SLL Flies Under the Radar: Part the Second

Evan Bourne vs. Zack Ryder - WWE 6/11

"Long Island was once a place where good people lived for hundreds of years. Our history is rich with accomplishments. From the first submarine base in New Suffolk to Charles Lindbergh's historic trans-Atlantic flight. From the humble origins of Grumman and the building of the Lunar Module (the ship that landed on the moon) Long Island has had a glorious history. Good and hard working people made long island what it is today, but that existence is being threatened by the growing "Guido" phenomenon. As many of us know, the social fabric of Long Island is crumbling. A new self centric and materialistic attitude originating from the boroughs of New York City has been pushing its way across the island. The result of this push is an influx of vain and materialistic teens and young adults who feel that the key to life is spending their parent's money, tanning themselves and giving people attitude wherever they go. Those of us that know the phenomenon best like to call them Guidos. Below is a brief overview and description of a typical Guido, taken from the Webster's Urban Dictionary: "The Guido is an entirely American phenomena, with its epicenter in the New York/ New Jersey metropolitan area. Most individuals become Guidos in an attempt to achieve an identity- in fact any identity. The Guido is highly recognizable by his attention to muscular development, status symbols, and regional dialect. Their shortcomings include a tendency toward alcoholism, legal problems (usually related to assault, reckless driving, noise violations), and an inability to compete in legitimate business. Fortunately for them, they usually live an exciting, care-free existence. They are easily satiated by tacky mall attire, drunken nights with similar-minded women, and nightclubbing. In the end, although they maintain a unique sense of identity and pride, their superficial lives often leave them empty. The tolls of excessive grooming products, STD's, and alcohol abuse age these specimens quite poorly. The time spent in fitness clubs is usually far offset by their lifestyle choices." The shear number of Guidos on Long Island has grown exponentially over the past decade. And the problem is only getting worse, as lost teens across Nassau and Suffolk county fall victim to this plague in an attempt to achieve any type of identity."

-www.getoffourisland.com

I have spent pretty much my entire life on Long Island, and consequently, Zack Ryder's new gimmick resonates very strongly with me. I have known this guy. In fact, I have known several of this guy, and I've spent a good deal of time and effort trying to avoid them. Most of them are harmless and well meaning, I grant you. They're just unlikable, and I'd prefer not to hit the tanning salon with you, bro. Ryder's "guido" (not my choice of terms...the first time I saw someone with a "Guidos? Not on my island!" bumper sticker in my neighborhood, I was stunned at the balls you would have to have to openly proclaim your hatred of Italians around here) act has been well recieved across the board. Still, it probably hits hardest with people like myself who have experienced that phenomenon firsthand. Evan Bourne is a great wrestler, and he delivers the goods as usual here. But this match is almost a Ryder one-man show. Your eyes and ears (his in-ring talkativeness is one of his best traits, bro!) are always attuned to him, which is saying something considering how eye-popping Bourne can be. Woo woo woo...you know it.


Finlay vs. Zack Ryder - WWE 6/23

"We can only offer an educated guess as to why the Guido Phenomenon is growing, it is a vast collaboration of issues that we will try and sum up the best we can. We would like to begin with this quote - Joseph Chamie of the UN Population Agency recently stated: "People today are more concerned about their appearances, [rather than family and moral values]" (Buchanan 2002, 99). This effect is not only present and flowing through the western world but is growing in each progressive generation as the average American two-parent family breaks down as it has over the latter half of the 20th century. With the growing absence of something such as parent's attention to their child or merely a simple dinner family conversation, the younger generation looks to television, media, and the culture around them for what they want and what they strive to be. Unfortunately, the message being pushed on us today through television, the mass media, commercialism and advertising leans much more on what is good for the individual rather than the group. Harmless on the surface it would seem, but the underlying effects of this surge in materialism and hedonism are more frightening. The basic values of love, friendship and family are being replaced with material possessions and an illusion of self-importance. We believe that this is why the Guido Phenomenon grows. The individuals that young people look up to are no longer their family, but extravagantly rich and vain athletes, rappers and music stars they see in the media. On a more local level, they see this phenomenon being portrayed in their Guido classmates, their attention to their looks and attitude are looked up to by lost children searching for an identity. This phenomenon is the seed that has created the vast surge in the Long Island Guido population that we see today. Those who turn down the Guido's road to happiness strive for three things: vanity, materialism and attitude."

I have hit this talking point hard on other boards, but pretty sure I haven't said it yet on Segunda Caida, so here goes: the story of Finlay in 2009 is that he is a guy legendary for having great matches built around him beating the shit out of his opponents, who is now building his great matches around his opponents beating the shit out of him. Other story of Finlay in 2009 is that he went to SmackDown, and now JR keeps calling him "The Quiet Man of WWE", either because Finlay killed an opponent and retired back to Ireland in despair, or because JR thinks all movies about Irish people are the same. "Bah God! It's Finlay...the Darby O'Gill of WWE! Business is about to pick up In the Name of the Father! Celtic Cross from the Informer of the WWE! FRUITY DELICIOUS BARRY LYNDON!" But go back and watch the Finlay/Tyson Kidd match they were talking up on the podcast (seriously, that match was awesome, check it out if you haven't). They are talking about Finlay beating the shit out of Kidd - which he does - but it is also a match built largely around Kidd ripping up Finlay's leg and Finlay really getting it over with his selling. That's largely what's going on in this match as well. Finlay delivers a Finlay-grade beating early on, but then re-aggravates his eye injury, and now we get a match built around Finlay being hit in the face. Ryder's strikes are not something I ever really gave a lot of thought to before, but they are pretty good. He makes a lot of use of his knees, throwing a lot of good kneelifts and kneedrops that really look they're fucking Finlay up good. The finish seemed a bit off, and it still feels a little bit like a carryjob, but it's not like Ryder is getting smoked here. Finlay is just creating the opportunity for him to look good, and in '09, that's really what Finlay does best.

Kofi Kingston vs. Montel Vontavius Porter vs. Matt Hardy (US Title Match) - WWE 6/25

I love Matt Hardy, and I still hold some small degree of fondness for MVP. That said, this is not a match I go into with high expectations. I'm not a big fan of three-ways, and Kofi Kingston stinks. On top of that, I prefer four-ways, and had already seen the four-way from Extreme Rules that had these three guys and William Regal, and that wasn't really any good. So no reason to expect that a three-way that cut out the four-way's best worker would actually be a major improvement. But that's why I watch the matches. Every now and then, you get taken by surprise. I think the key here is that this is not worked in the usual three-way style where one dude is unconscious for a ridiculous period of time while the other two "have their turn". Much of the match is worked like a game of King of the Hill, where the wrestler in control is trying to put down one opponent in the ring while keeping the other opponent out as he constantly tries to get back in. It makes more sense and makes for a more compelling match. Also important is that Kofi actually gives a pretty good performance here. He's been in matches that I've enjoyed...it's just been a while. Here, he is a fine fired-up babyface who's high energy never turns into meaningless spot-fu. As the lone heel in the match, Hardy keeps the story moving nicely. Heel-turned Hardy wasn't delivering as consistently as he was beforehand, but he didn't exactly suck, either. He is masterful at playing King of the Hill here, and there are several spots where the guy on the outside (usually Kingston) makes it back in and hits him with a surprise attack that are very satisfying. MVP is sort of the odd man out. His contributions to this match are not that big, but he generally looks good, and that boot he delivered to Kofi near the end was brutal. All told, this delivered.