A Shine In Pirata Morgan's Hair And A Steel In His Eyes, Only Nineteen And Impossibly Wise

Pirata Morgan, Jerry Estrada, & Villano III vs. Mascara Sagrada, Tarzan Boy, & Super Astro Promo Azteca 10/10/1997 - SKIPPABLE

I'm a little torn on this one. On the one hand, I mostly enjoyed myself watching it, but on the other, I walked away feeling really unfulfilled. The rudos do a good primera caida beatdown of the technicos, Super Astro does his usual cool shit and busts out a great corner tope, Sagrada bleeds, and Tarzan Boy is fairly game. But there were some awkward moments, the whole thing was really rushed, and the finish was extremely flat. Astro gets eliminated abruptly, but the rudo win actually drags out for another minute or so, and it's not like the remaining technicos look like they have match of a chance. Felt like the equivalent of booking an NBA game to end on a held ball with the winning team up 20 points. It wasn't an a nail-biter. It wasn't an amazing blowout. It's just not very compelling. And more distressing for my purposes is that Pirata looked like one of the least guys in this match, and certainly the least of the rudos (though that is a killer lineup). I mean, he wasn't bad or anything, but he felt roughly equal to Tarzan Boy and beneath Mascara Sagrada, and that should never be the case. I still enjoyed this for the most part, and I guess you could argue it was both FUN and SKIPPABLE, but it felt more SKIPPABLE than FUN. You can find a better use of 13 minutes.

Pirata Morgan, Jerry Estrada, Ultimo Guerrero, & Ultimo Rebelde vs. Zorro, Super Parka, Salsero, & Torero Promo Azteca 9/12/1997 - GREAT

This is a better use of your free time. Estrada and the Ultimos are rocking matching black bodysuits covered in neon green tassels, so this clears the FUN bar for wardrobe alone. Super Parka is not his nephew. He acquits himself fine here, but his attempts at matching La Parka's physical comedy are lackluster at best. At the top of the match, he gets tripped by Ultimo Guerrero, but responds by doing push-ups for a while as Guerrero looks on in bafflement. It's not really a funny gag on it's own. It seems like it could lead to something funny (he trips Guerrero, Guerrero tries to do as many push-ups as Parka but gets winded, maybe), but it isn't followed up on. You know that episode of The Simpsons where Ranier Wolfcastle does stand-up comedy? "Do you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up?....That's the joke." Yeah, it kinda feels like that. But he actually looks pretty good otherwise, and I'm genuinely kinda impressed by his ability to balance on the top rope while the Ultimos were shaking it. I was also really amused by Ultimo Rebelde selling frustration over not being able to shake Parka off of the top rope. We may not have actual La Parka, but at least Rebelde and Guerrero looked good as heels flustered by the babyface's comedy antics. They actually made good underlings here, and really made me wish Guerrero went a more traditional rudo route than the fake New Japan junior shit he adopted later in his career. They get paired up a bunch against Salsero and Torero. I really enjoyed Salsero's performance. He felt like the more fun "fun babyface" on his team, and did some pretty solid brawling as well. The initial fun face dominance in the first fall to to heel violence in the second, as these things tend to do. Then it turns around again in the third fall, with Salsero and Torero ripping at the Ultimos' masks and biting at open wounds, which I can always appreciate. Meanwhile, Pirata beats the shit out of Zorro before Super Parka starts gouging at his eye, which seems like a really good strategy to use against him. They have a fun little exchange which culminates in Pirata taking a no-hands somersault bump over the top rope to the floor, followed by a really cool dive train. I'd say Salsero wins with his somersault plancha, but that really means Pirata wins, because he did a less controlled version of the same spot TO THE FUCKING FLOOR, and that means you win the dive train. Admittedly, this is kinda by the numbers lucha, but it's very well-done by the numbers lucha, and that's what matters to me.

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE PIRATA MORGAN