ECW 3/22/97 Full Show
1. Tracy Smothers/Little Guido vs. Spike Dudley/Chris Chetti
There isn't enough match here to talk about. Joined in progress and the camera glitches throughout the two existing minutes. Spike's huracanrana looks good and reminds me of Kidman's. Did we ever get a Spike vs. Kidman singles? I associate their run with the era of endless WWF Cruiserweight 3 Ways. I looked it up. They had several dozen multimans and one singles match the literal first time they wrestled. I'm watching that Heat match later. The screen goes black when Chetti tags in and almost immediately everyone is chanting YOU FUCKED UP. That sounds about right. When the picture comes back Chetti hits the worst spinning heel kick I've ever seen. Tracy tries to get several people to swing on him after the win.
2. Axl Rotten vs. Corporal Punishment (6:33)
They take the camera around a tour of the ring before this match. Not a lot of women out at the greyhound track pro wrestling show tonight. I love a low ceiling dog track as a pro wrestling venue but I imagine it would be hard to coax a woman there on a Saturday night. I wanted this to be a violent teacher vs. student match and the crowd wants the same, and instead it's kind of worked as 2000s Dusty Rhodes vs. Black Reign Dustin Rhodes, if they were teacher-student instead of father-son. Corporal can take chair shots, and his elbowdrop and kick to the ear are as good as the best eras of Dustin. His punches looked good too, he took a nice bump from the top buckle onto the ropes, and if he had a better clothesline I'd start seeking out more Maryland indies.
3. Stevie Richards vs. Louie Spicolli (10:44)
I can't tell if Stevie's offense hits poorly or if Spicolli keeps bumping too early but it's much better when they're trading strikes. Spicolli has more than one kind of nice punch and good kicks to the stomach, and while I think he took Nova and Meanie's punches really well on the floor it also looked like Nova and Meanie somehow had great babyface punches!? Spicolli has a great gutbuster and works a rope assisted abdominal stretch spot and a killer bearhug for an ECW dog track crowd and I love that. His bearhug was shockingly great. He caught Stevie in what could have been turned into a spinebuster or atomic drop and instead dropped to his knees while squeezing the bearhug, then dragged him to the ground and held it there, even bridging into it. Goddamn that's cool. Match starts to go too long and Spicolli is working dominant heel with a knee injury. Stevie has no good way to take over a match, just no credible offense. He does a rocker dropper that looks much worse than the one Spike Dudley did to Tracy Smothers in the opener. Guy who already has problems with credible offense now doing worse looking versions of offense done by someone who is expressly working a Most Undersized of All Undersized Wrestlers gimmick. Spicolli keeps using that spinebuster to set up bearhug attempts so that when he finally uses it for a spinebuster it plays as an excellent spinebuster. The Stevie Kick actually looks like a finisher but Stevie did not wrestle like a guy who should be winning matches.
4. The Sandman vs. Balls Mahoney (7:19)
I don't know if even Andre the Giant had the kind of aura Sandman has on shows like this. I hate that pro wrestling isn't a place where I can go and see anyone like The Sandman anymore, but I can go to an arena to see Adam Cole. We fucked up bad. Sandman has one of the most threatening glares but also looks like a guy who could not give a shit about a single thing you say so long as you don't interrupt his beer drinking. Downing beers while your lit cig is still in your mouth is something Andre probably could have done but I sure haven't seen him do it. He facially he looks like the most fucked up Gary Sinise character. Sandman was bleeding from breaking cans over his head and Balls bleeds from four hard canings. Sandman takes two full unprotected shots to the head and then sells the rest of the match exactly like a guy who shotgunned several beers and took chair shots should be selling. He takes two different perfect guardrail bumps and lets Balls legdrop a chair on his face. Balls misses a guillotine legdrop and Sandman wins with a schoolboy that looked like a drunk losing a fight dragging the man down who was only trying to help him out. This ugly guy was trying to get him to walk away from a fight and got swarmed by drunk zombie weight. As it should be.
5. Dudley Boyz vs. The Eliminators (9:36)
This had a real good backyarder feel to it. Eliminators are a real pair of yarders and they're out here doing a bunch of mostly missed moonsault variations and flying kick combos that it looks like a bunch of high school friends wrestling in a swimming pool. Kronus is just throwing endless spinning heel kicks into the deep end. None of Saturn's moonsaults come anywhere close to his target, he's just a guy doing flips off his buddy's diving board and everyone screams every time his head comes close to grazing part of Bubba Ray's body. The Eliminators are not nearly as polished as 1997 High Voltage, but that's who they are. When Saturn hits a springboard missile dropkick right after losing his place (worse than Kenny Kaos ever did), I knew who they were. It's three minutes of the Dudleys being walked into position for moves that sometimes hit, and when the Dudleys took over their control was a lot more intelligible, but it was more fun when everyone was taking backdrop bumps and yarding. Saturn and both Dudleys take really great backdrop bumps. D-Von is tasked with the most difficult bumps, as he's the one taking most of the Eliminators' tandem kicks where they're out of sync but you still have to know how to bump for two kicks hitting you at different times. Dudleys do a powder in the eyes finish which I think is a great bit to run on an ECW show. These people hated that shit!
After the match Joel Gertner gets in the ring to celebrate the win and of course take a Total Elimination, but Sign Guy hilariously saves him and screams NO NO NO NO when he realizes he now has to take it instead. Sign Guy sells that shit like the biggest martinete in Mexico too. The fancam camera runs out of battery because Sign Guy takes so long being helped from the ring by two referees and a woman EMT who got catcalled during the entire affair. What did I say earlier about how tough it would be to coax a woman into being in this building?
6. Rob Van Dam vs. Taz
I have no idea how much of this we missed. After running out of battery while Sign Guy was slowly helped to the back, our tape went dead. When it came back there was some incredible fancam tape dubbing interference that felt like something made for a modern movie about a haunted VHS tape. There's a split second of Kenta Kobashi footage in between blue screens and tracking lines, our camera returning for a very long shot of a man's sneakers as he stands behind a curtain, next to a trash can. A haunting film about a man hiding in his own skin, afraid to face the people who he's surrounded by, the people he's pretending to be like. Anyway, there's only a couple minutes of this. RVD takes a German that lands him on his stomach, and an exploder through a table after that. I was surprised at how much better RVD's punches were in '97. The matwork that was ending when the match was JIP looked really interesting, but this match ended when Sabu slid in the ring to attack Taz, Candido followed to attack Sabu, and RVD/Taz just disappeared to the back.
7. Sabu vs. Chris Candido (14:10)
It's crazy how much damage these two took. I kept waiting for the match to gel into something bigger, beyond the surface your move-my move stuff, to move past this feeling of them constantly just getting to the next thing, and while it never did that - nothing really soaked in, nothing felt more impactful than any other thing - the longer they did it the more insane the match felt. The punishment they racked up was impressive, especially for a show that was only being taped by fancam cameras that had already missed two of the six matches. For all Sabu and Candido knew, this was only going to be seen by the trash populating this dog track, and man they went hard. Candido did his best to facilitate and set up spots for Sabu's craziness, and Sabu kept pushing through to do crazier things. All match long Sabu kept going for springboard offense, and regardless of it hitting or missing the landings had to have added up. Sabu took over a dozen falls to the mat springing off the ropes or leaping off the top, and that was just from his own offense, not even counting offense he was taking from Candido.
The whole story of the match seemed to be Sabu just crashing over and over, sometimes onto a man, sometimes onto his tailbone, and Candido getting more and more flustered by this man who cannot be stopped from self destruction. There was a fun thread running through where Sabu would hit all of his springboard offense but kept missing everything where he vaulted off a chair. Something bad would happen every time he introduced one of those ass killing hotel conference room chairs. He gets spinebustered by Brian Lee, flies into a guardrail as hard as Sabu flies into guardrails, and the biggest was a triple jump plancha to the floor that ended with him taking a thrown conference ballroom chair to the face as he was landing. The thread changed when Candido introduced a chair for the first time and it went terribly for him, and then Sabu started hitting all of his chair jump insanity.
A man with the most nauseating Boston accent starts really lacing into Chris out of nowhere. Real dirty, mean stuff. "Hey Chris! Ya wife sucks dick! Sunny's a whore! Your wife's blowing Sid right now! She's in Chicago, WITHOUT YOU. Chris! You know where Sunny is?" Good lord. Candido was good at tying all of Sabu's insanity together, punching him into position, knowing when Sabu's offense should hit and when it should miss, giving the man a PILEDRIVER off the middle buckle (that barely slowed Sabu down). There were no real sections of Candido control, they more just seemed like Candido trying desperately to slow things down while getting vile things screamed at him about his wife. But he was there to glue this broken vase together over and over again while Sabu took an absurd amount of bad landings for a house show.
After he wins, Sabu acts like he's going to dive through a table for the fans and the crowd goes nuts thinking they're seeing something he hasn't done in several years. They actually crowd surf a table over their heads from the back up to ringside while Sabu calls for it, and the second it gets to ringside he jumps out of the ring, tears some teen's nicely drawn orange Taz poster in half and tells everyone to Fuck Off, swinging on a guy on his way to the back. The teen, no doubt a few years away from a date rape accusation that he weathered with no penalization of any kind, is furious. It was a really nicely drawn poster and Sabu managed to rip it right through Taz's neck, decapitating him. As the camera films the teen, he goes off, his voice breaking: "Motherfucker ripped it. That fucking piece of shit! I hope Taz eats that motherfucker alive! He's gonna fucking kill him! Katahajime!!"
8. Terry Funk/Pitbull #2 vs. Raven/Shane Douglas (7:20)
This is a mess that doesn't stay in the ring long, and is clipped somewhere in the middle. Raven and Funk punch each other around ringside and I would have been fine if that was just the match. But Pitbull #2 is better than you remember and takes a couple of big bumps to the floor and is forced to take offense from Shane Douglas and make it look good. That's not always easy, unless The Franchise is just accidentally hurting him. Raven puts Funk through a ringside table with a pescado and we never see Funk again, and then Raven and Douglas powerbomb Pitbull on the floor and it goes terribly. Douglas couldn't get him up so it turned into a tandem Dominator (which I guess is better than a broken neck) and then Douglas punishes him further by actually powerbombing him through two chairs. Francine had set the chairs up. So...Francine was actually pretty great, huh? I don't think any of us can properly understand the amount of verbal abuse she received while drawing heat from so many mongrels. I didn't see any explicit directions for her to set up two unfolded chairs against each other either, but she's running around ringside the whole match setting things up and looking incredible while doing so. In the discussion for best ECW manager.
The whole thing ends with everyone flooding the ring. Tommy Dreamer runs in and throws a dozen of the worst punches you've ever seen, then Brian Lee and Candido run to attack Dreamer, then Louie Spicolli runs in, Mikey Whipwreck in jeans and a normal man's t-shirt that doesn't have all over print dragons or some shit gets chokeslammed by Lee, Beulah is out to attack Francine and hike her cocktail dress up over her ass, Rick Rude under a mask is out to protect Francine, and Pitbull schoolboys Douglas for the win.
Best Matches
1. Sabu vs. Chris Candido
2. Sandman vs. Balls Mahoney
3. Dudley Boyz vs. the Eliminators
Labels: Axl Rotten, Balls Mahoney, Chris Candido, Corporal Punishment, Dudley Boyz, ECW Fancam, Eliminators, Louie Spicolli, Pitbull #2, Raven, Sabu, Sandman, Shane Douglas, Spike Dudley, Stevie Richards, Terry Funk
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