All Japan Motherload - Terry Funk vs. Masked White Dinguses

Terry Funk vs. The Asteroid - AJPW 10/29/80

ER: In which Bill Irwin wears his Super Destroyer mask and inexplicably works as THE ASTEROID; proceeds to get quietest crowd reaction during ring intros that you have ever heard. Match is JIP and we cut to a gassed Irwin holding a headlock on Funk. And for a match largely controlled by Asteroid this was fun, and got really good by the end when they're throwing great punches at each other. For his part, Irwin brought size, actual snug headlocks (and Funk is a guy who knows how to put over a nice headlock), and then finally throws down with Funk. Once Funk starts laying in the punches it rules and Irwin doesn't embarrass himself. The final two minutes are great with big punches, Irwin taking a nice backdrop, Funk trying to rip Asteroid's mask off, and then hitting a huge butterfly suplex on a large dude. No idea why Irwin thought being called The Asteroid was a cool idea.



Terry Funk/Jumbo Tsuruta vs. Jack Brisco/The Avenger - AJPW 4/27/81

ER: The Avenger is Moose Morowski, who is a name you read and go ohhhhhh yeahhhhh but really have no idea who he is/was. But that name seems like a name you've seen before, somewhere. It's possible he was a villain in some sort of Archie comics universe. Brisco seems thoroughly apathetic towards his partner. This match was all about Brisco doing Brisco-y things, which can be both interesting, unique, and entirely robotic and boring. Funk is hilarious trying to get Jumbo to crack before the bell, as Jumbo clearly wants to start but Funk keeps offering, and eventually Jumbo starts shoving Funk towards the apron. Funk's comic timing is great here as Jumbo would nudge him to the apron and right when Jumbo would turn around Funk would be back in offering to start the tag. Match is basically a bunch of leg work until Avenger taps to the spinning toe hold, while Brisco stands on the apron within reach, opting not to save him. Funk has some cool indian deathlocks and really hams it up spinning into them. Regarding Brisco being both unique and annoying, I like how he actually takes moves more realisitically (within a pro wrestling universe framework). This means no flat back bumps, more believable reactions, not going down on dropkicks but instead being sent stumbling, getting knocked sideways on shoulder blocks. It wasn't realistic in an MMA sense, but pro wrestling real, in the way prime Akira Taue would take offense. When he would do his amateur stuff it also looked really great, namely when Funk was trying to scramble for a tag and Brisco kept blocking him with a front headlock and wide base. It looked awesome. The negative is a lot of Brisco's stuff looks weak, or unfocused. He'll just grab a leg with no real plan, and then Funk just kicks him, with Brisco somehow not planning on Funk using his other limbs. And while sometimes his bumps off shoulderblocks look more real, other times it just looks like him wussing out of them. He rolls away from Jumbo's a little too early, which makes it hilarious when Funk hits him flush with one directly after. For his part, Avenger puts over Funk's leg locks GREAT, yelling and begging through his mask, screaming and putting over the pain. The guy was the most obvious sitting duck on the card, but at least he worked with what he got.



Terry Funk/Dick Murdoch vs. Big John Studd/The Asteroid - AJPW 11/80

ER: Big John Studd was maybe the weirdest guy booked as a giant. Maybe Big Dick Dudley. But Studd never looked much bigger than his opponents, and had a much more slender build than most of them. Here he looked the same exact size and build as Edge. It seriously just looked like Edge working bearhugs and entering the ring over the top rope. It says a lot about styles guys choose to work, as so often you'd hear Edge described as a smaller guy, but it was entirely because he had an awful flimsy moveset. Studd lumbers, clubs and works bearhugs while being the size of Edge, and people presumably bought him as a giant. It's always confused me. Even as a child I didn't understand what was supposed to be a big deal when Andre slammed him. He looked no larger than a couple dozen of the other guys in the WWF. The whole match was worked around Studd getting Terry and Murdoch in a bearhug. I'm a sucker for bearhug spots and you won't find many guys who sell a bearhug better than Terry and Dick. Dick is great regularly rearing back to punch but then getting squeezed back into submission. Terry is even better because he punches Studd right in the face a couple times in a way that Studd did not seem to expect. Funk really smashes him right in the eye, then throws some of the best body blows you've ever seen. And thanks to the internet, the world now has MULTIPLE Asteroid matches floating through its galaxy. The Asteroid does not look very good.  Neil Degrasse Tyson seems to think Earth is overdue to be hit by an asteroid, but thanks to this footage we already know that it actually happened 35 years ago, and we also know that it got deflected by Terry Funk doing the worst spinning toe hold he's ever done.