APW TV Workrate Report: 5/28/11

We start with a 4 minute recap of last week's opening round Young Lions Cup tourney, which is appropriate since the 4 matches lasted a total of 10 minutes. Not sure why they didn't just make it a 4 man tournament. None of the first round losers got to do anything in their matches, yet they weren't squash matches designed to put the winner over, either. All the matches were worked really even (or even 70/30 in favor of the loser) with all the eventual winners just taking some offense before hitting the finish 2 minutes into the match. Totally pointless start to a tournament.

1. Alexis Derevko vs. Dave Dutra vs. Sheik Khan Abadi vs. Derek Sanders vs. Vennis DeMarco vs. Jody Kristofferson. Not sure what the heck was happening here, as the first 4 minutes of the match are spent introducing all the wrestlers by showing their "entrance videos"....but they were doing it while the match was going on and all six guys were clearly already standing on the apron. So they're announcing Vennis DeMarco coming to the ring while he's clearly standing on the apron, and announcing Derek Sanders coming to the ring after he had already worked a segment 3 minutes prior. Not sure what happened here, but we miss quite a few minutes of the match as they pretend people are walking to the ring instead of just cutting right to the match. APW! APW! APW! Announcers also spend a minute flipping out putting over how Jody Kristofferson is being attacked by "a man in black", being run into the ring post and just beaten down...and all the while we don't see any of it, we just see Derevko holding a chinlock in the ring on Dutra. APW! APW! Show is off to a horrrrrrrible start this week. Back from commercial break and Jody is out of the match because he got pretend attacked!! Oh noes! Get your act together, crew. How long did you have to edit this? Ohhhhh OK. Finally clear that the audio is just COMPLETELY off. You'd think that's the kind of thing that would get noticed before being sent out to the local public access TV. Hahaha. I thought I was going nuts there.

Dutra hits a nice atomic drop on Derevko, really dropping nuts to knee...but Derevko just hops up...but then Dutra hits a BIG splash off the top so I can't stay mad for long. OK, I'm just gonna watch the internet feed for the rest of this episode because something got all sorts of fucked in the TV transfer. Sanders and Abadi are the last two guys remaining, and Abadi hits a real reckless somersault dive to the floor. He does these things a lot, and it really feels like he has no control over them whatsoever. Sometimes they hit, usually they end up with him at an awkward angle bouncing off the ring apron. That's what happens here. Abadi misses a skytwister falcon phoenix splasher 720 buster, and I really really liked Sanders cool cradle roll up. Legit looked like Abadi couldn't have kicked out of that if he tried.

But then Jody comes out after his mysterious (and possibly non-existent) NINJA ATTACK! He's still in this! He never got eliminated! They're working a "Jody has a concussion and just being in the match could shorten his life!" which I know is the exact kind of angle I would work if I were a wrestling promotion and one of my students had died due to complications from concussions, whose family then sued and won a large settlement from my company. I mean, whose idea was that? Killer J should just start spouting "Jody could die here! This ring has seen death before, if you remember! Concussions kill! Ask Brian Ong's family! Jody may die right now!" It would really help get over the realism of the angle. "Many people in APW have testified IN COURT regarding concussions. We know for a fact that they kill!" Then you can have the whole angle of APW sending a bill for the remainder of Jody's training to Kris Kristofferson's house, and then Kristofferson can come in working some sort of Heaven's Gate new sheriff in town angle!

Announcer Jon Roberts just said "Concussions are serious business!" And in APW, business is gooooood. Jody always has a really nice leaping shoulderblock. He gets really horizontal, slams right into guys. Sanders ends up winning when the man in black distracts Jody. Hopefully Jody doesn't die from that concussion. They should hire a hobo drifter to hang outside the APW Gym and scare kids by saying "Hey...I heard some kid died in there!"

Young Lions Cup action continues!! Let's hope the matches are at least a little better than last week's, which were short and pointless.

2. Perry Von Vicious vs. Mikey Jay. They're giving Jay the "young guy who won't give up" gimmick. Last week he upset Corvus ("maybe the biggest upset in APW ever!!") and now he's fighting EVEN THOUGH he has a mystery taped up rib injury. Dude, mystery internal rib injuries are SERIOUS BUSINESS. Have you seen what's happened to Ken Shamrock in recent years!? Tragic. Mikey Jay could DIE in this ring, TONIGHT! APW has set the precedent folks. Death CAN occur IN their ring!! Oops, GM JJ Perez is calling off the match and giving PVV the win, as Mikey is too injured to compete and risks permanent bodily harm. "Being the Commissioner I have to look after the well-being of the wrestlers". Sooooooo...... JJ Perez is cool with guys working with concussions but not mystery rib injuries? Huh. Has APW ever had to pay out 1.3 mil for a mystery rib injury?

3. Will Rood vs. Brandon P. Net. Rood's my boy now that he busted out a nice fist drop last week, so we'll see how he looks in week 2. We do some mirror wrestling sequences which don't interest me, and both guys are selling injuries, seemingly from their 2 minute matches last week. I hate to break it to you, guys, but this might not be the business for you. Both guys have a punch sequence that was actually WAY better than it had any right to be (Rood actually throws a much better punch than he does elbow or forearm). We get a suplex exchange and P.Net rolls one of them up for the win in about 6 minutes. Not a great match, but both guys looked alright. A lot of mirror sequences, missing a dropkick at the same time, back and forth moves exchanges, you know the drill.

This Young Lions Cup has been super balls so far.