Segunda Caida

Phil Schneider, Eric Ritz, Matt D, Sebastian, and other friends write about pro wrestling. Follow us @segundacaida

Saturday, March 23, 2019

2019 Ongoing MOTY List: Hama vs. Sekimoto

7. Ryoto Hama vs. Daisuke Sekimoto BJW 1/2

ER: BJW is clearly now where the big boys play, and Hama is the biggest boy in all the land. It's kind of shocking Hama hasn't become a very specific fetish at this point (you know, I'm not even going to Google it, I'm just going to assume he has), as I really don't understand how he exists. Some evenings my knees hurt just because I played sports and dicked around on a skateboard. I weigh 165. Hama is THREE of me on approximately the same frame. But I will never tire of seeing him smash and smoosh into guys, and Sekimoto post squishing might be the best possible use of his bug eyed face. Sekimoto attempts big crushing forearm blows to the chest, but Hama crushes Sekimoto like he's gonna do, standing on him, running into him with size, hitting his great rolling senton, falling straight on top of him when Sekimoto attempts to slam him, all the things you want to happen. You expect these to happen, so the real joy in Hama matches is when something of his gets reversed, or he reverses something by fat. It's always a big moment when Sekimoto is able to budge Hama, when he crashes into him with a lariat that would cave in a smaller man, or when he muscles him over into a cool hiptoss. And both guys have these big fat baby faces, and it adds to things like Sekimoto locking in a half crab, and we see Hama's chubby face in anguish, a big chubby baby who is breaking down because his mom forgot to pack a baggie of Cheerios and he's getting restless. Sekimoto is a glutton for this punishment by fat, and I flipped when Sekimoto came firing off the ropes with a lariat only to be met with the greatest Thesz press that Thesz himself couldn't have ever imagined, and follows up with a big splash off the ropes. When Hama goes up top for the Banzai Drop and gets caught, Sekimoto throws clubbing forearms at Hama's ample backside, and then GETS UP AND UNDER all of that...hangdown...gets right up in there and powerbombs him. Sekimoto lies on the mat after this, a vacant Rust Cohle stare burned into his eyes. "I've...seen things." Sekimoto continues merely outlasting Hama, eventually getting him over for a big suplex and a crushing lariat. I love how BJW typically keeps their big matches to 15 minutes, as something like this is just 15 minutes of squishy joy.

PAS: Hama has gotten so big, he was a fat guy when he started and he is seemingly 200 pounds heavier than a couple of years back. He looks like a McGuire twin at this point. He was always great at using his bulk and there is so much more bulk now. His Thesz press looks like an airplane flying into a cloud, Sekimoto just disappears underneath a cumulus of chub. Those sentons look so brutal, it felt like a car being smushed by a monster truck. I loved the powerbomb to counter the banzai drop and don't understand how the ring didn't collapse. I am not really a Sekimoto fan, but he is perfectly acceptable in these kind of minimalist matches, he is just going to try to topple a blubber boulder and stay out of the way when it lands.


2019 MOTY MASTER LIST

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Saturday, June 03, 2017

All Time MOTY List Head to Head 2012: Lesnar v. Cena V. Akebono/Hama v. Okabayashi/Sekimoto

Akebono/Ryoto Hama v. Yuji Okabayashi/Daisuke Sekimoto BJW 1/3/12

PAS: It is really amazing how fat Hama and Akebono are, we aren't talking regular wrestler fat, but reality television fat. Hama looks like Jerry Blackwell had an emotional crisis and tried to eat his feelings, Akebono is the size of WWF champion era Yokozuna, probably the fattest tag team ever. Match told a pretty simple story, Hama and Bono would squish the Strong BJ guys under their massive bodies, while Okabayashi and Sekimoto would throw improbable looking suplexes. It is a great way to build a match. I don't understand how either guy was able to suplex Hama,  the only way it seemed plausible is if Okabayashi's baby was trapped under Hama and he needed to summon unknown reserves to get him off. 15 minutes is a perfect amount of time for this type of match, and it was really enjoyable

ER: Man, I don't even know how Akebono or Hama are even physically possible. Both seem simultaneously bullet proof and faberge-egg-fragile every time they move an inch. Akebono seems like there is equal chance he will throw Okabayashi into the 16th row, or that both of his ankles will shatter upon taking a step. Strong BJ throw full body weight into him and he doesn't move an inch, then he throws one of them onto the other and crushes Okabayashi with the greatest elbow drop, like an Acme anvil punching Wile E Coyote through a desert cliff. I think I used a Wile E Coyote reference in the review for Cena/Lesnar, so that immediately makes this match comparison wholly valid. Hama is just absurd. He looks like a man who should wash himself with a rag on a stick. He keeps a photo of Gilbert Grape's mom on his fridge for inspiration. And here he is laying out on splashes and throwing Vader bear attack punches and eating nasty frog splashes and throwing full weight elbows. I have zero clue how Okabayashi is able to suplex him. It does not make physical sense. Akebono is an amazing pro wrestler. I am probably his biggest fan. He feels like prime Andre to me. He carries so much presence, so much stoic facial anger, drops these amazing elbows, is able to be unbeatable and vulnerable; he's so damn good. The way he just gets annoyed when Okabayashi is trying to knock him off the apron, the way he finally takes a huge bump over the top to the apron, the way he gets vertical on a school boy and makes it entirely plausible that his own upper torso could pin him. Akebono is a guy I need to do a Complete & Accurate on. You heard it here. This guy is pro wrestling. I love this match, I love freakshow fatties, and this was just pure pro wrestling.

Lesnar v. Cena review

PAS: I dug SMOP v. Strong BJ, but it was more a fun snack, then some sort of epic meal. Cena v. Lesnar was a French Laundry dinner

ER: This match felt like more of a celebration of scientific advancement than an epic wrestling match. "Our human technology and evolution has created two pumped up undersized powerhouses and two freakishly massive round squishing machines. LOOK WHAT WE CAN ACCOMPLISH. These matches were both spectacles that are unduplicatable. But Lesnar/Cena is perfectly crafted pro wrestling drama. This was a step below, as a nonstop "No WAY they'll be able to..." match, which is special in its own way. Still, champ retains.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2016

2016 Ongoing MOTY List: Hama v. Okabayashi

12. Ryoto Hama v. Yuji Okabayashi BJW 1/24

ER: I am a reputed fan of giant fat dudes in pro wrestling, and they don't really come fatter than Hama. Ryoto Hama is slightly shorter than me, but weighs almost 3x as much as me. If I one day decide to throw an additional 300 lb. on my frame, I would be Hama. I don't know how these guys do it. I got aches and pains on my body, just from life and sports and what not. But I don't have to deal with the knee/back/body pain that comes with carrying around extra weight, never mind a few hundred pounds of extra weight. Hama is limited but athletic, and a match like this will rely on Okabayashi being willing to get plastered with 450+ pounds of Hama splatting onto him. And thankfully for us, Okabayashi is more than willing. We laugh as Oka tries bullying Hama in the ropes, and Oka ends up standing to the side so all we can read on Hama's mawashi is HAM. And from there, Hama goes full HAM on Okabayashi. We get some big chops, though certainly powerful Oka's do not move Hama. We get some shoulderblocks which just seems like a death wish for Oka to attempt. Sure enough, he slams into Hama, gets knocked down, and Hama drops the biggest and best damn leaping elbow you've seen right onto Oka. Hama would continue his run of awesome giant fat guy offense, with a rolling senton, big butt offense, a huge sunset flip splat, but Oka starts turning things around after Hama misses his fast low splash. Oka starts in with big lariats but goes for one too many as Hama leaves his feet for a terrific crossbody. Hama punishes him with two splashes which I thought was certainly it. But he gets greedy and goes to the corner for presumably a banzai drop, leading to Okabayashi lariating him right in his giant butt before powerbombing him, then hitting two massive big splashes for the win, with Hama likely not able to roll over, like a centuries old giant tortoise. Okabayashi was a nut for taking all of Hama's excess fat guy offense, and I appreciate him for that. (also, might have to dig back and review all Akebono/Hama tag matches from earlier this decade).

PAS: Man alive Hama has gotten fat, I remember him as a regular sized fat guy and he is end of the road Yokozuna fat now. He is really great at using his fat, his elbow drops and barrell roles look like they are lung collapsing. I liked how Okabayashi sold each smush like he was going to throw up. He also knows that if you are going to hit a fat guy in the throat you had better hit him. I also totally bought the finish, Hama may be hard to knock down, but if you knock him down he is going have some trouble getting up. Really fun match.


2016 ONGOING MOTY LIST



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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

SLL's All-Request Tuesday Afternoon

The Southern Boys vs. The Freebirds (WCW, 1990)
Requested by Victator


This was the first of a best of three match series for the "Southern Tag Team Championship", which I had never heard of before, and which no records of actually exist. Until someone tells me otherwise, I'm guessing this was the Freebirds' Million Dollar Belt. It's not like I've ever gone out of my way to watch a lot of early 90's Freebirds matches, so I wouldn't really know.

Anyway, one of the big questions working on the Texas set left me with was how did Michael Hayes go from being so great in his '88 World Class run to being so bad in his '89/early 90's WCW run. This match does not provide much in the way of answers, though, because the 'Birds are actually pretty good here. Neither him nor Garvin are what they were in 1984, but they can both still throw hands and heel it up for the crowd, which is all either of them really need to do. Michael Hayes does that terrible "I will pin you by kneeling on your arms and posing so you can take me over in sunset flip position" spot, but other than that, no real complaints about their end of the match. The Southern Boys were a fun, high energy offensive team. Steve Armstrong had really pretty dropkicks, and Tracy Smothers made a great FIP. At one point, he eats a kneelift from Garvin on the apron and flew backwards into the guardrail. Nasty. Their finisher was pretty nifty, too. Not blowaway great or anything, but definitely a fun diversion.

Koji Kanemoto vs. Hayato Jr. Fujita (NJPW 5/26/2011)
Requested by Wrestling_KO Mike


Wow, I actually get to review a good 2011 puro match? It kinda figures, what with these being two really good wrestlers with a proven track record against one another. What's interesting to me though is that looking at it structurally (and taking away the expectations that come with the names "Kanemoto" and "Fujita"), I should have hated this match. It basically breaks down into two halves: one built around back-and-forth strike exchanges (the bane of 21st century puro matches), and one built around back-and-forth finishing hold exchanges (the bane of Kurt Angle-style workrate matches). You tell me that's how a match is structured, and I'll usually actively avoid it. So why does Kanemoto and Fujita trading forearms work when Sekimoto and Soya trading forearms in the match I reviewed last week didn't? For that, I direct you to something I wrote recently at the ProWrestlingOnly forums.

"Sell things the way you want people to buy them."

Kenta Kobashi and Kensuke Sasaki doing their big chop exchange at the Tokyo Dome in 2005 was a big, spectacular moment in a big, spectacular match. The idea that you can just throw that spot into any old match by two guys cosplaying as Kobashi and Kensuke and it will make your match a bigger deal is moronic. Kanemoto and Fujita are two jokers trying to replicate a tired spot that's long since had it's meaning sucked out of it. Kanemoto and Fujita are two angry pricks who are going to keep charging each other until the other goes down, and unlike all the other pretenders, it damn well looks like it. The botched apron double kick spot aside, everything was laid in hard and sold appropriately. The technical exchanges in the second half were super-slick and entirely convincing. Kurt Angle spent practically every match he's been in since the Rumble '03 Benoit match trying to recreate it. Within a month, his routine went from revolutionary to old hat. This felt as fresh and vital as Angle's work doesn't. They took a formula almost perfectly designed to drive me away, and they had me reeled in the whole time. I had not been paying very close attention to the Super Juniors tournament this year, so Hayato Jr.'s win caught me by surprise, too. Looks like it even caught him by surprise. Offhand, it struck me as the least of their three matches, but they are three very, very good matches, so that should not be read as a criticism at all. This is the real deal.

Sheik Khan Abadi & The Suburban Commandos vs. Johnny Plinko & Circum-Sexy (DMW 6/18/2011)
Requested by FLIK


I don't know what a Devil Mountain is, but it sounds like a great place to have a wrestling match. That said, I don't know how I feel about this one. As the unofficial internet consultant to the United Wrestling Coalition, I've watched a lot of poverty row indy wrestling lately. But while these guys were able to pull off bigger spots than the UWC crew usually goes for, I didn't always get the sense that they were any more polished than them. Pretty comfortable saying no one in this match was as on point as 2011 Twiggy Ramirez. And that's not a huge insult or anything, but it's not necessarily a great honor, either. I do want to say I liked the Suburban Commandos. They didn't use "It's a Nice Place to Live (But I Wouldn't Want to Visit)" as their theme, which feels like a missed opportunity, but they had a lot of big offense that I really liked. They had some cool double team spots. The military press dropped into a gutbuster on the other guy's knee was a personal favorite, as was their finish, an inverted flapjack into a powerbomb/neckbreaker combo. One of them also had a nasty snap backdrop. The finishing stretch was pretty suplex heavy, and I thought that was easily the best one. But they also had this one move where one of them had Johnny Plinko in wheelbarrow position, and Plinko willingly suspended himself straight outwards in the air so Sheik Abadi could come off of the ropes with a DDT. Business = exposed. And then there's the matter of the other four guys in the match. Sheiky baby threw some neat kicks and a running double knee, and broke out what I can only describe as a trust fall suicida, but he also had some really awkward moments, like a hot tag where he tried to get a little too fancy knocking the other heels off of the apron, and ended up rolling around out of place like a dolt. He wasn't awful or anything, but he left something to be desired. Then there were the heels. I didn't get the sense that any of them were terrible, but this was not a great showing for them. They tried to do this elaborate heeling shtick at the top of the match, but they had to choreograph it to involve all six guys doing the same thing at once, and the timing was way off. Really made it feel too stagey. They also were not afraid to stand around huddled together on the outside waiting forever to catch dives. That's not entirely their fault. I can understand the trust fall suicida taking too long to set up and them just being stuck waiting to eat it. But does catching one of the Commandos axehandles off of the apron require that much prep work? Beyond that, they seemed pretty non-descript. They also had a really superfluous manager. Seriously, he stood there the whole time during the opening micwork, and I don't think I even realized he was there until after the heels first got driven out of the ring. Even then, I wasn't sure he wasn't just the ring announcer or something. He did get involved later on, but I still don't know why he exists. Yeah, there was some interesting stuff going on here, but overall, it just didn't do it for me.

Eddie Gilbert vs. Ricky Morton (USWA 7/11/1992)
Requested by Tim Evans


Wow. So this is a roughly ten minute match between two really great wrestlers, who have kinda similar skill sets, though they tend to use them in different ways that would compliment each other. Two guys who are very much about dynamic brawling, dynamic selling, and dynamic playing to the crowd. This match is about dynamic nothing. I was genuinely stunned by how much this bored me. Did not see that coming at all. The match is mostly built around Morton keeping Gilbert trapped in an armbar, and these seem like the kind of guys who should be able to make that compelling. And well, it's not like either of these guys are Mutoh sitting around in a hold, but they're not what I expect from Morton and Gilbert, either. There really just isn't that much to talk about here, which is good in that it's Tuesday afternoon, and this was supposed to go up on Friday night, but not so good in that I want Morton and Gilbert to actually give me something to talk about. Kind of a strange finish, as the special TV time limit expires with Gilbert in control, but Gilbert wants five more minutes to put Morton away. He gets it, and is promptly flash pinned by Morton, who seemingly wins the USWA belt, but Gilbert never said anything about the five more minutes being for the belt, so he retains via Dusty Finish. It does, however, lead to a fun post-match angle where Eddie Marlin grants Morton a title rematch with any stipulation he wants, and Morton decides his dad Paul will be the special guest ref for the match (Gilbert: "I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD!"). Shame the body the match itself wasn't as compelling.

Daisuke Sekimoto & Yuji Okabayashi vs. Ryota Hama & Manabu Soya (BJW 4/28/2011)
Requested by ダニエル


Well, if nothing else, you've got to hand it to Big Japan. They got a hold of the All-Asia Tag Titles, and they make it a really, really big deal here, even playing the national anthem before the match. It's something that could've rung false, but I totally accepted it here. It probably helps that they were working in front of a really great crowd. Crowd chants "Dai Nihon", and I'm wondering when they last time the interpromotional aspect of an interpromotional feud in Japan actually felt significant. The fact they got over that angle in 2011 is really impressive. Also, damn, is Hase looking old. I mean, I know he was a wrestler and everything, but still, he just turned 50 in May. He probably shouldn't be quite this decrepit.

So the match starts, and it's not long before Sekimoto and Soya are doing the standard chop/forearm exchange. Again. It pretty quickly starts to like like this is going to be second verse, same as first, just with a better atmosphere, and I hunker down and prepare for the worst. And then, something strange happens. Sekimoto and Soya grabs each other by the hair, and Soya manages to push Sekimoto in the corner. Neither man will break, and Kyohei Wada actually has to step in between them, and when he can't break them up on his own, Okabayashi comes in to pull his tag partner off of Soya. Then, when Kyohei is admonishing Sekimoto, Soya pushes him aside and bum rushes Sekimoto. The crowd boos Soya's heelishness as he stomps a mudhole in Sekimoto, and it starts to dawn on me that I may be watching an actual good wrestling match. And then Hama tags in for the first time, and the idea is completely and totally confirmed. First of all, since the last time I saw him, Hama seems to have started taking some stylistic cues from Vader, only with a bit less of an emphasis on stiffness and a bit more on fatness. Secondly, good lord, is Ryota Hama ever fat. I know that's not a revelatory statement or anything, but seriously, that is a fat, fat man. He is built like a Moai head. It's amazing. Third, he kinda looks facially like a giant baby, and he only has one facial expression that he maintains through the entire match, yet he somehow manages to express every emotion he needs to with that one expression. I don't know if it's just some Sergei Eisenstein shit where I'm seeing the same face in different situations and projecting emotions onto it based on context or if he's really just that skilled, but I'm totally digging it. Look at his test of strength with Sekimoto and thrill as the expression he uses to display smug pride as he's winning shows surprise and alarm just as effectively when he's losing. Fourth, good lord, is Ryota Hama ever fat. And he knows how to use it. There are a bunch of great spots built around the fact that he is made entirely of sausages. Standing on Sekimoto's chest (with Soya pushing down on top of him), the rolling senton, the Abdullah elbow drop, the Umaga charging ass into an opponent slumped in the corner. He also makes a great brick wall. I mean, he is not as athletic of a brick wall as Mark Henry, but he definitely has his own thing going for him. Henry is a ridiculously built dude, so charging into him seems like charging into an actual brick wall, whereas charging into Hama is more "NOTHING MOVES THE BLOB!". His Vader Attack isn't as dynamic looking as Henry's Vader Attack, but he can two steps toward a charging Okabayashi, and you buy that the momentum required to move him two steps forward is all he needs to bounce Okabayashi right off of him. Also on the Vader tip, his punches aren't quite as stiff as Vader's (which isn't necessarily a bad thing, anyway), but he's throwing hands in sort of a Vader-ish way, and they do look pretty good, and the Big Van Crush on Okabayashi definitely looked like it could've been a credible match ender.

So this ended up being pretty fun, but it's not just down to pork vacuum Hama. Structurally, this is a massive improvement over the 2/6 match. That was a generic post-2005 puro heavyweight match, which is a shitty match formula that I almost never enjoy. However, most of the first half of this match is worked as an 80's southern tag, and most of the second half as a 90's All Japan tag, which are two awesome formulas that I almost always enjoy. Sekimoto was surprisingly effective working slab-of-beef-in-peril, and while I've already gone over what Hama brings to the table, I do want to say that Soya was very good here as well. He didn't play heel as overtly as a lot of guys do when working as interpromotional invaders, but he gave a hard-hitting, spirited performance, and came across way more determined and hateful here than the bland guy trying to convey fighting spirit in the last match. When he starts doing strike exchanges again late in the match, there's actually some emotion behind it, as opposed to just two guys going through the motions. Okabayashi is also way better here than he was in the previous tag. Admittedly, that's not hard, but he was fun coming in off of the hot tag (I lost my shit when he tried to rack Hama), and he gets a heat segment of his own that's pretty good before it breaks down into the 90's All Japan extended finishing stretch. Key to those is that you have to actually build emotional investment in the match during it's body so that the audience is hanging off of every nearfall at the end, something a lot of current puro matches forget to do. To that end, using the southern tag formula in the body to set up the long finishing stretch was actually an ingenious move, and I'm surprised it's not something that's done more often. This is another match I didn't know the outcome of going in, so Hama's Big Van Crush, Okabayashi and Sekimoto's awesome back-to-back top rope splashes, and Sekimoto's discus lariat (and probably a few other things I'm forgetting) all had me thinking it was over before it actually was. When the Big Japan crew finally does put down the invaders, Hiroshi Hase comes in with their belts and helps Sekimoto back to his feet, and they all hug, and it's one last big match moment that this little match that could actually deserved.

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Saturday, December 18, 2010

All Japan Real World Tag League 11/20/10

These Puro tourney Project always tend to flame out (SLL's G1, my attempt to get through the BOSJ), but this is a tourney with Joe Malenko and Tamon Honda so we might make it.

Dark Ozz/Dark Cuervo/MAZADA vs. Kaz Hayashi/Shuji Kondo/BUSHI

This had its moments, but it was underwhelming at the end. There was some pretty lucha exchanges with Hayashi and one of the fake Charlie Mansons. I have been watching a bunch of MPRO six mans and back in his Shiryu days he was one of the best at quick armdrag and rope running. Ozz (or maybe Cuervo) has a really nasty finishing piledriver. Still much of this was pretty sloppy and awkward looking. It kind of sucks that AJ sends their rookies to IWRG but brings over AAA guys, this match would have been much better with the Terrible Cerebros or Oficiales as the rudo team.

TARU/Minoru/Voodoo Mask vs. Masanobu Fuchi/Tsuyoshi Kikuchi/Tamon Honda

Not a long match, mostly comedy stuff with Kikuchi making faces at TARU. I am always happy to see Honda as he got to break out some Olympic Hell and his great deadlift German. This was undercard trios match, and really worked that way. No one was going to stretch out, they were going to do some shtick and hit some spots and go home.

Hiroshi Yamato vs. Keiji Muto

This was Muto diffidently squashing a young guy. He looked kind of bored and it resembled the laziest of Inoki New Japan matches. I remember Yamato kind of stinking up Black Terry matches in IWRG, but he seems to be someone they are pushing and I don't see any point in something like this.

KENSO/KONO vs. Seiya Sanada/Manabu Soya

I hadn't seen any of these guys before (outside of Kenzo Suzuki), and was pleasantly surprised at this ending up decent. First part of the match wasn't much, mostly Soya throwing clotheslines and KENSO choking folks with his scarf. The match built to a nice exciting finish. KENSO has a really cool looking dive and he hit it twice, and Soya and KONO did a cool near fall exchange with KONO hitting a nasty knee drop, not sure if I recommend the match, but I dug the end.

Masakatsu Funaki/Minoru Suzuki vs. Osamu Nishimura/Joe Malenko

This was as fun as I was hoping it would be. Malenko didn't look like he missed a step. We got a long awesome Malenko v. Funaki mat stand off in the beginning of the match which really had the feel of watching Navarro or Panther work holds. Suzuki and Nishimura had a really cool mat opening too, I loved the twists they put on the MUGA headscissors stuff. The match was pretty good when it sped up too, Malenko and Suzuki throwing headbutts on the floor was sweet. The draws you end up getting in these kind of tournaments can be kind of a buzzkill, but the finish run was awesome with Suzuki trying to lock on his sleeper and Malenko countering it with an ankle lock and both guys fighting over it. Really good stuff and I am hoping all of the Malenko shows up.

Taiyo Kea/Akebono vs. Suwama/Ryota Hama

Wow, I was pretty shocked at how much I dug this. Really had the feel of a solid WAR tag with a bunch of big heavyweight dudes pounding on each other. I always love battle of monsters and while I don't really get the sense Akebono or Hama are very good, their exchanges really felt like a pair of Bison smashing into each other. I was also really into Suwama v. Kea, their opening mat work was pretty great, with Kea doing some awesome amateur rides. The middle portion of the match was just guys pounding on each other, there is a great spot where Suwama just slams Akebono with short lariats until he finally chopped him down. Finish was really cool, Suwama had a very cool wobbly sell of a suplex, and you buy Kea getting the pin as a big moment.

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