Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 30: Bloodlines

1. Paul London/Mala Suerte/Saltador vs. Ricky Mandel/Taya/PJ Black

ER: This is just the goofy mess it should have been. Rabbit Tribe kept trying a bunch of silly double teams, with some of them working and some not (which, due to their gimmick, some of their stuff really shouldn't work all the time), but they're approaching it the right way. I usually dislike the "man wrestler turned on by woman wrestler" spots, but I was amused by London diving to get in the way of a potential Taya bronco buster. Maybe it just felt like he fully committed to the spot, really gleefully wanting it. So I suppose charm and committment is the key to making assault funny! I dug Jack Evans' sign ("If I was in the match we would have won by now") and Mala Suerte hits a kind of tornillo dive from the apron over the ringpost. This was fine.

TL: Wait, did Striker seriously say about Paul London, “He took the pill that made him bigger?” Like, he accused him of doing steroids or something? And then he immediately redeems himself by dropping WINK MARTINDALE’S name, which I know popped Eric like it did me. Just wait till I help turn SC into a “High Rollers” blog. We’re really close to becoming a Supermarket Sweep blog, anyways. On to the match, which is indeed a Rabbit Tribe trios match. The aforementioned Taya corner spot sure is something. Jack Evans as a character in a Looney Tunes episode with his signs is right up my alley. Enjoyable to say the least, as Rabbit Tribe has found a way to make the goofiness work. In the postmatch skit, really wish Evans had his whiteboard with him.

2. Jeremiah Crane vs. Mil Muertes

ER: YES! This was the match I was waiting for. After hearing all season from people who attended the tapings that "this season was the craziest yet" I have now spent 29 episodes being mostly disappointed. And it wasn't due to high expectations, the action just seems nowhere near as good as the first season. This match felt like the closest we've come to the best brawls of the series. I just love Mil in these crowd brawls. He's bigger than the guys we typically see moving through the crowds, so these shots from above feel more like helicopter shots of Godzilla wrecking everything in his path. The match starts at the top of the temple steps and there might not be anybody better than Crane at violently flying through rubble. He can bring violence, but he's best at inviting violence onto his own person. Muertes throws him through the bleachers, brutally through the chairs, in a fun moment he flapjacks Crane on the stairs' handrail and Crane slides all the way down to the floor bent at the waist. Muertes is a beast, and as he beat Crane with meaty fists I actually liked Stryker pointing out "this is why middleweights typically don't fight heavyweights". Crane goes for his bottom ropes tope and Muertes literally doesn't budge, Crane just bounces off of him. We get a bunch of chairs involved including hard shots to the side of the head and nasty spills into them. In an absolutely nuts spot Crane sets up a table on the floor and takes too long leering at Catrina, allowing Mil to come crashing to the floor with a spear. And the spear doesn't actually break the table! Crane goes flying and Muertes just bulls grossly into the table, later slamming Crane through the bent up table. Crane doesn't go down easy and I wouldn't expect him to and didn't want him to, and we get an appropriate amount of violence. This was everything I wanted out of it.

TL: So this match is supposed to be one of the highlights of this season from what I heard coming in, but that’s really all I heard. No specifics. This has also had a nice little build and is the first thing I saw when starting up these reviews with Eric. The fact it starts with Mil jumping Crane from behind during his entrance makes it stand out immediately. Then, they just absolutely beat the crap out of each other from that moment on, and as much as I’m hot and cold on Crane, when he decides to bump big and sell, he’s as good as anyone on the planet. This match basically requires it since Mil wants revenge for the cheap win earlier in the season, so Crane is from underneath and takes a great beating. The bottom rope tope suicida where Crane just bounces off Muertes is one of the best spots I’ve seen in quite a while. Muertes no-selling the spit chop gets a pop from me, and an even bigger pop when Crane readies the cannonball only for Muertes to freight train him. I mean, this is an absolute mauling by Muertes. Considering what we had seen Crane do in the tourney matches before this, it’s as if the bookers made this match to force him to sell. The best thing this match does is reinforce that Crane just keeps coming forward, but you just can’t do that against Mil, and when he goes down from the chair shots, it’s a big deal considering what Crane had absorbed all match. Then, as Eric mentioned with the table, Crane got a bit too happy he was finally on offense and took that nasty bump through the table off the spear. And then another powerbomb through the half-broken table. Crane’s comeback with the choke and then the cannonball through the table was well earned, but good lord almighty, THIS is the Crane I want. Mil Muertes is amazing. One of the best matches in LU history, and while the All Night Long match was definitely surprising in a way that made it better than it probably was, this match is right there with it, maybe even more so.

TL: FBI agent coming into Cueto’s office and it ISN’T Burt Macklin? No dice.

3. Texano vs. Pentagon Dark

ER: This was fine considering the dropped stock of both guys (for my personal viewing), and I'm happy Pentagon advanced as I actually could have seen something ridiculous like Texano advancing to the finals. The Famous B stuff feels far too distracting considering they have seemingly been involving Pentagon in "serious" angles. So having him out in a serious fight with Brenda screaming at ringside for most of the match feels off. But I liked the horseshoe finish and Pentagon made the punch count. The arm breaking stuff is pretty stupid at this point, and having Pentagon break Brenda's arm to a huge babyface reaction makes a lot of the "under-advantaged women fighting for themselves" stuff they've done seem pretty pointless (if it hadn't already felt that way). Sexy Star has taken up too much time on TV being "a superhero to abused girls everywhere", and a bunch of dudes still jumping up and down while Brenda screams in pain seems like we went through countless bad segments for nothing. But I guess it's kewl because Pentagon has zero fear? I'm glad he was able to finally stand up to Brenda.

TL: I guess they had to figure out a way for Texano to basically go 50/50 with Dark considering how he was booked in the tourney, but this match didn’t really do much of anything for me considering they had to get Famous B and Brenda involved. Have no idea why Pentagon of all people needs to be winning a match with a foreign object, but that’s what this match ended with. (I agree that it was a good shot, though.) Just one of those matches that advanced nothing. Postmatch was disturbing and rendered Sexy Star pointless, so at least that happened.

TL: Eric absolutely no-selling the amulet stuff with Katrina that’s obviously a rip-off of Legends of the Hidden Temple is beyond me. Considering he’s the only person I know who loved that show more than me, I would have at least expected a Purple Parrots reference or something.


ER: We are now slowly transitioning into a Legends of the Hidden Temple/Supermarket Sweep blog. Gotta do a crowd opinion poll and see how many people would be down for show reports. We can count how many awkward high fives occur between the pre-teen members of the opposite sex, chart the disappointment on partners faces when they get stuck with a dummy partner on the Steps of Knowledge, report on Kirk Fogg's improv abilities as he stretches for time while interviewing contestants about their crystal horse collection....this feels like a dangerous suggestion.

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