Ain't This a Perfect Way, To Spend the Nite with Tony Halme

Tony Halme vs. Big Van Vader  NJPW 10/18/91 - FUN

ER: No idea what was coursing through Halme's system in 1991, but that big round belly present in his match against Hashimoto the month before was completely gone here, leaving Halme looking at least 20 pounds lighter. And this is a real big boy slugfest, though a little more controlled and slow-paced than I was hoping. Halme attacks Vader's belly the whole match with big shots, Halme coming off like a King of Fighters character who most people don't play as, but is an expert character in the right hands. He keeps things pretty simple here, allowing Vader to have most of the offense, but getting a big moment off a bodyslam/elbow drop combo. Halme is a guy who can convincingly slam a huge guy like Vader, and his big leaping elbow is the tasty cherry on that sundae. 

It's cool seeing Halme's body shots buckle Vader, but it's just as cool seeing Vader squish Halme with big avalanches, and trying out weirdo stuff like a sunset flip. Seriously, why would Vader sunset flip anybody? How weird is it to see a 375 lb. guy do a sunset flip? Rikishi wasn't out here doing sunset flips, people were foolishly sunset flipping him before getting squished! Super Porky isn't even close to the size of Vader, he's the one getting sunset flipped so his sweet cheeks can plop on someone's chest. But here's Vader, mammoth, doing a sunset flip, and Halme looks down in confusion at Vader on his back, kicking his legs in the air, before dropping down with a butt splash. Later Vader would pay that butt splash back with a much better one, and later than that would play himself with yet more butt splashing. Lots of butt splashes here. Vader's run of offense leading to the finish is great, as Halme's match structure appears to be to punch himself out and then eat a lot of offense down the stretch. I especially loved Vader hitting a standing splash, bouncing off the ropes and just crushing Halme, landing high up on his chest. The finish itself, however, is just about as lame as can be. Vader stands over a downed Halme, overly confident, and goes for another butt splash; Halme moves, rolls up Vader, and Vader appears to get his shoulders up at the 1 and 2 count, leading to about as flat a finish as possible. A match like this with two beasts needs a big KO finish or a definitive pin. This did no favors to either man, just a bad finish for a Finnish baddie.

Tony Halme vs. Kim Duk  NJPW 2/4/92 - FUN

ER: This was really simple, but I dug it. It's also sadly clipped in half, about 4 minutes of a 7.5 minute match. I assume the first few minutes are mostly controlled by Halme, as when we join the match we get right to Kim Duk making what appears to be his comeback (judging by how fans are reacting). Duk was made in the same mold as Masa Saito and several other New Japan hardasses, literally whatever mold they owned that created and shaped badass dudes with bellies that are hard as rocks. Duk burns out of the corner with a lariat, then smothers Halme with a nice chinlock (with some nice moments such as Halme struggling to pry Duk's arm from around his mouth). The New Japan crowds really hated Halme. The second he starts making his comeback the boos fire up immediately, and he's in there throwing hard body blows and straight right hands while presumably swearing loudly at the crowd in Finnish (he may not have been, but his face certainly looked like the faces one makes while swearing). He drops Duk with a nice vertical suplex, punches him on the mat, drops his big elbow, and the fans are just hating it. I soak up their hate. Halme soaks up their hate. He mangles the word Ichiban a couple times before hitting a Samoan drop for the finish.


COMPLETE AND ACCURATE TONY HALME