The Comprehensive Segunda Caida Review of nWo Souled Out, Part 2

When we last left off with our comprehensive, unauthorized review of nWo Souled Out, WCW President Eric Bischoff was planning the dick swing of all dick swings with Cedar Rapids mayor Lee Clancey: Bringing the superstars of World Championship Wrestling to the land that the Meskwaki Indians (known as the Fox Tribe to some) originally settled on the banks of the Red Cedar River.

Lee Clancey, the mayor with the most racist sounding name in Cedar Rapids history, was always looking for ways to stick Dubuque Second Ward Representative Roy D. Buol's nose right in the shit, and there was no better way to do that than by hosting a professional wrestling pay per view spectacular.

Buol sat in his tasteful yet erotic office located on the historic west side of Dubuque. It was a balmy January afternoon. He had just finished his bag lunch, packed lovingly by his wife of 17 years, Sheila.  One cheese sandwich (wheat bread, touch of mayo to prevent dryness), a banana and a half thermos of soup*. After having just experienced the "best Autumn of his life", Buol was ready to get back to the business of the day: supervising administrative officers, formulating policies, exercising city powers in regards to the future development of the city, etc.

Suddenly, a knock at the door.

It was his secretary, also named Sheila. She had arrived with an opened stack of mail for him to peruse. One letter immediately stood out, from a Mr. Eric A. Bischoff. The envelope had crudely executed, obscene drawings on the outside, appearing to depict various acts of bestiality, and also the word "boobs" scrawled several times in different fonts. The scribblings were such that it appeared to have been drawn using a non-dominant hand. Upon further inspection, Second Ward Rep Buol found no postage. Whomever had sent this to him had clearly had it dropped off in person. He hastily pulled out the contents of the manila envelope and found one simple sheet of cheap paper. On it was printed:

SUBJECT: Women in your Area. Come Over Tonight.


"Women what we think you might know are sharing discreet pics of themselves.

They are posting these pics on an Adults Only one night stand community.

We are going to allow you to view these pictures of women that you may know.

We will also allow you to contact them to see if they would like to have a one night stand with you.

We think you know some of them because they live near your zip code.

These ladies are looking for casual discreet affairs. You may recognize them right away, due to the high population of whores presently residing in Dubuque.

You can contact any women you see at this community and ask them out.

Or you can just flirt with them. But you should try and set up an intimate date with some of them."

The letter was not signed, but there was a phone number written on the back. He immediately recognized the number as that of his own mother, below which was written "Go to your window". Enraged and feeling his face getting hot, Buol went to his window and breathed in sharply through his nose when he saw, sprayed in some kind of foam onto the side of his newly leased Toyota Tercel "ROY BOUL'S [sic] MOTHER GETS IT".

Buol breathed out heavily through his nose, felt his teeth grind as he clenched his jaw.

"SHEILA!!"

Buol gruffly shouted towards his closed office door.

"GET THAT ASSHOLE LEE CLANCEY ON THE PHONE!"


To Be Continued.....


*Conflicting documents were found on exactly what soup Buol had, as one commonly cited report refers to his frequently eaten chicken noodle soup, while another document listed a soup exotically referred to as "reduced sodium cracked pepper tomato soup". I'm inclined to believe it was the former, as I'm unsure whether the concept of cracked pepper had infiltrated the greater Corn Belt area by 1997. Since I could not find definitive documentation on Mr. Buol's soup that day, I felt it wouldn't be fair to speculate either way.


Part I