APW TV Workrate Report: 12/18/10

1. "The Russian Wolf" Alexis Derevko vs. Dylan Drake starts us off and I had NO idea APW had a Russian hammer n' sickle worker!! YES!! He's fat and carries a chain and I am fully invested in this. Alexis has nice punches and throws a solid missed clothesline, really making Drake duck. Drake starts picking apart the Russian's knee and it's kinda weird to see a face taking the knee apart of the heel, since that would likely mean the evil Russian is going to comeback against adversity, fighting against all odds. That being said Derevko sells a knee really nicely. Derevko also does a lot of cool stuff like shake out his fist and this guy is awesome. Buuuuut...

Derevko goes for a side Russian leg sweep (duh) and Drake holds onto the ropes to block it. Sanders wins with a sharpshooter.

Derek Sanders is in the ring scolding his African American charge again. Scolding. The black guy (Will Rood) makes frowny sad faces but his BOSS Derek makes some good points. Rood was brought in to take out Dylan Drake and he didn't do his job. When I was using Yahoo Internet Messenger at work and my boss found out, I got told that I can't do that anymore or I'll get reprimanded. Made sense to me. It was distracting me from work, I wasn't being paid to IM with friends. Derek brought Rood in to do a specific job. He hired him to do ONE task...and Rood didn't do it. How is Sanders the bad guy here? Rood is very bland and has a very slight build, so maybe Derek learned his lesson and will hire someone more dynamic and imposing next time. Is Derek being a dick? Probably, but he hired Rood to do ONE TASK and he failed. Who can get behind Rood in this situation? All I know about him is that he can't do the work he was hired to do. I don't know if he nailed the employee interview or what, but he got the job and now is all frowny because he's being told he didn't do the job.

When I was 10 and would spend summer vacations sitting around the house, swimming, and playing video games, my mom would be furious if she came home and found that I didn't do some of the chores she had given me. And that happened. There were some days where playing Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past seemed waaaay more fun than weeding the front flower beds. And then I would get in trouble when she got home. And I deserved it. I knew I had fucked around all day, so of course I deserved punishment. Derek Sanders hasn't even HIT Will Rood yet, and within the confines of professional wrestling, if you hire someone to do a task and they go 0 for 1 in accomplishing that task, you should be allowed to hit that guy. My mom would smack me, shoot, sometimes throw her shoe at me. And I deserved it. Smacking someone makes even MORE sense within a pro wrestling context. I hope Derek at least gets some money back or something, or some grant from the government for taking pity and hiring an ineffective worker.

They do a really weird music video hyping up Jody Kristofferson vs. Derek Sanders that goes on for like 7 minutes, and it's basically slo motion clips of their previous match, interspersed with shots of cutscenes from a helicopter video game. This all went way over my head. This was horrible. They showed practically the whole match, and then would just cut to shots of choppers blowing up villages. I have no idea what they were going for with this. I don't think I'm doing a very good job explaining why this was terrible. Slo mo wrestling match ---> video game helicopters ---> wrestling ---> helicopters. For like 6 minutes.

2. Derek Sanders vs. Jody Kristofferson FOR THE TITLE is our main, and Sanders is stalling like crazy. Sanders takes regular breathers on the floor, and I really would have liked to see some Call of Duty cutscenes during some of these breathers. This goes on for awhile, until Sanders rolls in and gets nailed by the spear from Kristofferson, but then Rood attempts to redeem himself by distracting Jody from the apron. Sanders recovers and runs Jody into Rood, then rolls him up for the win. So Rood at least served as some sort of purpose so that Sanders could get a return on his investment. I guess they want me to really get behind Rood but shit man. The economy is rough. There has to be dozens of unemployed people that would want his job. "So all I gotta do is interfere for you and maybe throw some guy out of a battle royal now and again? Yeah, sure. I also have experience in plumbing, some septic, took a welding class at the JC...but if you just need me to run distractions for you, sure..."

And they see this guy on TV, regularly fucking up, and his boss naturally getting pissed. Rood is eventually gonna snap back and vanquish his evil boss, but fuck that man. Running your own business is tough. Sanders hires one fucking guy to help with his business, and it's clearly giving him more headaches than if he would've just hired nobody. He constantly has to be on his ass and if that's the case it would likely be easier to do the job himself. He gave Rood a chance, shoot numerous chances, and he's not really seeing a return on his investment. Now if Rood starts just annihilating people and really making sure that Boss's belt is gonna be around that waist for a while, and THEN Sanders starts yelling at him...well hey, that's how shit works out sometimes. Do your fucking job Rood, and stop bitching about it.