Lucha Libre USA: Masked Warriors Workrate Report, 10/8/11

This was on TV and my DVR picked it up, so why not. They have some minis I like and I used to dig Corleone.

Lizmark Jr. out with a promo to start! And man, Charly Manson footage is all over this show. Isn't that guy going to be in prison for many years? Lizmark is awesome on the stick because he talks just like Antichristo. Lizmark hired a guy to paint a portrait of him at ringside tonight! So he's going to go start posing! So that means Sydistiko gets the mic. Sydistiko is really bad on the mic. So he talks a lot.

1. Magno/Rocky Romero vs. Treachery (Rellik/Sydistiko):

Oh man, and the announcer says what everybody wants to hear, "Rocky Romero has a microphone!" It goes about as well as you imagine it would.

Sydistiko is Paul London and holy lord 2 minutes later he is still horrible on the mic, now made worse by having a mic duel with Romero. He does a bunch of "crazy" laughing and while I don't think anybody does that well, London does it worse than most.

Everybody in the ring to start and it isn't very good. Announcers keep calling the ring "the hexalateral ring". That probably won't catch on as much as "The Octagon", and I am bummed they did not try and carve out their niche with a two-sided ring, but oh well. Call me crazy, but Rellik actually looked good for large parts of this. Everybody in it looked awkward a lot of the time, but Rellik looked...the least awkward. He threw nice low clotheslines, made Romero look good by taking all his ranas and armdrags great (including one nice bump where he threw Romero up for a flapjack and Romero swung it into a rana). Yeah, Rellik made Romero offense look really good, and that has to count for something. He also made a Romero clothesline look hard and made his preposterous Sliced Bread variation look good, so Rellik is my new favorite LLUSA worker. Romero hit a nice fast dive on London but then the last 2 minutes totally fall apart, some ninja interferes and kicks a chair into Rellik's face, who gets up moments later to do a rope run sequence with Romero anyway. Magno hits a nice corkscrew splash off the top for the win. Rellik all the way, baby!

RJ Brewer/Petey Williams promo! Their stable is called "The Right" which sounds...problematic. Brewer is a real old 30, and Petey Williams of all people talks about how much it makes him sick seeing these circus performers disgracing his sport. I'm positive that you can go to any small local circus, and every performer in it will show more performance acuity than Petey Williams. My family and I went on a cruise to South America years ago, and there was a misled white teenager on board with really bad dreads, who spent most of the trip practicing with his devil sticks. On the final night of the cruise the on board entertainment is "Talent Show" using volunteers from the passengers. Some frat boys did an acapella Boyz II Men song (seriously), two teenage girls from Texas did a dance routine to the song "Lightning Crashes" by Live (seriously), and that misled white teenager with bad dreads did a "performance" with his devil sticks with no music, minimal pre-planning, or any actual stick juggling skill. And he showed more chops performing in front of crowds than Petey Williams does.

Video is shown of Rebecca Reyes marrying Pequeno Halloween, then secret footage is shown of Tigresa Caliente roofying her drink, which made her forget getting married to Halloween. She sounds really disinterested as she does voice over of the footage: "Oh, you know what? She's putting something in my drink! I bet you that's why I didn't remember anything." I assume she sounds so disinterested because - being with Matt Hardy - she's likely had any number of things slipped into her drink and/or bloodstream that she just assumes this is what people do. I hope she's more convincing on the witness stand than she was during her VO work.

2. Pequeno Halloween/Tigresa Caliente vs. Octagoncito/Mascarita Dorada:

Tigresa has a weirder HGH belly than Scott Steiner. She seriously appears to be pregnant here. Announcers: "There is no woman alive who is built like Tigresa." I'll be honest you guys, you may find this hard to believe, but Tigresa ruined the match. I know if I was in the back laying out a match that featured three really good minis, and one uncomfortably shaped uncoordinated woman, I would write it out so that the uncoordinated woman was in the ring for every second of the match. Mini Halloween looked GREAT in this, though. I think the CMLL minis have suffered a bit this year without him as a base anchoring the rudo teams. Here he bumps all over (including the awesome Halloween bump sliding under the bottom rope) and really is just a perfect base for Dorada. I don't know if I've ever seen something more awkward than Tigresa working spots with Dorada. That had to be a rib. And speaking of ribs, Tigresa does a horrifying kneedrop to Octagoncito that appears to land full force and had to have hurt BAD. Then Rebecca gets in the ring and her and Tigresa work shirt tearing spots for what seems like many minutes. But hey...Pequeno Halloween worked like Pequeno Halloween!

Marco Corleone comes out and destroys Lizmark Jr.'s painting that he's had commissioned this evening. The announcers are stunned. In a week or two when someone brings out a cake, I assume they'll all unwittingly stand next to it with plates waiting to get a slice.

3. Petey Williams vs. Super Nova:

Heyyyy this was a Petey Williams match. He has a weird way of taking a big bump, and making it look like it didn't hurt at all. Here he gets thrown over the top and crashes to the floor, but it looks about as painful as stepping off a curb. Petey works the leg and it's just not very good. Then Nova gets a good comeback spot, until randomly just stopping the comeback after a spinning heel kick, selling doing the move just as much as Petey sells taking the move. Both of them, just lying there, for a loooong time. Super Nova adjusts his pants a lot. Match ends at some point.

Post match we get Magno and Brewer exchanging challenges for a mask vs. hair match NEXT WEEK! I take the clippers to my hair, and Brewer's hair is somehow shorter than mine, so that will be a blast!

So...Rellik? I liked Rellik?