Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 24: Macho Madness

TL: I want to want something in my life as much as Catrina wants a giant cup with ribbons on it. Also, I’m 1000% certain Vampiro never pronounced Sergio Arau’s name right once in all the shows he played.

1. Veneno vs. Mil Muertes

ER: Man, actual Veneno would have been so much more interesting in LU than Ricky Reyes under a mask. You've seen more violent Muertes squashes. I wonder who designed the cool Veneno mask for a gimmick they don't use?

TL: Man, I’m such a huge fan of Muertes absolutely mauling folks. Yes, there are better squashes, but it’s still worth it to watch him squash folks. He absolutely destroys Veneno Reyes in a way that seems like a waste of three minutes to some, but for me, in the year 2017, our Year of the Sprint, would watch 100 times more. That chokeslam with a twist that he throws looked nasty, like a uranage by the throat, and segues right into the Flatliner. Very much here for Mil Muertes squash matches.

2. Paul London vs. Vibora

ER: "Luchasaurus" has an admittedly better ring to it than "Lucha Lance Hoyt" but the end result is the same. London is an absolute psycho in this, really working vintage death wish London. He plasters Vibora with a couple stiff baseball slide dropkicks, eventually does a bonkers trust fall dive that Vibora has no clue how to catch, so London just topes en reversa to all the way to the floor, almost braining himself on Melissa Santos' seat on the way down. Rabbit Tribe holding Vibora's legs to prevent him from getting back in the ring was a nice way to limit his one on one ring time, and London will be much more interesting in later rounds than Vibora.

TL: Man. I’m definitely not here for a Luchasaurus singles match. I’m also really not here for a Paul London comedy match. Then London is out here bumping big for Vibora and I’m at least enjoying this. The Trust Fall absolutely got me into it due to its nuttiness, and at least they got the booking right with the finish. Alright, I’ll take it. Definitely looking forward to seeing how crazy London is going to bump for Muertes, and Muertes is gonna absolutely maul London. Should be fun.

3. Taya vs. Joey Ryan

ER: Have they dropped the investigation into Dario? I haven't seen any really bad cop vignettes in who knows how many episodes. Have they been doing an Instagram-only storyline tracking all of the movements made against Cueto? This was a perfectly fine first round match, and I thought Taya was really good at aggressively going after Ryan. Her punch/chop combo in the corner looked really good, and I don't think it needed the extra sound sweetening they gave her. Ryan's superkick to knock her off the apron looked good too, and she was smart for going after him with double stomps. Good match, and this was one of the few matches in the first round where I wasn't sure who would advance, and I'd much rather see Taya in the 2nd round than Ryan.

TL: Should have known they would have gone intergender with Joey Ryan. Now, yeah, this is a fine match, but has there been a deep dive on referee Justin Borden? Dude has two AA’s, two BA’s, three Master’s and a Ph.D. And he’s a pro wrestling referee!!! I just finished my first and only Master’s and am finding it hard to get a job and this guy is out here with all of the degrees he can keep himself warm with (Man, College Dropout was really good). And Joey asks him to count faster??? He’s a terrible undercover cop for not knowing how smart Borden was that he’s deliberate in his count. Calling BS on Joey’s cop credentials. Maybe if he got a BA in criminal justice. Anyways, Joey knows how to play off the preconceived gender notions very well and this is at least entertaining. Finish is a bit clunky, but nice to see Taya move on.

ER: I think I'm the only one who thinks these "pure sports build" Rey/Mundo promos have been really lame. It's already fast forward material for me as I cannot stand Michael Schiavello, but I think this kind of "real sports" build is completely pointless in Lucha Underground. They've established a weird fantasy universe where several of their wrestlers have recently murdered people, some people are actual evil time traveling spirits, several people are not 100% human, that trying to do an MMA style tale of the tape build comes off entirely silly to me. But, I really liked Crane's locker room beatdown of Mil Muertes!

TL: Lucha masks and suits will never not be cool. The beatdown was good, but hearing Callahan say “She’s mine!” after what’s been alleged against him is, well, problematic to say the least. Real sport build really needed Cage with his power glove beating up the interviewer. Absolutely over this and I can’t believe I was into this two episodes ago.

4. Jeremiah Crane vs. Killshot

ER: I don't really know what to say about this match. I got a lot more time than every other first round match so far, and they certainly made it their business to do everything they could with that extra time. They did a lot. LU used that one SLAP sound effect they have probably 35 times. So you know guys were hitting each other, because the SLAP sound told us. The problem I had with most of this revolved around Killshot. He's clearly athletic, and can do things that I wouldn't ever be able to do, but his entire tone never changes. He works the first second of the match the same way he works the last second. He doesn't sell, he merely occasionally lets the other guy do moves. He's not having a conversation with his opponent, he's the guy waiting for his opponent to finish talking so it's his turn to talk again. So while it looks awesome when Crane runs all the way around the ring and plasters Killshot into the wall and through several chairs with a cannonball, you also know it's not going to do anything to slow Killshot down (unless it's during those moments where he merely goes into shutdown mode before being reactivated). If instead of making him an army sharpshooter they had made him into a Six Million Dollar Man rebuilt half-robot, then his style would make a lot more sense. Crane eventually gets the pin by dumping Killshot on his head with an underhook piledriver/powerbomb, but Killshot bounced off his head a few times in the match already, and took a few nasty kicks to the back of the head. I'm not sure why this particular shot hurt him any more than those other shots. And I still don't understand what his finisher is. He jumps off the top and lands with his feet on either side of his opponent. I just watched 15 minutes of him landing strikes and suplexes and things that looked much more painful and all somehow had the same SLAP sound effect, so I truly don't know what that move is supposed to be, or why it is somehow worse than the other two dozen moves he successfully landed.

TL: The first six minutes of this match take place entirely on the outside and is done in a way that never got me into the match. When you trade dives like that to the point where none of them mattered, I have no idea how you’re supposed to convince me anything else matters in the match. Really over any spit-based offense from Crane, too. He’s no Haruka Eigen, damn it. And yeah, after that Cannonball, how is Killshot even up and doing any offense with force behind it? And then all his athletic based offense? It’s just spots for spots worth. He sells no pain. They only sell until the next spot, then everything is all right. Both guys hit their stuff as crisp as ever with as much force behind it that they’re essentially superhuman. The crowd eats it up because it’s a bunch of cool looking stuff, but the match itself had zero substance and really played into the worst possible impulses of both guys. When Vampiro talks about Crane selling his jaw and then he basically just goes over and grabs a Dragon Sleeper with suddenness two seconds later, you’ve lost me. It’s amazing to think that Crane thinks he’s a top-flight wrestler at this point when he’s had the Finlay matches under his belt and decided to go seemingly the opposite way of what made those matches great. Yeah, a lot of that was due to Finlay, but man, at least there was attention to detail there. Here, there was none. Strickland didn’t sell a damn thing.

TL: Wait, why does Muertes get the lights out effect and you can’t even let Cage pound his damn Power Glove into the mat??? Unreal.

ER: I don't know who Son of Madness is, but I know an impressive beard when I see it, and the guy has a legendary beard. I REALLY hope we build to a Loser Shaves His Beard match. It writes itself.

TL: Okay, please forgive my ignorance, but it literally took me three seasons of this show to realize that with the Son of Havoc/Madness stuff and them being from the “Open Road” that it’s a play on Sons of Anarchy. Man I feel dumb.

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