WWECW Workrate Report 5/22/07

1. Snitsky vs. Tommy Dreamer

The dream match everybody was waiting for! Snitsky posts Dreamer and works over his shoulder to start, until Snitsky misses a big boot and crotches himself over the top rope. He did the exact same missed spot last week against RVD, so it appears this is going to be his "Andre stuck in the ropes" spot. He doesn't make it look very good, though. Dreamer's comeback was really cool but then he went up top for no reason other than getting caught by Snitsky. Man that's dumb. Tazz also overdoes the "Snitsky had BAD intentions behind that shot!" as he also drove it into the ground last week. I fucking hate that phrase when MMA announcers use it, and it's no less stupid here. What other intentions would ANYbody have when he is fighting someone? You have two guys trying to win a fight. OF COURSE a punch will have bad intentions. I guess that are rare instances like "Man, I had to hit you with that chair to save you from yourself! I was trying to help you! My intentions were good."

Elsewhere in 2007, Timbaland did a music video with the Hives, and it featured Layla and Torrie Wilson. That's weird.

2. Kevin Thorn vs. Wyatt Laro?

90 second squash, but a good one. Wyatt...something (Styles and Tazz kept pronouncing his last name slightly different. Laird, Lara, Lahro, Layro. I have no idea what it was supposed to be as he didn't get an onscreen graphic) bumped nicely for Thorn and Thorn didn't dawdle and busted out a nice clothesline and a fine yakuza kick. Fans actually get amped for Wyatt's comeback but it's shortlived and Thorn hits his finisher, which Styles now calls Original Sin. Also, no Ariel with him this week, so I assume she got canned out of nowhere and never mentioned again (because they sure weren't talking about why she wasn't there this week).

3. Matt Striker vs. Brett Major

So, this wasn't very good at all. Ryder is so-so now, so imagine how polished he was 6 years ago. He had some big bumps, and then some of the worst punches you've ever seen which I suppose means he's   supposed to be the new ECW Chris Chetti. It was weird seeing him break out offense that I don't associate with him, like a rolling senton (once he started getting somewhat over his offense became more locked in). I still like Striker and he looked good here. They spent so much time putting over how he's the weak link of the New Breed that I was positive he'd lose here, which really made me buy into Major reversing a vertical suplex into a small package. So that was a good pinfall fakeout, but Major just wasn't that good overall.

4. RVD & CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke & Marcus Cor Von

Wow, what a dud. This was one of the more boring matches I've seen in some time. They get plenty of time to do something, and this couldn't even hold my attention for 14 minutes. I had to break it up into two parts. A couple minutes in we get Burke and Marcus isolating RVD and working over his legs for what seems like an eternity. The leg work looks good (especially liked Burke knee dropping RVD's legs and slamming his knees into the canvas over and over) but my god they work his legs over for 8 minutes. There are never any teases to tag in Punk during this whole time, just the two guys working over RVD. No missed hot tags, not even any attempts. Just RVD having to sell leg work for a long time. RVD as a salesman always brings plenty of unintentionally funny facials. Eventually after the longest 8 minutes of my month, Punk tags in and the crowd is going crazy. And then Cor Von hits another awesome Pounce (I don't think I'll ever tire of this move) and Punk goes flying into the ropes and...the ref calls for the bell. You see, Cor Von was not the legal man. Oh, my god. Was this during that period when the refs were supposed to call things "as if they were a shoot"? Because a couple weeks back when Vince pinned RVD Scott Armstrong waited way long to count because one of RVD's shoulders were up, and now this match ends out of nowhere in the flattest way possible, over something that rarely ends a match in WWE. This was a horrible waste of 15 minutes right here.


WWECW MASTER LIST

Read more!

WWECW Workrate Report 5/15/07

Vince starts us with a sit down interview wearing a white doo rag (to match his suit) and doing a kinda bonkers promo about how much he likes his "skull caps", and thinks they look cool, but what he likes more is not wearing anything on his head at all and how Bobby Lashley took that privilege away from him. For anybody that was sick of MacMahons on TV, I think Vince is so incredibly awesome once you're removed from the situation.

1. RVD vs. Snitsky

On paper this does not look great, but RVD's best opponents are usually immobile roid guys. He bumps around big for their moves and makes them look better than they really are (and bumping has always been his strongest suit). When he's against another "athletic" guy they just become mindless jerkoff sessions. RVD still has plenty of problem spots in this match (his forearms have always been a train wreck) but this match is definitely greater than the sum of its parts. They've both been in with "better" workers, but this is a good match up. It's not a good match, mind you, but a good match up. All of RVD's spin kicks land nice and snug and he peppers them in at the right times. Snitsky doesn't blow anything and controls with acceptable power offense. Match ends when Snitsky hits RVD with a chair, so apparently that is not a thing you can do in the new ECW.

2. CM Punk vs. Steven Richards

They do a Punk video before the match highlighting all of Punk's martial arts expertise, and it shows footage of him just hitting his awkward spinning mule kick and slapping somebody. He also calls jiu jitsu "jits" which is just about the most annoying 'breve you can use. I did not realize Richards was still a WWE employee at this point but I'm stoked as I always liked his WWE work. The Bob Holly matches from Heat were two of my favorites from that time period. This match was really great and about as awesome a match as you could do in 4 1/2 minutes. Punk has his ribs taped up from getting hit with the Pounce last week, and Richards immediately eye rakes Punk and starts ripping at the tape. He starts working the body with punches and stomps, snapmaring Punk and just booting the shit out of his back. Nice, satisfying THUD there. Richards works him over with a cool bow and arrow and keeps to those ribs. Richards always had really great body part specific match layouts, depending on what the match called for. Punk's comeback was nice and quick, with Richards getting into place for everything really well and flying face first into the GTS. God I wanted like 2 more minutes at least, but they filled the time they had really well.

3. Kevin Thorn vs. Nunzio

Thorn seems pretty boring, just making a bunch of scowly faces and plodding around. Nunzio looks GREAT here. His bumping was always pretty spectacular, but his evasive offense here was really satisfying and his stick and move style worked nicely. He had a really great dropkick to Thorn's ankle and then hit a sweet dropkick off the top. Then Thorn just kinda brushed it off and hit his admittedly cool finisher (like a Stunner but with the guy draped over the top rope, called the Dark Kiss). I imagine most guys don't take it as well as Nunzio, though.

Extreme Expose is up now, and okay Kelly does legitimately seem out of place during a bunch of this, and even takes a kick to the head from Layla at one point (Layla does a lot of high kicks and was lying on the apron doing them, when Kelly tried to walk through the ropes mid-Layla kick. Whoops.) which they admirably move on from somewhat smoothly. Layla looked so damn tiny and skinny during this, much less curvy than present.

4. The New Breed (Matt Striker, Marcus Cor Von, Elijah Burke) vs. Bobby Lashley

Boy, sure are a lot of 3 on 1 handicap matches on the new ECW. They're even building one up throughout the show for the upcoming Judgment Day PPV. This match is pretty much nothing until Cor Von hits the Pounce a few minutes in and Lashley spills spectacularly over the top rope to the floor. For a move that seems really hard to make look good, a lot of guys seem to make the Pounce look really good. Burke looks really good working over Lashley. He had a bunch of nice body blows, a cool Kabuki right uppercut, and a great fistdrop off the top to Lashley's ribs (was Burke a guy getting pimped in 2007? He looks really good here). Lashley's come back kind of comes out of nowhere, like they just got the call to go home. They go from Lashley selling a beating to just immediately going back on offense, dispatching Burke and Cor Von, and then hitting his finisher on Striker. Striker gets more height on a chokeslam/power bomb type move than anybody I've ever seen. Holy lord. This match could have been really good if Lashley's transition to comeback was worked in sensibly. Instead they just flipped a switch and it was "Okay, my turn to do stuff" and the whole thing ended up rushed.


WWECW MASTER LIST

Read more!

WWECW Workrate Report 5/8/07

So I did not have SyFy when ECW originally started. I didn't get it until a like mid 2009 so really didn't start watching it until it was towards the end. So realistically I've probably only seen 20% of the actual WWECW run, all of it from the end when guys like Christian and Finlay were working it. I'm not familiar with any of the stuff from the first year (or second or third year), don't know if there are any hidden gems or recommended matches, don't know any story lines, nothing. All this stuff is new to me so I'm hoping something fun jumps out. And again, all this stuff is new to me so if I say anything that sounds like I don't know what I'm talking about, it's because I don't know what I'm talking about.

1. CM Punk vs. Marcus Cor Von

This is all so bizarro universe to me, as I was obviously watching WWE during this same time period, but here's Monty Brown coming out to theme music I've never heard while Joey Styles talks about him.   Cor Von seemed massive in TNA and here seems about 15 pounds larger than Punk, maybe. Still Cor Von (gosh this is a stupid name) works over Punk's back nicely by posting him  and tossing him with a sweet overhead belly-to-belly. Punk transitions to control by dodging a Cor Von charge, and instantly Cor Von is selling as much damage as Punk so that's odd. Punk is still selling his ribs in between doing offense, which includes an awful springboard clothesline. I don't remember digging early WWE babyface punk at all, and this is reminding me why. Styles is selling Punk's "broken" ribs in that really fucking obnoxious way that Styles sells things. But holy shit Cor Von hits the Pounce and THAT move still looks great as Punk flings himself into the ropes neck first (with his neck hitting the bottom rope in a nasty way). For a 10 minute match this wasn't very good.

We get Raw highlights all dealing with the Edge/Mr. Kennedy feud which is about as much eyeball poison as a person should be able to handle. If I asked you to name a shittier sounding match off the top of your head, I don't know if you'd be able to.

2. The Sandman vs. Snitsky

Gene Snitsky was a guy who was bad at pro wrestling, but some people enjoyed him because he was "so bad he was good", even though "so bad it's good" isn't actually a thing. What was really annoying about all that, is a few of us who enjoyed Mark Henry around this time got lumped into the same crowd of people ironically liking Snitsky, as if we were only liking him to be kewl or something. At least 95% of those assholes know how awesome Mark Henry is now. For all I know Snitsky may have died a couple years ago. I do remember that when he moved to ECW he changed his look, which meant shaving his thinning/receding roidz 'do (and his eyebrows) and purposely making his teeth yellow and jagged. I may only remember one Snitsky match I thought was good (I think I liked a TV match against Matt Hardy) but I gotta give him credit for fully committing to a look. The dude looks gross. Oh, and this match goes 1 minute as Snitsky hits a couple clubbing blows and then whiffs on a big boot and Sandman gets zero offense. So I assume a few original ECW guys were signed to 1 year deals and this was like the end of that 1 year and they just gave not one shit about them anymore?

Extreme Expose are dancing in the ring. I have never witnessed EE but it seems to be perfectly fine in a Nitro Girls type of way. The only thing I remember about them was Meltzer always harping on how bad Kelly Kelly looked compared to the other two (I assume Layla and the other one have more dance training). The crowd - to my surprise - doesn't completely shit on this, which is probably due more to them not overstaying their welcome. I'll take 2 minutes of foxy ladies dancing to "Toxic" over 15 minutes of Abraham Washington.

3. Brian Major vs. Elijah Burke

Well, I have zero memory of Zach Ryder and Curt Hawkins wrestling as "Brett and Brian Major", even though they apparently had a bunch of matches on Smackdown. How is it that I can remember all the Manu matches but not these guys? The first time I remember seeing them was when they were Edge lackeys. I assumed they had never appeared on TV before that. Huh. This was a good short match as Burke stiffed Major up and Major flopped well and leaned into things. I really liked Burke's knees and he had some great kicks to the stomach. Major misses big on a crossbody and then the match ends on a weak note because instead of using his awesome Elijah Express running double knees, he ends it with what is apparently called the Elijah Experience, which is basically The Stroke. So he just grabs the back of Major's head, and throws him to the mat, but it really looks like Major flinging himself face first into the mat. Wah wah.

4. Vince MacMahon, Shane MacMahon and Umaga vs. Rob Van Dam

That is great. So apparently Vince put the title on himself and proclaims himself Mr. Extreme. His strut coming out for this match is epic as he has full on Vince legs, and big swinging arms, occasionally throwing in a pimp limp. He's also wearing his all black gear and doo rag. Shane really is just the best pudgy backyarder. It seems like a miracle he doesn't blow any sequences. When you think back to how horrific David Flair was then Shane practically comes off like prime Misawa. He and RVD actually work really well together and it's satisfying seeing reckless RVD kicks catch Shane in the chin and forehead. Shane throws a couple nice elbow drops, RVD takes a big bump to the floor when Umaga pulls the rope down, and I'm digging this way more than I should be. Vince is great as a Jimmy Hart/Bobby Heenan "forced to compete" guy, except he chose to compete so has an extra layer of hubris running parallel to his chickenshit routine. He's fun running in and trying to pin RVD after Umaga beats him up, scrambling back to the apron while making Vince faces and Don Knotts mannerisms. We get a hot fake finishing sequence with Shane doing a big bump over the top to the floor, and RVD countering Umaga offense in cool ways. The MacMahons cheat to transition back to offense, and Shane actually hits a superplex! Once Umaga hits the big splash off the top and Samoan Spike, Vince freaks out wanting the "hot" tag and then struts around with the belt after the match. I couldn't really say it was a good match, but it was plenty fun for 10 minutes and peaked nicely.


WWECW MASTER LIST

Read more!