Paragon Pro Wrestling 11/21/14 Review - THE FINAL EPISODE

The strains of Barry Manilow's "Looks Like We Made It" waft through the air. Yes, almost FOUR MONTHS have passed, and we have grown older, seen half a dozen Gangrel/Tyshaun Prince matches, watched the world change, watched autumn pass and winter begin, witnessed the birth and premature death of Paragon Pro Wrestling on Pop! TV, and seen an incredible number of commercials for fake logs that create rainbow colors while an adulterous couple fucks in front of a fireplace. It's been a real ride. When this crazy dream started I was merely 34 years old. Now, I'm a few months away from being 35. I've fully exhausted my supply of Wes Brisco rape jokes. And when that happens, the song is over, and it's time to say goodbye.

And of course for the final episode they have a debuting ring announcer. That's like a guy starting his new World Trade Center janitorial job on 9/10.

1. Gentleman Brawler Eric Right vs. Jessie Godderz

Godderz is a TNA guy, and he is juuuuuuuuiced. The announcers refers to Godderz as a "chiseled demi-god". Somebody has been listening to too much Kal Rudman commentary. And this was a weird match. Godderz works a gimmick where he doesn't want to get hit in the face, and so much of the match is spent with Right trying to hit him in the face, with Godderz trying to dodge. What's weird, is Godderz sells as if he's still being punched. So we have a strange sequence where Right is throwing jabs, and Godderz is throwing his head back as if he's being punched, except the jabs are literally over a foot away from his face....but he's selling like he's being hit in the face....Eric Right is a decent puncher, so this isn't on him. Godderz seems like a guy who is working a "not in the face!" gimmick....while also actually being scared about being hit in the face. Match eventually builds to Right decking him, but ends shortly after with a running falling clothesline from Godderz. He then does a gassed out of breath promo about his accomplishments, including being on Big Brother more than ANYbody, and winning an arm wrestling contest that one time.

2. The Hippies (Fruit Loops & Lemon Drop) vs. Hammerstone & Chamberlain

Oh, brother. The return of Fruit Loops, and now he has a partner. I am curious what Fruit Loops and the debuting Lemon Drop did to get a title shot in their first teaming. This was really a weird thing the promotion did: They would build certain wrestlers and teams to "big" title matches, while in the meantime giving title matches to literally every wrestler in the fed. Every week they would have 2-3 title matches. Why would anybody be invested in seeing Whirlwind Gentlemen get their 5th title shot, when we now established that two men teaming for the first time, one debuting, one having lost his only prior match, are also getting a title shot? Fruit Loops admittedly warms my heart by flashing a peace sign, and then doing an eyepoke with the peace sign. That's...actually an awesome spot. And this match - embarrassing "hippie" gimmick aside - is actually plenty of fun. H&C get to maul the Hippies, with Lemon Drop getting a fine surprise sunset flip for a good nearfall, Hammerstone dropping some decent elbows, and Lemon Drop getting obliterated with a match ending lariat.

3. Mike Santiago vs. Anthony Greene

Boy we certainly are debuting a bunch of guys on the last show. Greene is a guy who has popped up in Beyond, among several other east coast indies. And he has a fun debut here that won't go anywhere whatsoever. His quirky offense stands out here more than it does in Beyond, with neat little kip up dropkicks and strange (if questionable from a physics standpoint) Thesz press pins. He's tall and lanky and takes offense well, and he gets the surprise victory. Just building up them new stars on the final show.

4. Caleb Konley vs. Wes Brisco vs. Jessy Sorensen vs. Joey Ryan

I was hoping we'd go out with another Whirlwind Gentlemen/Hammerstone & Chamberlain title match, but it's okay because we got a world title multi man! It began as a 3 way without Ryan, which would have been a terrible match to go off the air with. I mean seriously, they were going to book a 3 way with two faces against a heel as their blowoff match. Terrible. But Joey Ryan came back from his two week mystery disappearance (for all the screen time devoted to "Where is new champ, Joey Ryan!?", I believe the explanation they used was that he was merely celebrating), they made it a 4 way, and that balanced things out pretty nicely. So at least you had two heels and two faces, and it totally worked! It was worked much more as a Texas Tornado match than as a traditional tag-in 4 way, and thank god for that. so you had two logical guys pairing off all throughout, two guys that should in theory dislike one another, and it was some of the strongest work in the fed from these guys. Sorensen in particular easily looked better here than in any other PPW match . He's shown bits and pieces in other matches, but here he was great at playing underdog babyface, and threw shockingly nice punches all throughout. This match could have been messy and chaotic, but instead was just chaotic and fun. I would have guessed the former every damn time. Ryan and Konley keep trying to cull the herd, and it was nice seeing some more smart working heels, and both were good at working together, while also shooting the other glances, with Ryan knowing Konley still would be a threat within the match, and Konley recognizing this. Sorensen was good leaning into the heels' stuff, and I especially liked a nice jumping knee by Konley to Sorensen's chin. Wes Brisco was okay here, although early in the match he threw maybe the worst punches I've seen in a month. He clearly wasn't talented enough to throw punches while keeping a fist, so all of his punch follow through just reveals a wide open fanned out hand. Just terrible looking. At least when Abyss missed his punches by over a foot, he kept his fist closed. Blucch. But, Brisco had moments and he certainly showed himself to be overall serviceable enough in this fed. I just cannot stand looking at him. There are few wrestlers in history who I have disliked looking at this much, and it's more than just the general ick factor. He just has a look of a guy who should NEVER be a babyface. And so of course, as he triumphantly wins the title here, by pinning Konley with a DVD (hate championship matches where the champ can lose the belt without being pinned) we then get our final moments of PPW, just closeup visuals of Brisco's meaty face and gray green murder eyes.

And with that chilling look of terror and sadism and the worst tattoo work you will thankfully never be faced with in real life, we're over.