Self-Destroyer, Wreck Your Health/Destroy Friends, Destroy Yourself

1. Super Destroyer vs. Jerry Lawler 11/14/81 - GREAT



ER: I don't know who this Destroyer is. He's a SUPER Destroyer though. He's also apparently 6'6", 350 lb. Even though he's the same size as Lawler and Fergie, meaning Lawler is obviously far bigger than I ever realized. Those kids in the audience must be like 5'8". Hamburgers eat people.

But fuck did I love this. I know that an 8 minute match consisting of nothing but right hands is eye poison to a lot of people. I do not care. I like drone rock. I've seen Earth and Sunn 0))) live numerous times. My buddy was high when he saw Earth with me, opening for Mogwai, and he thought they were playing in slow motion. He had no idea what the hell was going on. He was flipping out, and then just walked down the street and ordered an insane amount of food from the combination Taco Bell and Pizza Hut. The first time I saw Sunn 0))) they were opening for Wolf Eyes and I walked into 45 minutes straight of amps cranked so low that it felt like I was pooping my pants for those 45 minutes. Afterwards I overheard a conversation between a guy in a Sunn 0))) hoodie and his girlfriend, which went "Girl: So what did you think?" "Guy: Fucking amazing. As usual." My girlfriend at the time was baffled and annoyed by the whole performance. It was two dudes in hooded robes playing lowlowlow guitar tones for 45 minutes! But some people dug it. A lot of people didn't. Some people love matches with mostly punches, some people don't. One side isn't more right, the other side isn't more wrong.

I happen to fall into the "all punches, all the time" camp. I've heard people mention that they hate tons of punches in wrestling because it's just a constant reminder that wrestling is fake and not "real fighting". I was just born into liking this stuff, I guess. Environment vs. Heredity. My family ate soy food for as long as I can remember. A lot of people eat soy now. I was born and raised to appreciate a fine meat substitute. We also ate tons of meat. My dad told me you just can't expect soy to replace meat. You don't eat Fri-Chik and go "mmmmmm, this is as good as chicken!" You just like it because it's Fri-Chik and it tastes fucking awesome. You don't eat Super Links and expect them to be hot dogs. They're Super Links, and they make for awesome Super Link/rye bread sandwiches. Grillers are not hamburgers, but they are tasty in their own right.

You appreciate things in their own right, and you appreciate two guys throwing right hands for 8 minutes while one guy's eye gets busted open, fake fighting and all, because it looks fucking great. And that's what we get here. Both guys throw really great punches. You already knew Lawler threw great punches, but whomever Super Destroyer is throws some dandies as well. Some of it may be because of Lawler. Lawler gets all the credit in the world for his punches, even from people who dislike Jerry Lawler (yes those people exist. Stupid internet for making me know these people exist), yet he deserves equal credit for making other peoples' punches look great. Lawler sells a punch better than anybody else in wrestling. Whenever I see someone throw a great punch against Lawler, I have to think for a moment if it was actually a great punch, or just a Lawler illusion. But by the end of this match I was loving SD's punches. This was wrestling worked as simply as possible, with straight right hands to the eyes, Lawler getting run into ringposts (this is a man who knows many different amazing ways to get run into a ringpost), and kids scream for Jerry the whole time. The hero fails but not by his choice, he'd gladly keep fake fighting if it was up to him.

PAS: I actually think Super D's punches weren't very good, he had a weird limp wristed way of throwing them, I think this was a pretty much one man Lawler show. Eric is right about how amazing Lawler is at selling punches, it really feels like he is getting rocked by every shot being thrown. I want to second the love for Lawler's post eats, he is the best in history at going into a ringpost. The blade job was great looking too, Lawler bled less then any big time 80's babyface, but he when he did, it would often be this kind of over the eye blade job which really looked like the way people get cut in boxing matches. Way cooler then the tradition forehead slash. This would totally sell me a ticket to Mid-South Coliseum to see the King get his revenge.