Found Footage Friday: KONG~! KANSAI~! HAMADA~! SATOMURA~! STOMPER~! HEENAN HANDCUFFED TO T~!

Frank Hickey vs. Mongolian Stomper Kansas City 1960s

MD: This was another old match that Charles from Wrestling Playlists posted last year in one of his huge tape buying sprees. As best as I can tell, the Geigel match from earlier in this show was online but this wasn't. It's certainly a moment in time and a moment in pro wrestling canon in its own way. More on that in a minute. Stomper, at this point, had the look (mostly shaved head, fu manchu style goatee) but he talked just like a normal guy and wasn't affected (in his inner ear) by the crowd's boos. Hickey had an elaborate costume with a cape and a headguard. They don't call him the Spaceman here, but he was. I don't know if this was heel vs heel or what but these were just two big guys throwing big shots for the most part. Hickey controlled this more than I'd expect, honestly, as Stomper was pushed harder and talked about going after Thesz post match. Midway through the match, a hulking figure with glasses from the crowd walked up to ringside and had to be shuffled away. That was a debuting Ox Baker (no facial hair) and one subplot through the match was the commentary talking about how they had to turn him down when he wanted to wrestle before because despite being 300 pounds he wasn't trained. At the end of the clip,  after Stomper had won somewhat anticlimactically, they said that the promoters were going to allow Ox to wrestle that coming Thursday and he got to introduce himself. Interesting little angle/gimmick for the 60s. To me, it was just strange to see the Stomper not even trying to put on foreign airs.

Superstar Billy Graham vs. Hercules WWF 8/15/87

MD: This was another recent Richard Land find so you'll have to go find his patreon. While there was absolutely no way it could live up to its promise on paper, it was still pretty great, all the more so because I didn't realize what the post-match was going to be. This was when Graham was stepping in for Patera. The match itself was ok. Hercules created the motion with a few big bumps. He had some nice cutoffs. Graham controlled the middle and was able to stand tall with his strength. They had a nice finish where Hercules tried to slam Graham from the outside in and got rolled through on it. 

The real appeal here, however, was Heenan. This had the one-two punch of Heenan handcuffed to Mr. T and the losing manager having to get whipped, so you can only imagine all of Heenan's mannerisms as he got yanked around by T and then the whole hoopla of the post-match with Hercules trying desperately to protect his manager and then Graham and finally Patera getting their shots in on a writhing, squirming Heenan as the crowd went wild. I wish there was more of it. A lot of the time we just got glimpses in the corner of the screen of Heenan's reactions. This was definitely more for the live crowd, but I'm glad we got to see it at all.

ER: I thought Heenan's promo to start this whole segment was far and away the most cutting thing. Heenan wasn't funny at all, he was ruthless. I mean, he was funny, but he came off tough, like a guy who ran a hard card game. When he was talking about being cuffed to Mr. T he straight up told Ken Patera to put the cuffs on himself, as a little stroll down memory lane. He talked about how everyone you see with big arms and a big body is unemployed, because working men can't spend 8 hours lifting and 8 hours working. He makes fun of Graham for eating 19 cans of tuna and 65 raw eggs all day. It's a promo that felt like real hate, and it made the match more disappointing for having hardly any hate at all. I don't think any of the Heenan/Mr. T payoffs were there and it was one of those reminders of how big wrestlers were and how small actors are. When Bobby Heenan is larger than Mr. T and he just cut a promo about real tough men from the midwest, I want more than just 10 minutes of Heenan cowering from T on the floor. 

It's insane how Billy Graham aged 30 years in 10. 1987 Billy Graham works like 75 year old Jimmy Valiant. 10 years earlier he was the most charismatic man in the building and here he's like 1999 Terry Gordy. Hercules I thought looked great. His kneedrops and elbowdrop and knuckle locks and big bump to the floor selling for Graham all looked strong. He had a pretty steep hill to climb and the stipulation would have been more fun if it had ended with Heenan bumping for Mr. T and Patera instead of absorbing pulled belt shots thrown by a one armed man and a suddenly elderly man. 

Aja Kong/Dynamite Kansai vs. Ayako Hamada/Meiko Satomura GAEA 6/22/03

MD: It's hard for me to write this one up. So much happens. It's one imaginative, iconic spot after the next. You watch it and by the end you forgot that Aja branded the guardrail at one point even though it was awesome in the moment. They just pack in so much in twenty minutes and while there are themes (Kansai going for the Splash Mountain until she gets it, it gets broken up, and then she gets it again for the win, for instance), and while I'd even say it comes together and never entirely falls apart, it's just a lot to keep track of. Here, of course, you have not just the problem of Aja early on but also the problem of Kansai where she can just catch you in a claw and slam you to the ground. Even worse for Hamada and Satomura is when you get the problem of both, where you can put one down but the other is creeping over to hit you with a lariat. There was one point where Hamada was pinballing back and forth to kick Kansai to try to break an ankle lock on Satomura and then nail Aja so Aja wouldn't flatten her and she had two or three tries to do that before she just got crushed by Aja.

In some ways, despite all the spots and bombs and bumps (and occasionally weapons) this did have a bit of a sports feel where Hamada and Satomura would get lots of little shots on goal, but all it would take would be one breakaway from Kong/Kansai to end it and everyone knew it. Some of that was from the two teams just constantly pressing forward and never letting up, even though things still had weight (of course they did) and impact. It felt like a big deal when Hamada and Satomura got their opponents down and on the ropes, and they had some very big bombs of their own (literally as they power bombed Kansai onto Aja for instance). That said, it was all just a matter of time, of course, but it was a spirited time while it lasted.

ER: I thought this was good but never came close to approaching the greatness of the Kong/Meiko match from the week before (which Matt and I wrote about earlier this month). Meiko is one of our great punishment takers, an out-laster on the same level of Yuki Ishikawa. I buy it from Meiko, it's Ayako I don't buy it from here. The excitement of the Aja/Meiko matches is how Aja is going to walk through most of Meiko's offense, and be honest about the things that slow her down. You don't just get leniency from Stan Hansen, you have to move him before he sells for you. Aja is the same, you actually need to move her or bounce her on her head, and Dynamite Kansai can do the same thing. Aja and Dynamite as a team are similar to the problem created when Vader and Hansen teamed in All Japan. They are going to walk through almost anyone and Ayako's well thrown but worked elbow smashes are not going to be taken seriously by either. I need some real fire from an underdog outsized babyface and if you're still holding back a little on arm strikes after Kansai stomps on your fucking face from the top, then I stop buying it. 

But I did like this. I made a prolonged noise I've never made before in reaction to that double stomp to the face. I let out of deep guttural oof at the finish when Aja presumably broke one of Meiko's ribs with a kick to the stomach harder than any Kawada ever threw. I liked the way Aja treated Hamada like a little pest, finally hitting her with a backfist without much effort and then sitting on her while Dynamite disposes of Meiko. There were stretches where kicks were missing and timing was behind, and that's just not going to be enough to stop two monsters. Also, it's crazy how much faster Kong's kicks look than Hamada's or Meiko's. She's like Scott Norton with speed, it's unreal. 

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New Footage Friday: Brazilian Riots, Leon Spinks, Shinobu Kandori

Michel Serdan/Moreto vs. Belo/Mumia Negra Luta Livre (Late 80s?)

MD: Sometimes I'll troll around youtube looking for anything under our community's collecitve radar. There are a lot of countries out there and most of them had some tradition or another of wrestling. I don't know about you but I sure haven't seen a lot of matches from Brazil. This felt like an odd mishmash of Puerto Rico chains, celebratory babyfaces, and groin shots and cartoonish Argentinian Titanes with big, over the top symbolic offense, elaborate entrances and, you know, a wrestling mummy. The cappers on this are worth the price of admission alone, as the crowd is massive, Belo and Mumia Negra's entrance is amazing, with a marching brass band, a giant banner, and the mummy dancing. It's obvious that Serdan and to a lesser extent maybe Moreto are absolutely beloved. The ref is some guy in a hat with a cane. The crowd goes nuts for everything. The entirety of the babyfaces offense are these leaping, driving headbutts. Belo has these amazing chain gloves. The babyfaces control for most of this. Moreto eats a huge bump (with in-the-moment slow motion effects) over the top and gets carried out like a fallen hero. The bad guys take over using the chain and the numbers advantage. Serdan finally comes back with low blows. The ref throws out the match. The crowd riots. Chairs come flying in. Everyone carries Serdan out. It is absolutely nuts, yet at the same time, is the same sort of straightforward injury-heel-advantage match we've seen a hundred of times. The french match from a few weeks ago with a lot of these same elements actually. Old belief-based wrestling is universal and it's a universe I wish we were still living in.

PAS: This was pretty tremendous, even with not a ton of in ring skill. This reminded me of a huge Puerto Rico main event, Sedan isn't as good as Carlos Colon, but he appeared to be just as beloved, and the crowd was enormous and rabid. I really liked the babyfaces diving in ring tope's, Moreto's was especially cool looking. Sedan had a great looking headlock punch too, which got the slow motion camera work. Both rudos were pretty solid bumpers and stoogers, I dug the rudo comeback with some meaty chain shots. Mumia lauched Moreto clean over the top rope buckling his knee and both rudos beat on Serdan until a fan runs in and starts winging punches, leading to an absolutely chaotic fan riot. There are multiple out of control fan fights, dozens of chairs come winging into the ring and a bunch of fans rush the ring. Eventually they carry Serdan out on their shoulders. I don't think wrestling can be this anymore, and it is too bad, perfectly synched up clever chants will never be as fun as dozens of maniacal Brazilians hurling chairs.

Shinobu Kandori/Harley Saito vs. Dynamite Kansai/The Scorpion JWP 8/4/91

MD: Jetlag pushed this our way and I'm glad he did. I'm sure some of you, just for the sake of being completionists or rationalizing your Network subscription, watched the hidden gems FCW Kaitlyn vs Rosa Mendes match this week. Masochists. We watched this. This was action-packed with a burst of violence to begin, an opening third or so which was just full of hard, hard shots, outright struggle on every move/hold attempt, no fat, and still a sense of smoothness and forward motion. I really liked the transition to backwork, with Scorpion locking in a tricked out deathlock and finishing with three super precise and laser-focused shots. They meander off of that eventually allowing for a little comeback, more heat (including a great gear-change assisted dive), and ultimately a fairly satisfying finishing stretch with enough break-ups as opposed to kick-outs to make things cumulatively have some weight to them. Scorpion was a bit of a duel-edged sword, doing lots of cool things but placing some of them poorly within the match and having some trouble with others (like a half-flubbed run up the ropes arm-drag which was out of place in the midst of the backwork). The other three were spot on throughout though.

PAS: Tremendous match. The opening sections were right in my wrestling happy place, lots of brutal shots and exchanges with no one standing down even a little bit. Kansai was a bulldozer here, she would throw these forearms where she seemed to be aiming six inches past the skull of whoever she was throwing them at. She was just displacing people. Kandori vs. Kansai felt like it could have been as amazing as Hotta vs. Kandori or Kansai vs. Aja, hopefully their are some singles matches against each other. Really liked Harley as the smaller bulldog desperate to prove she is as tough as the bigger hounds in the yard. Scorpion was fun as the change of pace, everyone would be throwing big KO shots and she would come in with a springboard dive off of Kansai's back or a moonsault. She was particularly smooth, but I liked her role in the match. Kandori just ending the match by yoking her in a jujigatame was a pretty perfect finish. This really delivered on what I hoped it would be.

Mr. Gannosuke vs. Leon Spinks FMW 8/31/93

PAS: This was pre dye job Gannoseke and that dye job did a lot for his aura, he looked like a total shlub here. Spinks was working this like a 3/4 speed sparring session. He had a great looking technical combos, but wasn't throwing them with a ton of force or speed. Gannoseke sold them appropriately, Spinks did beat Muhammed Ali after all, and much of the match was Gannoseke barely getting up at 9. My favorite parts of the match were when Gannoseke would go for a take down and get waylaid by a hammer fist or hook. Post match, Spinks goes to shake Gannoseke's hand and instead clips him with a sucker punch short uppercut. Total dick move by Leon and a nice way to set up Onita coming to kick his ass.

MD: This is slight but sort of fun as a boxer vs wrestler thought experiment. I just love the nuts and bolts of how this sort of thing is put together, because obviously it's not with the sort of care that something like Spinks vs Onita would be. There are openings and there's just how much Spinks is willing to give (and how many times Gannosuke gets up); in that regard it's a bit like poor man's shootstyle, being all about openings and possibilities and what's given. Most of this is Gannosuke getting beaten around the ring, dropping for a while, and making it back up only to get mauled again. He has a couple of missed kicks. He has a couple of absolutely futile drop toe hold attempts. There's a great little rush across the ring dropkick. Once he even gets a hold on but Spinks just strikes his way out. Past the dropkick the most interesting thing here is probably Spinks getting in a jerk post-match shot. This wasn't much but it's odd enough on paper that we were almost obliged to at least check it out

ER: Phil told me to not bother watching this one because it wasn't very good, but that's crazy. Do you know how many Kandori matches are available for me to see? Only hundreds. Now how many Leon Spinks matches are available for me to see? How many times did Shinobu Kandori beat Muhammad Ali? Probably not as many times as Leon Spinks did. Leon Spinks has probably beaten Muhammad Ali in a fist fight INFINITELY more times than Kandori has. And I'm supposed to not watch Leon Spinks fighting in a tiny gym that's about as far as you can get away from Tokyo and still be in Japan?

Phil is not wrong that Gannosuke's bleached blowback really added to his aura, an aura seemingly only attained by stocky Japanese pro wrestlers (see Ueda, Umanosuke or Saito, Hiro). It makes the Mr. Gannosuke name evoke a narrow eyed yakuza sitting in a dark corner of a bar. You don't want to be summoned by Mr. Gannosuke. If you are ever summoned by Mr. Gannosuke, you know there is a 10% chance you won't be leaving that meeting alive. Here, with Spanx shaping trunks, a clean mustache and dark mullet, the name Mr. Gannosuke evokes something entirely different. Here he is Mr. Gannosuke, substitute English teacher who tries to get the kids to call him "Mr. G". He won't be gauche enough to outright tell a student in a one on one situation, "Hey, call me Mr. G." BUT, if it's the end of the school year, and a student asks Mr. Gannosuke to sign his yearbook, he would definitely write "Never Stop Learning - Mr. G".

There are three great moments in this match. The first is the opening flurry by Spinks, with the penultimate punch convincingly sending Gannosuke down to the mat, and we get a fun bit of drama as the crowd starts buzzing when it looks like Gannosuke won't beat the count. The second great moment is when Gannosuke grabs and ankle pick and Spinks timberrrrs over the way a boxer who doesn't understand takedown defense would. Gannosuke grabs a leglock and wrenches is a bit, and Spinks gets out of it by punching at Gannosuke. Then, while Spinks is getting to his feet, he starts shaking his leg out (the leg that had been worked on), looks like Rick Steiner doing his peeing dog taunt. The third great moment is after the match, when Spinks hates going for a handshake and instead smacks Mr. G. What the fuck. What an asshole jock bully. What a fully borne out heel. If I were there that day, I would be wanting to pay money to see Onita wreck Leon Spinks. This match had three great moments. How many matches have you watched in your life that didn't have three great moments?

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