THE FINAL! ROH TV Workrate Report: 4/4/11

Think I'll spend eternity in the city
Let the carbon and monoxide choke my thoughts away
And pretty bodies help dissolve the memories
But they can never be what ROH was to me

So this is it. I made it. We watched a lot of Christopher Daniels matches together. We saw a lot of unfortunate eye-liner. Especially in the Daniels/Devon Storm match. We saw some white males, with short brown hair, do a lot of moves to each other. Sometimes those moves finished matches. Sometimes those moves inspired another white male with short brown hair to pop to his feet, unleashing his own move. That move probably got a 2.9 count. We didn't have to see a lot of Davey Richards, and for that we are thankful. And we got a couple Necro matches. If anything, we got Necro matches. We'll always have those.

We get a bunch of highlight packages, and ROH is pretty damn good at making wrestlers that I don't like look pretty decent in highlight form. Davey and Generico making stupid scowly angry faces will never look cool though, no matter the context.

1. Looks like just one match on the last show, and it is Kings of Wrestling/Roderick Strong vs. Briscoes/Davey Richards. They've allotted about 35 minutes for it, so this could be epic. Castagnoli and Mark roll around for awhile, and no man gains an advantage!! Hero and Davey also roll around for awhile, and Hero is really good at rolling around. His rolling looks better than Davey's. Jay and Strong in now and the rolling is over as they hit each other! With elbows! Jay has a really nice flying headscissors and Strong SUWA's himself over. Strong has nice chops and then stands on Jay's neck while mockingly kicking his head with his free foot.

Claudio in and everybody goes wild with offense on him, with the Briscoes doing a double suplex and Davey taking a week to lock on a kneebar. Mark back in and hits a great headbutt. When did he lose his teeth, anyway? I know he's been missing them for awhile, but were they gone in the early 2000s as well? I don't remember.

Davey's handspring always looks ridiculously out of place in matches, so it warms my heart that Claudio catches him in a massive airplane spin to punish him for his ridiculous handspring. Claudio does a suplex and Davey reverses into an ankle lock. I hope Angle doesn't get pilled up and see this, as Meltzer might report his tweets as news. I mean, Claudio is balding and did a suplex. Davey did an ankle lock. Why else would Twitter exist in Angle's mind?

Sara Del Ray looks awesome kicking the shit out of Davey on the floor. I will genuinely miss seeing her on TV. Back in the ring and Claudio does a big falling clothesline and Davey bumps it awesomely on his shoulder. He couldn't be too beaten up though, as he handsprings and does a preposterous knee. Man that move looks dorky. Briscoes in and get a bunch of cool double team offense like stiff clotheslines and shoulderblocks, then a DVD/flying elbow drop combo. Hero hits a dangerous looking Asai moonsault (because he almost went splat) and then his rolling thrust kick. That move really shouldn't work but damn if he doesn't make it look good. Davey tags in and starts howling and doing a bunch of thigh slappy offense. Claudio is awesome trying to leap and grab Hero's leg to block a superplex. Hero shows Davey how to be a bad motherfucker by just blasting him with an elbow, and in a great spot, blasting him again during a Davey dive sequence, stopping the dive dead in its tracks and killing Davey (until Davey jumped up like 3 seconds later).

Match goes crazy at this point with everybody in and no tagging, just nuts. Nutty somersault dive (with the guard rail like 3 feet from the ring) by Jay, then Mark follows with one into the crowd. Del Ray accidentally eats a Claudio thrust kick, and Strong helps out Davey big time by bumping violently for his clothesline. Strong submits to the ankle lock and we're out.

Match had a real hot finishing run and was a blast. Good way to go out and I will miss seei...Oh, shit TREMORS is on after ROH on HDNet!!! Fuck, can't stay nostalgic forever. THEY'RE UNDER THE GODDAMNED GROUND!! THAT'S HOW THEY GET YOU!!! Fuck you ROH.

TREMORS!!!