My Favorite Wrestling: WCW Pro 3/30/96

1. State Patrol vs. Harlem Heat

Awwwww yeah this is what I'm talking about! Harlem Heat have aged pretty horribly in retrospect, but State Patrol are one of the great lost teams of the 90s. Buddy Lee will take and deliver a beating and Harlem Heat will deliver an awkward 1996 beating. Both guys in HH were really sloppy around this time, and while that can derail other matches it kind of added to it here. At one point Stevie Ray gives Buddy Lee an accidental shoot brainbuster. It was supposed to be a suplex that Parker reverses into a crossbody, but Ray just drops him straight down. Ouch. How much of State Patrol's AJPW tours made tape? Also why did they make James Earl Wright's name so close to a famous murderer's name? Was Joe Wilkes Boothe tossed around, too?

2. Giant vs. Southern Posse

Always get stoked for some Southern Posse, or as I assume they were known backstage, "Sonny Trout and the ugly one". I always get unrealistically excited for a Southern Posse match, but I'm not sure if they're actually any good. They both look scuzzy, the announcers never know their names so they always just call each guy "southern posse" ("The Giant with a big slam on southern posse!"), one of them got a HJ at a Molly Hatchett concert*, just something about them I always get excited about. Rachel was stunned at how slim the Giant was.

3. Mark Starr vs. Ric Flair

I miss these kind of syndicated matches, where Flair would show tons of ass and give guys like Mark Starr 70/30, and then cheat to beat fucking Mark Starr. All the fanny-packed women in the crowd get all riled up and it's always an enjoyable 4 minutes. It's also odd thinking that current Mark Starr probably is living better than current Ric Flair from a quality-of-life perspective. Starr is likely at a nearby lake having some beers and doing some wakeboarding as I type this, whereas Flair is a sad, melty mess not being able to cover his tab at Q104's Summerfest.

4. Lifeguard Steve Collins vs. Bunkhouse Buck

I'll level with you, I have never heard of Lifeguard Steve Collins. You know who else hasn't heard of him? Bunkhouse Buck, so he proceeds to kick the shit out of Lifeguard Steve Collins for getting into his ring. Collins is some sort of Baywatch gimmick, wearing real awkward red swim shorts that are loose and pulled up real high. Fuller and Buck cheat like assholes and Buck was a beast here, with great punches and stomps. Great moment when Buck steps aside from a Collins dropkick, then bounces off the ropes and just lambasts with an amazing dropkick. And then, he gets the pin fall after just stomping on Collins' face. Collins was on his back, Buck bounced off the ropes, slowed down and just stomped his face --> pinfall. Then after the match Buck and Parker beat Collins with his red floatation device and choked him some more. It was all I wanted and more.

5. Hugh Morrus vs. Scott Armstrong

These Hugh Morrus squashes just aren't that good. Armstrong is going to be one of the unsung heroes of syndicated WCW. But there's not much to do to make Morrus matches fun. If you would have asked for a 8 word guess on how the match went, it would have been "Armstrong bumps big, Morrus misses moonsault, pins anyway." It would have been right.

6. Robert Eaton/Dave Taylor vs. American Males

Not the ideal opponents, but you can put Eaton and Taylor into the ring with two sacks of leaves and I'd still be entertained by Eaton's punches and Taylor's throws. And those things ruled here. Taylor had a powerslam that might have been one of the most amazing things I've seen in a ring. It was a powerslam that went straight up overhead from a dead lift and ended with a float over. It was downright Karelinesque. I don't think there was anything Riggs could have done to prevent it, either. If he was fighting it with every fiber of his being, he was getting slammed. Also, I'm going to say it: Bobby Eaton knows how to fake punch a man better than almost any other man. You heard it here first.

*probably