R.I.P. All Japan Motherload - Terry Funk

Months back I wrote up several rare late 70s/early 80s AJPW matches that had been uploaded by mysterious Japanese benefactor SKK, who seemingly got ahold of a bunch of footage that nobody had ever seen before. There were some real gems in the lot, but I took a break to write about other things and intended to go back. Literally the day I decided to go back and dive into his collection, was the day his page got torpedoed. Crushed. Obviously this stuff just needs to be removed from the internet. We can't have weirdoes watching Bill Irwin matches from 35 years ago. Thanks, universe. And also, thanks, universe.

Terry Funk vs. Tor Kamata - AJPW 12/3/79

This is my favorite Tor Kamata match! Which, yes, is like choosing your favorite nu metal band. Except this is good! This is the hardest I've seen Kamata work, and Funk is really great at putting over offense of guys like Kamata. Funk can make a gassed Kamata chinlock look good, and Kamata did gas out, but he did so nobly, by doing a too-much-fun arm drag sequence with Funk. Two large men working like late 70s Ricky Steamboats, Tor taking multiple armdrags and rolling through the bumps to run up and into more armdrags, then get tossed on a fun monkey flip/back drop. Kamata also drops a fine kneedrop across Terry's chest. Funk punches him a bunch and then we get one of the more amusing ref bump sequences I've seen, as Terry gets a nice nearfall on a small package and then grabs an abdominal stretch. As the ref leans in to check on Kamata, he hip tosses Funk onto the ref! And Terry is great at flopping on the poor ref. The next move Terry takes he makes sure to do an exaggerated "Rock taking the Stunner" sell so that he goes out of his way to flop on the still downed ref, again. This ref also has brittle bone disease (probably) which causes a man falling onto him to knocked him out, and this gives Kamata ample time to cheat with a chain and choke Funk the hell out. 

It's all thrown out, and then the real fighting begins as Kamata gets busted open huge and his whole face is bloody, and we all remember how much we fucking miss blood in professional wrestling. I'm going to press up trucker hats that say "Make America Blade Again". Kamata bails to the floor and uproots one of those strands of connected folding chairs and launches them up into the ring at Funk. Kamata then has a real Oh Shit moment as he realizes Funk now has a row of chairs and he is standing in the ring over Kamata on the floor, lording over him like the Greek God of Assbeating looking down from Olympus. Funk launches the chairs at Kamata as Kamata does an awesome Don Knotts-ish comedic scramble run to get out of the way, and we fade...


A Haiku Terry Funk vs. Jerry Oates AJPW 7/83

Fine Oates headscissor
Jerry once wrestled a bear
No chance against Funk


Funk's hand and Oates' face
Worked Funk four times on this tour
Sore jaw guaranteed


Oates gets some offense
Terry can be generous
But not much to see