Segunda Caida

Phil Schneider, Eric Ritz, Matt D and occasional guests write about pro wrestling. Follow us @segundacaida

Sunday, August 07, 2016

Within Segunda Caida's Wheelhouse: FMW vs. UWF vs. Barbed Wire

Yoshihiro Takayama/Masakatsu Funaki/Takuma Sano/Mitsuya Nagai vs. Atsushi Onita/Ricky Fuji/NOSAWA Rongai/Raijin Yaguchi (No Rope Barbed Wire, FMW 6/21/16)

ER: I have no idea what this was, or who it was designed to appeal to, or...well I guess I just don't understand Japan. The cat is outta the bag. What would be the American equivalent to this? Maybe an old timers softball game, except when Ozzie Smith picks up a ball then Dave Winfield is allowed to punch him in the dick? This match feels one step removed from WWE including a clause in their Legends' Contract stating "We reserve the right to one day film a WWE Network reality show where you may be hunted for sport". Several of these guys had very respectable, high end careers. Funaki is a pioneer, Takayama had one of the great puro runs of my lifetime, Sano has had great matches spanning decades, just seems a weird and sad and weird match to even be taking place. Nagai is the lone UWF guy with the sense to show up in jean shorts and a t-shirt. Takayama, Funaki and Sano are all in their trunks and kickpads, looking older and confused, as if they were tricked into being there. I refuse to believe that Takayama still regularly wrestles for actual real promotions. He wrestles the way people think they remember brain damaged Terry Gordy wrestling. I don't think he was able to throw one kick without immediately losing his balance and stumbling backwards. Sano now weirdly resembles Bob Backlund in the face, and I would be greatly interested in seeing a 2016 Backlund/Sano match. I guarantee you by the end of the year I'll have watched good matches featuring older luchadors. NOSAWA looks the same as he always does, Ricky Fuji looks like old weird Gregg Allman, Yaguchi looks like glam Kabuki, and Onita still *looks* like a fucking rock star. Dude could be playing bass in Guitar Wolf for all I know. I do hope he plays bass better than he approximates pro wrestling though. This was about 10 minutes of guys trying not to touch barbed wire, caring mostly about seeing where the barbed wire was in relation to their person, instead of caring about throwing decent strikes. We got SOME decent strikes. Onita took a kick to the eye. Onita also took a couple whips into the wire. I actually thought Funaki was going to be crazy enough to go into the wire, but he reversed Onita into it. Takayama got slammed through a barbed wire board, Sano got hit with a chair and fully looked like he did not want to be there. Some brawling on the floor made up in spirit what it lacked in quality. Onita won with some sort of chickenwing choke on Sano that was so loosely applied that I did not realize he had a chickenwing choke on Sano. I thought he was holding him or something, so that another old FMW guy could inflict actual damage on him. This was a match with old FMW guys and old UWF guys and barbed wire for ropes. I am going to go ahead and assume that all puro is currently just like this.

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Anonymous bucky said...

LOL. This sounds awesome and terrible and I appreciate you watching it so none of us have to. I remember some weird combo of Fujiwara, Ohtani and Onita in an exploding barbed wire fiasco from a couple years ago being transcendent and unique. Too bad this didn't reach those highs.

10:47 PM  

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