WWE Hell in a Cell 2016 Not Live Blog

1. Sin Cara, Lince Dorado & Cedric Alexander vs. Tony Nese, Drew Gulak & Ariya Daivari

ER: This match left me pretty hollow, really didn't think a lot of the guys in this looked good. Gulak looked the best, loved his subs working over Lince. Him locking the deathlock, fighting with him over his arms, all that looked great. The match started getting good right after the big dive train. The dives happened and back in the ring Gulak grabbed a dragon sleeper real smooth on Cedric. There was a great fight spot over it, with Nese holding Cara's foot on the floor, and Lince coming out of nowhere with the save. We get some fun moves trading, Nese looked stumbly, and the lumbar check somehow always ends up looking good. It seems preposterous, but man does it look painful.

I had that New Day Q&A segment on in the background while I typed up that Cruiser match, and my goodness that was bad. They just yelled the whole time.

2. Rusev vs. Roman Reigns

ER: So they went really long with this one. Probably too long. And it really could have used blood. But overall it was good. It started to get real good when Reigns missed his sliding kick on the apron and Rusev hit a lariat. Once weapons got in their I really suckered in. Rusev bashing Reigns in the ropes with the kendo stick was great, although after he broke it over his knee I started rooting for him to stab him with the stick, Abby style. Things would have gotten so damn real with a kendo stick stabbing. I thought Rusev was on point the entire match. His punches looked way better than Roman's (except for the first time Roman caught him with the chain, then Roman was throwing bombs), and all of his kicks looked great. Roman ran forehead and nose first into one of those, and I thought for sure he was gonna get up with a black eye. The chain spots looked good and that sub with the chain through Roman's mouth was great. So yeah, plenty of great stuff in this one, but they were also given an insane amount of time to do the great stuff. Overall win.

3. Bayley vs. Dana Brooke

ER: Eh this was okay. I actually liked Brooke more than Bayley in this one, which was not something I expected. Dana's the one that got me into it, the moment she kick Bayley's arm in the ropes. All the arm work was really good, her lariat looked really good, and suddenly I liked small powerhouse Dana Brooke. Bayley firing back with her one good arm was nice, but the end felt too sudden and convenient.

4. Enzo & Big Cass vs. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson

ER: Surprising result, but this was pretty bleh. One of Anderson's better WWE performances, though, so that leaves me mixed. Enzo and Cass just are not good. Cass' big boot usually looks good. But even Test had a bit more going for him than his good big boot. Gallows superkicking Enzo was satisfying, and I did like Enzo's crossbody earlier, but this was flat for me.

5. Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins

ER: This was actually my favorite match with these guys. It also got tons of time, but I think that actually made it feel more epic in scope. I think this was the tightest that Rollins has looked in WWE. The strike segments weren't "hold my hair and swing in a phone booth" things that Owens has been spamming, it was just an old fashioned punch exchange. And Rollins looked good in it, really throwing them at all angles. Owens worked in some cool stuff like flying hard into cannonballs (including a brutal one into the cell) and then later splatting Rollins with a couple nasty sentons. One of them hit while Rollins was on all fours, and damn that just hurts my wrists and elbows thinking about it. Rollins muscling up Owens with a powerbomb was nuts, and even though the tables were set up for it, I still didn't think anybody was going through that table structure. But hot damn did Owens get powerbombed through it. Nuts. Owens' chairshots were among the most violent I've ever seen, he really looked like he was laying Rollins out. They weren't landing flush, Rollins was catching some edge, they were thrown to his ribs and arm and stomach, really nasty shots. So yeah, this match felt appropriately violent to justify the time given. Much better than I hoped.

6. TJ Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick

ER: A good match but I think they have better in them. I do love that they're working long real time injury spots into matches thanks to Kendrick. It feels like if Chris Hamrick were suddenly a guy they cared about. But Kendrick does a great long convincing knee injury, always knowing it would end with him jumping TJ. I still wasn't actually expecting the Kendrick win, even though I love it. They've kinda treated TJ like a wet noodle since this whole cruisers on Raw thing happened. Some fan in the front row manages to insult both men in one breath with a "Get a fucking haircut hippie. Nike sucks!" One man, raging against the system. I love how dangerous they have made the captains hook look, almost always a guaranteed win. But this felt like it needed a bit more build.

7. New Day vs. Cesaro/Sheamus

ER: This felt long and I actually think the match benefitted from the slow spots. I liked Big E and Cesaro selling how damn tired they were. I really liked Cesaro and Sheamus cutting off Woods. They were pretty vicious to him in the corner, with both seeing who could throw a harder uppercut. The rolling senton into Cesaro's double stomp. That's finisher level nasty. Cesaro catching Woods' running leg and turning it into a sharpshooter was slick and vicious as all hell. I really wanted it to be the finish. In a way it was, but they get cute and DQ Kofi for interference. But this was a real good Sheamus/Cesaro performance, and a nice New Day showing. The ending was kinda annoying, but match was solid.

8. Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks

ER: Well hot damn I loved this. This felt epic, this had some gravitas. Charlotte jumping her before the bell was awesome, and both of them beat the hell out of each other around ringside. Sasha showed real fire when prepping the table, and you knew something bad was happening. But I somehow didn't guess powerbomb. Sasha got planted with that powerbomb, sprawled across the collapsing table fantastically. I loved the lonnnnnnng stretcher set up. It was taking forever, but I loved it. Every minute that went by made it look like Sasha had more and more of a chance to recover. That powerbomb was nasty but juuuuuust maybe...so when she gets off the stretcher and slaps the hell out of an EMT, I was way into it. And they had a real assbeating fight. Sasha flew into her with knees, Charlotte landed kicks, they laced right into each other. There was a certain sloppiness that actually added to the gritty fight feel, totally made the match. I had no idea who would win, no clue where it would go, was constantly waiting for a swerve of some kind. But the table coming in, Sasha getting tossed all over it, ragdolling into and off of it, felt like a really violent human breaking move. The whole match felt like a big deal (which is annoying to type after how much I know they're going to pat themselves on the back because HISTORY), and they shocked the hell out of me. I thought they would work stupid to justify their spot in the main event, but I thought they were smart in this - even with a couple crazy spots. Awesome match.