Lucha Underground Episode 36: The Beginning of the End Review

ER: So Pentagon's Master will reveal himself when he "proves that he is ready", which I assume is going to be a loooooong time from now as he's presently getting handled by tiny women and tubby announcers.

1. Bengala vs. Delavar Daivari

ER: I'm torn on whether to give Striker credit or not for "Bengala trying to earn his stripes". I groaned, but also appreciated how he said it in a real understated way instead of trying to yuk it up. Not a big fan of more Daivari wrestling on TV, but they kept this short at least. Bengala hit a great dive past the turnbuckles, and I liked his rolling German finish, but this really wasn't much.

PAS: I thought this was pretty good, Daviari is one of my least favorite people in this fed (and they all wrestled tonight!!) but he was inoffensive, and I thought Bengala was pretty cool, I loved all of the backfire interference spots by Big Ryck, and Bengalas tope taking him out was pretty cool. Perfectly acceptable stuff.

ER: I don't think I've ever seen anybody get more laid out by a chokeslam than Pentagon was here. Dude looked like he died after taking a 4 foot back bump. I'm just really not sure what to make of this whole feud. Pentagon is likely going to win, but I imagine Vampiro is going to come out looking like the real winner. The crowd seemed amped to see an out-of-shape-Vic-Mackey-stuck-behind-a-desk cosplayer take out one of the bigger badasses in the fed, and it's likely not going to be as infuriating as the wretched and embarrassing Sexy Star feud, but there's just no amount of smoke and mirrors that can make this good, right? This whole promo segment was pretty bad. Last week Vampiro got jumped and got gasoline dumped all over him. This week he and Pentagon stand in the ring NOT tearing each other apart, Pentagon making Ian Hodgkinson jokes, Vampiro casually walking around the ring with his back turned to Pentagon (the man who just attacked him from behind last week), just a bad bad segment.

PAS: I think Vampiro has been OK in this role, I agree about the craziness of that chokeslam being sold like that and I would rather see Pentagon do something else, but this is worlds better than the Sexy Star feud, and if you are going to build to a Vampiro match in 2015 you could certainly do worse then this.

2. King Cuerno vs. Killshot

ER: Cuerno hasn't been on in over a month, and now he's waiting in the ring after a commercial break while fucking KILLSHOT gets his entrance!? That's some absurd bullshit right there. And Vampiro is now just like that my new hero, as Killshot does an embarrassing running back elbow and Vampiro goes "what was THAT?" Nobody knows, Vamp. It certainly doesn't look like something meant to do harm to another human. Killshot may have the most thigh slap based offense I've ever seen. And none of his strikes ever look like they land. They're timed properly with the slap, the strikes just look horrible. And my god all of his moves start with a long looping somersault. Can't just do a diamond cutter, gotta handspring over the ropes and do a slooooow somersault before bunnyhopping up into one! It's all so hideous. Cuerno having to sell for this goof is a travesty. I'm reluctant to give him credit, but at least Killshot dies on a nasty apron sideslam, and holds his ground to take the Cuerno tope, and spikes himself on a nutty reverse rana. It should be noted, though, that every single move Cuerno did to Killshot did less harm than Vampiro's little chokeslam did to Pentagon. So much hate flowing through me right now.

PAS: Killshot did die nastily on the bumps he took, he might be fine as a Joel Goodhart style jobber who just gets murdered by guys who want to put over. Just never let him get any offense. He has to have the worst thigh slaps I have ever seen, just so obvious, it is like 60's Batman cartoon exclamations.

3. Super Fly vs. Sexy Star

ER: Just make it stop. I don't know why it's happening, I don't want to know why. Just take her off my TV. Please. It's awful.

4. Marty the Moth Martinez vs. Sexy Star

ER: It's so fucking terrible. It's pointless to even waste time watching it at this point. She's going to be on TV every week, she's never going to look good, she has the magic powers to make every opponent  suddenly not able to hit his moves at full strength. It's getting so damn tiring watching everybody have to noticeably hold back on their power moves. We get it, she is so tough and her story is truly inspirational to us ALL. Except I don't get what's inspiring, and she can't be that tough if guys have to set her down on the mat afraid that she'll snap in half. Is this some sort of elaborate Make A Wish campaign? Is Sexy Star dying? Did she win a sweepstakes?

PAS: I imagine both matches went about 20 minutes live and they had to edit them down to 90 seconds each to make them look semi professional.

ER: Well this has to be the worst episode in the show's history, right? Every match featured my least favorite people in the fed, with Daivari, Sexy Star and Killshot all getting WAY TOO MUCH screen time, and all looking like people who do not deserve any sort of screen time.

PAS: This show felt like a rib.



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