" would not be one of the ways I would choose to pay them off. Graves looked really good in this, throwing some real fine knee variations, like his nice knees from the clinch and an even better sliding knee. Sorensen looked okay, threw a nice neckbreaker, seemed to be in position for everything. I loved Graves working him over with knees, and choking him out with his wrist tape. To my surprise, Graves wins the title with a choke....ohhhhh but then another ref comes out and reverses the decision to give the title back to Sorensen. Well. Nothing like having your babyface champ get dominated and lose the title on your first show, only to get it back on a technicality.

Well, okay. First show. Things moved along at a quick pace, so that's a plus. The wrestling was not inoffensive. The production was surprisingly slick. They aren't really bringing anything unique to the table, but there were a couple guys I dug. This is a strange show to be on TV in 2015.

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