The Comprehensive Segunda Caida Review of nWo Souled Out, Part 2

When we last left off with our comprehensive, unauthorized review of nWo Souled Out, WCW President Eric Bischoff was planning the dick swing of all dick swings with Cedar Rapids mayor Lee Clancey: Bringing the superstars of World Championship Wrestling to the land that the Meskwaki Indians (known as the Fox Tribe to some) originally settled on the banks of the Red Cedar River.

Lee Clancey, the mayor with the most racist sounding name in Cedar Rapids history, was always looking for ways to stick Dubuque Second Ward Representative Roy D. Buol's nose right in the shit, and there was no better way to do that than by hosting a professional wrestling pay per view spectacular.

Buol sat in his tasteful yet erotic office located on the historic west side of Dubuque. It was a balmy January afternoon. He had just finished his bag lunch, packed lovingly by his wife of 17 years, Sheila.  One cheese sandwich (wheat bread, touch of mayo to prevent dryness), a banana and a half thermos of soup*. After having just experienced the "best Autumn of his life", Buol was ready to get back to the business of the day: supervising administrative officers, formulating policies, exercising city powers in regards to the future development of the city, etc.

Suddenly, a knock at the door.

It was his secretary, also named Sheila. She had arrived with an opened stack of mail for him to peruse. One letter immediately stood out, from a Mr. Eric A. Bischoff. The envelope had crudely executed, obscene drawings on the outside, appearing to depict various acts of bestiality, and also the word "boobs" scrawled several times in different fonts. The scribblings were such that it appeared to have been drawn using a non-dominant hand. Upon further inspection, Second Ward Rep Buol found no postage. Whomever had sent this to him had clearly had it dropped off in person. He hastily pulled out the contents of the manila envelope and found one simple sheet of cheap paper. On it was printed:

SUBJECT: Women in your Area. Come Over Tonight.


"Women what we think you might know are sharing discreet pics of themselves.

They are posting these pics on an Adults Only one night stand community.

We are going to allow you to view these pictures of women that you may know.

We will also allow you to contact them to see if they would like to have a one night stand with you.

We think you know some of them because they live near your zip code.

These ladies are looking for casual discreet affairs. You may recognize them right away, due to the high population of whores presently residing in Dubuque.

You can contact any women you see at this community and ask them out.

Or you can just flirt with them. But you should try and set up an intimate date with some of them."

The letter was not signed, but there was a phone number written on the back. He immediately recognized the number as that of his own mother, below which was written "Go to your window". Enraged and feeling his face getting hot, Buol went to his window and breathed in sharply through his nose when he saw, sprayed in some kind of foam onto the side of his newly leased Toyota Tercel "ROY BOUL'S [sic] MOTHER GETS IT".

Buol breathed out heavily through his nose, felt his teeth grind as he clenched his jaw.

"SHEILA!!"

Buol gruffly shouted towards his closed office door.

"GET THAT ASSHOLE LEE CLANCEY ON THE PHONE!"


To Be Continued.....


*Conflicting documents were found on exactly what soup Buol had, as one commonly cited report refers to his frequently eaten chicken noodle soup, while another document listed a soup exotically referred to as "reduced sodium cracked pepper tomato soup". I'm inclined to believe it was the former, as I'm unsure whether the concept of cracked pepper had infiltrated the greater Corn Belt area by 1997. Since I could not find definitive documentation on Mr. Buol's soup that day, I felt it wouldn't be fair to speculate either way.


Part I

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The Comprehensive Segunda Caida Review of nWo Souled Out, Part I

Months back I did a fire fundraiser for my friend and co-worker Jan, who lost her home and all of her possessions in a terrible rampaging forest fire that scorched 2,000 structures and ended up costing $700 million in insurance losses. Many of you kindly and lovingly donated, and with my donations I was able to raise well over $500 for her. In the grand scheme of life, it's not a whole lot. But I have no doubt that it helped immensely in the moment. One of the requests of me, from reader Nick P, has not yet been written by me. Here's Nick's request:

"Hiya, big fan of your work. Extra points for how sweet it is to do this.

Anyway I donated $20, and since I've never read a satisfyingly substantive analysis of the pay-per-view anomaly that is the original nWo Souled Out (1997), that is my request. Presumably it's in there on the Network... I'd link but I don't have a subscription. Thanks.

(Would have chosen the ranking of Lawler punches but you'll probably get to that on your own someday.)"

Not only did he break out a fine Marvin Monroe "Hiya", but he even takes things far enough to politely compliment me in two distinct and equally wonderful ways, feigning that he both is a big fan of my work, while also thinking I'm sweet (an underrated and underutilized compliment for a man to receive from another man). So he's already off to a great start.

And onto the request itself, for a satisfyingly substantive analysis of the original nWo Souled Out PPV from 1997. Now I can tell you that I have never seen this PPV, as it occured during a period where I had yet to get back into pro wrestling, and upon coming back into the fold of pro wrestling viewers I would not say I actively avoided this PPV, but didn't find it necessary to go far out of my way to see this PPV. Because, as some of you likely know, it's not supposed to be a very good PPV. I truthfully don't even know what matches are on the card, but I seem to remember without Googling anything that it was not well received. And Nick wants a "satisfyingly substantive analysis". In life, mostly, I am a man of my word. And because of that I want to give Nick everything he possibly could have desired or meant when he requested a "satisfyingly substantive analysis" of nWo Souled Out 1997. I am going to do the most exhaustive, pointless, dreadful, and poorly researched piece of writing than any human has ever done on this PPV. And all because Nick was a kind enough person to help out a stranger in need. And Nick, this is all possible because of you. I hope you enjoy this. If not, you know...just feel free to request something else.


CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - The year was 1997, and mayor Lee Clancey had a vision. He had accomplished his first vision in 1995, when he was named "mayor with the most racist sounding name in Cedar Rapids' history". Lee Clancey wanted to bring pay per view professional wrestling to his city. Previous mayors had brought in large attractions: Don Canney brought in globally acclaimed asshole shitnoise makers Yes; Larry Serbousek brought in a minor league Twins affiliate and a pretty nice shopping mall; but Clancey wanted to bring THEE World Championship Wrestling in to play the grandaddy of them all, The Five Seasons* Center.

Cedar Rapids has the 2nd largest population in Iowa, a fact you would know if you drove past their official city sign, which reads "Now entering Cedar Rapids. We're not Des Moines, but we're sure as hell not Dubuque." Clancey read that sign almost every day, as he drove past it on his way to the Office of the Mayor from his nearby home in Iowa City. "We're not Dubuque. We're never going to be Dubuque. But if I can bring in the biggest pro wrestling stars in the world, maybe the world will finally stop getting us mixed up with Dubuque. Hollywood Hogan, Scotty Riggs, Kevin Nash....all the big boys...playing in CR..."

WCW had set up camp in Cedar before, some 3 years prior, for Clash of the Champions XXVIII. Eric Bischoff was impressed by the charming yet industrious burg, childhood home of acting superstar Elijah Wood, birthplace of award winning newspaper the Cedar Rapids Gazette. Bischoff was more than game to return to a place with ample walking trails, diverse dining, and a charmingly open culture. He would bring his biggest stars - Scott Hall, Hugh Morrus, Scott Steiner - back to this jewel of the midwest, and home of Iowa's African American Museum.

On the afternoon of January 25, 1997, Eric Bischoff and Lee Clancey would get exactly what they want:


To give a big old Iowa FUCK YOU to Dubuque Second Ward Representative Roy D. Buol.


Roy D. Buol's winter was about to get alllllll kinds of torn up. And right after he had the best Autumn of his life.

To Be Continued.....


*Iowans celebrate 5 seasons throughout their calendar year, listed officially as Winter, Spring, Summer (called "Shorts Season" under mayor Serbousek's disastrous 1992-'95 mayoral reign), Autumn (also Brown Leaves Days) and lastly The Scent of Iowans Own Smug Self-Righteousness

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