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Phil Schneider, Eric Ritz, Matt D and occasional guests write about pro wrestling. Follow us @segundacaida

Sunday, May 01, 2016

WWE Payback 2016 Live Blog

1. Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler

ER: I am far far behind on NXT so I don't know if Corbin is special or not, don't know what his whole angle is other than he seems to glower a lot. And he has pants that were seemingly drawn by Rob Liefeld. Look at all those satchels and pockets and belts and patches and things tied onto other things! And this match was okayish, for a match that most people won't watch on a pre-show. The pretend it's a big deal that Corbin lost for the first time, but he's been on the roster what, for one PPV? He's had maybe 2? 3? TV matches. So he's perhaps 3-1 now. That's not a big deal. But that withstanding, what's the point of having him lose on the PPV pre-show? He's one month removed for winning the proven-not-big-deal WM Battle Royal, so I guess this establishes he can win a meaningless battle royal but not a singles match? I can't really get a read on him as a worker but he seems pretty bland. He has bad aim on things like big boots, though threw a decent right hand at one point and earned some points for shaking his hand out afterwards. Ziggler wrestled like Corbin were Big Show size, though in fairness Ziggler would probably still wrestle that way against Kalisto. This match definitely happened on the pre-show.

2. Kalisto vs. Ryback

ER: Man, US Title defended on the pre-show for a few PPVs in a row now. I dug their match before Mania so this could be good. Oh man, not only is Ryback wearing an awesome weight belt, but it even says "Pre-Show Stopper". That's incredible. And WOW then Ryback completely saves Kalisto from braining himself on the ring apron, so Ryback is officially on fire in this one. Ryback is an amusing base for Kalisto, he's good at catching DDTs and good at teasing suplexes, and also tossing him violently. The DDT apron spot was awesome, and then Ryback flies into a Kalisto crossbody, then leans face first into a spinkick. He's been cutting low on clotheslines meant to miss, and really is having a nice night. He truly is the pre-show stopper. Still think they went home WAY too early, as Ryback does a mammoth gorilla press off the top rope, I mean just a crazy spot. But Kalisto hardly sells it as he has to get up to dodge Ryback's big splash. Still, overall a fun match.

3. Vaudevillains vs. Enzo & Big Cass

ER: Really liked the opening Gotch/Enzo match stuff, with the neat monkeyflip into armbar roll through, then English tagging in and doing the awesome block on a drop toehold. It reminded me of something Finlay might do, and as I'm thinking that JBL says the same thing. Gotch tosses Enzo to the floor and he does this great unintentional "Vince not knowing how to get thrown out of the ring" bump as he flies face and neck first into the bottom rope. Good lord that looked nasty. Annnnnd it's looking like a legit injury. That sucks. Regardless of what you think about their act (and for me, they're already tired), you don't want a guy to go out like that in his big opportunity. Bummer.

4. Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn

ER: Owens starts off in dickhead mode which is great, as he launches Zayn into the steps, kicks him in the shoulder, stands on his arm, gives him a front suplex into the ropes which Zayn does a fun spring-y bump for. I think Cole has called Blue Thunder Bomb like 3 times this match. It's the new "JR calls every Dudley move the 3D". Owens hits a really great frog splash. I love when you see camera flashes when they show a move in slow motion. I always think "Aw, somebody got a really nice photo!" That arm clutch/half nelson suplex was brutal, but I'm beyond tired of the instant pop up lariat. I mean....we ALL got tired of that 15 years ago right? They go out to fight on the apron, for the sole purpose of one of them eventually taking a bump on the apron. Owens does, then takes Zayn's tope DDT. But no matter as back in the ring Owens hits a superkick and powerbomb for the win. This started really good and devolved pretty quick into the same sequences you've seen these guys work for years. I liked the early heel work, disliked the move trading kickouts. And then Owens goes to sit in on commentary and he's just fine. That match against Zayn wun't even a thang.

5. The Miz vs. Cesaro

ER: This match has been disappointing. People say Miz has improved, but he still does a lot of little things poorly. He leans out of strikes or puts his hands way in front of his face, and man if we're going to spend this much of a match in a body vice/sleeper you need to make it look way better than that. Maybe it's just because I've watched a couple Fred Yehi matches today but this was a weenie body vice. Maryse at ringside was far better than Miz in this. And it's a major problem that the skull crushing finale looks weaker than any offense Cesaro did throughout the match. Finish was a dud but sets up more matches (and Cesaro , and watch how terribly Miz takes Cesaro's Gotch piledriver. Couldn't even take a front bump, had to tuck the knees. I am not looking forward to more Miz title defenses.

6. Chris Jericho vs. Dean Ambrose

ER: Man this match just feels like death and the bell hasn't even been rung. Ambrose has been real sloppy and lazy with his offense, and Jericho is a guy who looks terrible taking offense now, they're really just terrible counterparts for each other. I have no clue what Jericho is even going for any more. He wants to be all fast workrate guy but he is terribly slow and has super dated offense at this point, and he still wants to use some in-match yuks and jokes, but can't stooge or bump well enough for a guy that could work with some good heel yuks and jokes. And then there are just awkward moments like Ambrose standing and waiting to get hit with the piddliest double axe handle you've seen. Did something get crossed up? Was that supposed to hit? If that was supposed to hit, was it actually supposed to look like THAT? Man this shit is going looooong. When Enzo went down hurt we were all wondering what match/segment would get extra time, you just fucking KNEW it was going to be the Jericho match. Give that extra time to your workrate superstar!!! You kinda need that extra time for all the extra time guys have to stand around waiting to take Jericho's #trademarkoffense. That turnaround enziguiri felt like it took an eternity to pull off.

7. Charlotte vs. Natalya

ER: I really don't care much about these two. And their timing seems really stilted in the first couple minutes. That rope running/drop down sequence was really slow and awkward. They're in full "having a WAR" mode, which just means we breathe harder and lie on the mat longer and making shocked faces when a very normal move doesn't get a 3 count. Natalya is selling like she's been lost in the desert for several days. Oh, brother, then we get Montreal. Fucking 19 years later. I just got my fucking driver's license when that shit originally happened. Natalya couldn't walk or use her knee for the last 10 minutes but she has no problem walking around after the match and getting into a deep squat to do a sharpshooter on Charlotte. Seriously Natalya lied on the mat for the last 50% of this match, and now she's walking completely normal. What's a SHOOT and what isn't!?!? Controversy CREATES CASH!!! Man the last half hour plus has been fucking death.

Forgive me while I don't watch one second of McMahons. This angle was why I had to sit through that horrific Shane match, right?

Boy I keep checking back from doing other things and we are STILL not at the next match. What in the hell is actually happening!?

Alright, got to watch a full episode of Bob's Burgers waiting for wrestling to come back on to a wrestling PPV!!  And did something happen to Jojo? Or is she just deemed not worthy of announcing later in the card matches?

8. AJ Styles vs. Roman Reigns

ER: Man AJ's haircut is bad. Bad length, bad style, it even has that annoying crimp at the end so you know he's been wearing it in a ponytail all day. Yuck. Roman is clearly working heel and I like it. I dig everything I've seen so far, like the Calf Crusher, Roman's big ass delayed sit out powerbomb, and then hot damn that flying forearm through the table was vicious. And hahahahaha we get a count out finish. Oh, but Shane McMahon is out because remember he's the guy who puts on a good show!! Not like all these dogshit terrible shows that have been put on by people with the goal of putting on dogshit terrible shows the last several years. Why didn't he come out and reverse the Montreal finish? Was he in the restroom when it happened? Or does his magic GM powers only exist for main events and men matches? But now there's a low blow that didn't look like a low blow so Steph can come out and flex HER GM POWERS. This is so fucking brainlessly terrible. Roman took that clothesline over the barricade like a man. Too bad about all the horseshit in this match because both guys have looked really good. So the stoppages completely cut the dick off this thing, and they were STILL able to craft an exciting match. They work Gallows/Anderson's interference nicely into the whole mess, craft a couple good nearfalls (the one where Reigns got his foot on the ropes legit made me think Styles was winning), cool moment with Reigns pushing Styles off the top into the throng of interferers, and yeah both guys worked a real nice match. Shame, then, that they were not the true stars of the match. So fucking sick of the hack McMahon children.

Wow, that was mostly a terrible PPV. Reigns/AJ was a MOTYC based on the work, but that work had to take a backseat to GM DRAMA!! Kalisto/Ryback had a fun Superstars match, Zayn/Owens had their 17th best match together, but man was this show some shit.

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1 Comments:

Anonymous John said...

Please provide WWE Payback 2017 match cards.

2:24 PM  

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