WWF In Your House: Final Four 2/16/97

Shamefully, I've never seen the Final Four main event. It's a big 90s WWF blindspot for me and there's no reason for it, other than I don't love 1997 WWF. The highs are high, but the arenas are cold, the undercards are stale, the house style leaned towards dull, and I don't think the shows are filmed well. But other than that, I can't complain. A fact that can double as a reason, is that I've been watching - daily - a lot of 1997 WCW lately for my wildly entertaining and cumbersome book, and watching something like this does make for a nice comparison point. Plus, In Your House events were still under 2 hours at this point. They're basically a Coliseum Video with worse editing.  

Anyway let's correct the mistake of me never seeing a universally praised match with 3 of my favorites, and also double down and replace that corrected mistake with a bigger mistake: reviewing the entire show. 

1. Marc Mero vs. Leif Cassidy

ER: Marc Mero gets a ring full of sparklers, and Cassidy is already waiting inside that ring of sparklers. How often did they already have somebody waiting in the ring to start a PPV? I really like how the French announce team talks about Chattanooga, but the crowd is cold for this one. A Wildman shouldn't start off a match working a kneeling wristlock, so the cold is earned. Cassidy at least throws in bumps and acts like a dickhead. When Cassidy is kicking at Mero's leg, I buy his look of disgust. Cassidy throwing legsweeps and heel hooks is more interesting than what Mero was doing with the match. Okay we are going into the heel hooks and the elbowdrops to the inner knee a lot more than I was expecting. Interesting to me doesn't mean "interesting to the live crowd", but to the crowd and wrestler's credit they did all come together to root Mero through the legwork. 

It just hit me that the whole thing is laid out like a Tony Garea/Johnny Rodz match, and how a lot of 1997 WWF undercard matches felt like they were doing tributes to bad 1982 WWF undercard style. Not only is that a terrible style to be doing in 1997 - especially compared to what WCW was doing - but this was in Chattanooga and people in Tennessee were getting Lawler/Dundee in 1982, so Salvatore Bellomo vs. Baron Mikel Scicluna wasn't going to cut it. Mero has a cool short runway tope to break up Cassidy threatening Sable, and the shooting star press looks like even more of a crazy 1997 finisher today, but WCW opened their February PPV with Syxx/Dean Malenko like one week after this. People saw the difference. 

2. The Nation of Domination (Crush/Savio Vega/Faarooq) vs. Goldust/Flash Funk/Bart Gunn

ER: What even is this babyface (?) team? What do those three men have in common? Are they all recent TV victims of the Nation? I didn't watch any of the TV surrounding this match, but that's a tenuous reason to have three men teaming up on PPV. One of the clips they showed was Goldust getting jumped on a house show. Was WWF setting up PPV six mans on house shows in 1997?! Also I know I'm a big hypocrite because if I saw this match was on a WAR card I would lose my shit, and I would be right to do so. And this match - what we get of it - might be worth losing your shit over? It's filled with Flash Funk in his Labelle boots, hitting huge planchas (including one he gets Irish whipped into), and a nice run of the Nation cutting the ring off on Funk. Flash has a great sequence to build to his hot tag, back flipping over a Vega/Crush double clothesline and leaping through them with one of his own. 

The hot tag goes to Bart Gunn and it's kind of incredible to have one of wrestling's best babyface hot tag guys on the apron but choose not use Goldust as the babyface hot tag in a match where Goldust was the one shown getting attacked at a house show and makes the most sense as the babyface hot tag. But hey I guess liked the simple usage of Gunn. He comes in, throws left hands, hits a couple clotheslines, and gets a nice visual pin on Faarooq with the bulldog. This is a very fun six minutes, but ends way too early and feels way too incomplete to fully recommend. There was hardly any Goldust, Crush, or Vega. I don't know if you can have a good a trios match while barely utilizing half of the participants. It's useful as a match you can point to when talking about strong Flash Funk performances - maybe the least recommendable era of Scorpio's career - as it has some of his best flying and great selling. That means something. 

3. Rocky Maivia vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

ER: I didn't actually check the full card for Final Four before I fired up this review, and I gotta say I'm not jazzed about watching a HHH/Rock title match. That said, this was really good. It has a great opening. They do a really cool section around dueling drop toe holds, a bit of a scramble, a loud slap delivered by HHH and returned by Rocky and it snaps the crowd awake. Helmsley hits kind of hard and Rocky bumps bigger and a bit more recklessly than he would a year later. I wish we got a bit more Rocky bumping, as the HHH control after the hot opening was solid, workmanlike, but doesn't give Maivia a ton to play against. Rocky isn't great at emotive selling in 1997. He only knows one move and it's "heave on the mat". He just lies there and heaves, which is the worst way to make a grounded side headlock interesting. But the more he moves, the more the crowd swells, and he's very good at taking offense. He is much more watchable when he runs into Hunter's running knee (which Hunter brings up to face level) and misses a high dropkick than he is is hitting a running crossbody. 

Rocky's big punch comeback has some fire but was missing something, much better taking at a hot shot off the top turnbuckle. Yep, Rock's offense sucked in 1997, but HHH tucked his head painfully on that stupid "hop around you" DDT. This had a really good opening and a second act that felt like it was building to a hot third, and I don't think we got there. Of the Islanders given a surprise title win in 1997, it's clear that Prince Iaukea was so much further along than The Rock. We'll see how this continues to develop, but as of February 1997 it's clear that Iaukea is more advanced as a wrestler and in line for a more successful career. Not one single person could have predicted what Rock would become by June 1998 if they had only seen him in February 1997. Impossible leap. If Byron Saxton had become an all time short term draw a within a year. 

4. Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFon

ER: This is one of those on paper matches that feels like it should be great, but this was not great. That's partly due to a lot of this being angle instead of match, but also due to the angle itself not being any good. I don't think the Owen/Bulldog team was ever as good as it should have been, and even working normally I don't think they were ever as complementary as they should have been. That means in this match they are a team of non-complementary guys who are now intentionally not communicating as part of an angle. It's awful. And let's just get it out of the way now: British Bulldog looked like shit. He didn't look like shit physically; he actually looked healthy. "Healthy" isn't a word typically used to describe The British Bulldog, but this era is the healthiest he looked. He's noticeably smaller and has none of the inflated muscle he had through most of his career. Every person in this match is basically the same size, even though I don't think of any person in this match being the same size as any other person in this match. Bulldog and Owen are essentially the same exact guy here. So physically, he looks great. 

He just wrestles like shit. His strikes are shockingly bad, just putrid strikes with no kind of weight behind them. His clotheslines look so pulled that you'd think his body was incapable of taking any kind of resistance. Bulldog was much smaller and not wrestling like a heavyweight...sorta. Other than holding LaFon up in a vertical suplex, he does no power spots, instead doing sliding dropdowns and sunset flips. The powerslam is still his finisher, but it's more like Charlie Haas doing a powerslam. British Bulldog is like if Doc Dean had worse stomps. 

 

Owen and LaFon feel like they would be a much better team with better chemistry. I liked the twists they did on their own Malenko/Guerrero roll-ups. I'm pretty burnt out on 2 count kickout reversals but theirs looked fresh, and it helped that they weren't doing these reversals in a bunch of their matches. Owen and LaFon feel like two sides of the same coin and even their movement is similar. None of the Owen/Bulldog offense looked good and they really did feel like a time who never teamed before, more than a team having disagreements. When Bulldog holds up LaFon in a vertical suplex, Owen goes to crossbody LaFon to the mat and instead mostly lands on Bulldog's face. But I did like Owen's spinning heel kick into him when LaFon ducked out of the way. Their best interaction against each other was strong, when Owen actually slapped him and Bulldog responded with his best clothesline of the match.

Furnas and LaFon wrestled like a fucking team. These dudes wrestled like every single tag team on TV today wished they wrestled like. It's crazy you don't hear Furnas/Kroffat every mentioned by modern wrestlers as influences, because there are dozens of guys on current wrestling TV who seem to be wrestling like worse versions of Furnas/Kroffat. They were doing this high speed move chaining so much better than all of the teams who have turned that into the prevailing Big Match tag team style. When Furnas made his hot tag it made the match actually hum for the first time, with nothing but cool shit getting chained. But then it ends with Owen barely hitting LaFon with his Slammy award. Major boner not just giving Furnas/LaFon the titles here. 

5. Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin vs. Vader vs. Undertaker

ER: I'm not sure why I haven't watched this before now. I really didn't know anything about the match other than it still gets consistently praised and that Vader got busted open. I remember seeing the Raw Magazine with Vader's bloody masked face on it in the supermarket, at a time where I hadn't been exposed to that much bloody wrestling. I had bought an old copy of the War Games Bash '87 clamshell VHS at a Healdsburg video store and that had really opened up my wrestling world. That who tape was bloody and had at least two dozen instances of somebody getting their face painfully raked across chain link. I don't think I had seen bloody wrestling before that tape, and I don't think I had seen blood in a WWF match before seeing Vader bloodied up on that magazine. 

And Vader bleeding is really the thing that makes this match great. It's really chaotic, more chaotic than any main event WWF had done, because most of the match is two separate singles matches happening in the direct way of each other, without ever really getting in the way of each other. Impressive feat. It rules that Vader gets busted open like 2 minutes in, running full face into a chair and then taking a big bump into the ring steps, quickly apparent that the cut over his eye is disgusting. It's great that the match became all about Vader's disgusting eye and didn't focus on a goof like Undertaker, a man who is doing his silly rope walk in a match where you can lose by being thrown over the top. Just out here making everyone look like fools. It's only when Vader is swinging wildly at him with a chair - and then getting that chair mashed into his face by Taker's boot - that the match really starts to feel like a match. Well, I guess it felt like something great was going to happen before the match when Vader and Austin were flipping each other off. But Vader is a force and the crowd is hyped and loud. People love seeing Vader get chokeslammed, people love Vader kicking Bret in the balls and beating him with a chair, the people loved Vader and Austin hitting each other with the ring bell and fighting on top of some balding guy who Vader fell on top of. 

Vader gets kicked in the balls by Bret Hart in one of the most teed up kicks to the balls to ever appear in a main event. When Vader is eliminated, he is uppercut in the balls by Undertaker. People get choked with production cables and kicked in the balls in this match, and every time they show Vader's cut it looks worse. His missed moonsault is incredible. It defies physics. That moment where his hand is no longer in contact with the top rope and his body is leaning back before starting his rotation, it looks like you're about to witness the most dangerous accident. But then he gets superplexed by Bret and you begin to wonder which bump is worse for a man the size of Vader to be taking, and how fucking stupid it was that WWF had a 400 pound mastodon who could bleed out of his eye for 20 minutes and still go up for a moonsault and a superplex and then take a bump over the top to the floor, but still not see a role for him as a star.

I liked everybody in this match. Bret was as great as Bret always is in main events, Austin was lean and incredibly fast, Undertaker somehow fit excellently into the chaos, and I guess that's the key to why this worked so well: it was constantly chaotic with very little downtime, without any pairing ever overshadowing the other pairing, no matter who was fighting or where they were fighting. But this was Vader's show, a legendary big man performance that probably would have come off great even without one of the more grisly cuts in modern WWF history.  

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WWF Raw 4/20/98: A Good On Paper Episode of Wrestling TV

Long Island Street Fight: Faarooq vs. Kama Mustafa

ER: This would have played better as a still photo. I'm not sure if it makes sense, but this was a fairly middling match where both guys looked cool for large portions. The Nation comes out through the crowd, everyone is wearing all black, Kama's street fight gear is black jeans and a black sleeveless T, Faarooq is in black jeans with taped up ribs, just a couple of badass looking dudes. But the match never really matches the intensity of the stip or the look. Faarooq STARTS the match by hitting Kama with a hammer, and it's REALLLL tough to keep up the pace when a fight starts with someone taking a hammer to the head. What doesn't help things is that Faarooq sells a beating like a guy having a restless night of sleep. He's got his ribs taped up, and Kama attacks the ribs, drops a nice elbow, hits him with a heavy ass garbage can (WWF was new to weapons at this point and didn't know to use flimsy cans), and Faarooq sells it like a turtle who realizes he won't be able to get off his back so has given up. This needed a lot more intensity that they gave it.

Dan Severn vs. Mosh

ER: This was really cool, as it was basically worked like a Bloodsport match. Severn shot in with a fireman's carry takedown and double legs and kept Mosh down with his weight, but Mosh was no pushover on the mat. I've never thought of Mosh as someone with amateur wrestling tendencies in the ring, so it was cool to watch him not go limp on takedowns on throws. He was taken down with a reverse waistlock and kept fighting to his right and actually almost pulled off a go behind on Severn. It actually looked like Severn wasn't expecting it and they both tumbled into the ropes. Severn throws him with a couple of cool rolling gutwrench suplexes, and Mosh keeps trying to slow the momentum of them, making them only look cooler and fought for. Mosh even got a big arcing takedown while Severn was distracted, and Severn nearly took a huge head drop off it, like he was Misawa taking a big German. I really dug the two grappling on their feet, ending with Severn throwing what looked like a shoot bodyslam, then doing a similar lift into a powerslam before trapping the arm. The only actual strike that was thrown was a kneelift from Severn (and a really terrible punch on the floor, when Thrasher took out Cornette with a punch that landed somewhere around Cornette's elbow). 

Goldust vs. Bradshaw

ER: This was worked the way the opening street fight should have been worked, and this one didn't need weapons. Well, it did have Bradshaw's heavy chaps as a weapon, and Bradshaw charging Goldust with a big boot and beating him with chaps was more violent than anything in the street fight. Bradshaw was at his most Hansen here, and I swear he whipped those chaps straight across Goldust's face. Goldust is a big guy and Bradshaw isn't going to be able to bully him, so instead we get two guys having no problem working stiff with each other. Goldust is a more generous bumper than Bradshaw so Bradshaw is the aggressor, but the punch and chop exchanges all look good, and they are both really GREAT at making missed offense look like it was supposed to hit. Goldust is really fantastic at moving at the very last second, so when Bradshaw misses an elbowdrop it has the feeling of Bradshaw being actually surprised that he hit mat instead. 

Both guys run face first into boots, Bradshaw throws a couple of wicked corner clotheslines, Goldust hits the best lariat of the match (a leaping one after a fast rope run), and this sadly ends when "Club Kamikaze" (forgot that's what Kaientai was called before they actually wrestled) runs in and attacks Bradshaw. Also, Bradshaw hit a fallaway slam on Goldust at one point, and Michael Cole called it a "desperation move". I think we really need to sit down and ask Michael Cole point blank if he can "What is a desperation move?" Because we now have 20+ years of evidence that shows that I most certainly does not know. Goldust went for a crossbody, Bradshaw caught him, held him, then threw that 270 pound man dead overhead. You could not pause a single frame of that sequence and find anything resembling desperation. For whatever reason, Cole has always used the phrase "desperation move/maneuver" to describe the moment that one wrestler stopped the momentum of their opponent, but never to actually accurately point out a desperation move.

Terry Funk/2 Cold Scorpio vs. The Midnight Express

ER: This was a cool match (one that was somehow given 7 minutes) that the crowd could not have cared less about. I don't think there was anything these four could have done to move this crowd. Bob Holly and Bart Gunn were a bad idea for a Midnight Express team, but we won't go into that because it was obviously supposed to fail. But they were a good team, just a team that the crowd couldn't have cared less about. But I was really surprised that a NY crowd didn't care about Scorpio or Funk. The crowd had just gotten their first Austin appearance of the night, a quick but good promo, and it's probable they were still mentally distracted. I felt bad for Funk, because the old man was out there trying. It felt like he was doing a classic album in front of a crowd who didn't recognize the band. His loud chops got reactions, but his buckled knee selling of Gunn's nice left hands played to cruel silence, his nice neckbreaker got no reaction, his comically wild missed punches got nothing, just a startlingly quiet reaction. 

The Midnight Express could have gelled nicely as a team, but that wasn't what they were there to do. Holly was clearly the most shaken by the silence. The guy dropped Funk with a nice piledriver, and again with a spike piledriver, and THAT gets silence? That would bug me, too. Gunn tried to fire people up from the apron and give us some big slams, but you have never heard bumps this loud because the crowd was just that quiet. Gunn and Scorpio each hit over the shoulder powerbomb - which is a really cool move - to nothing, Holly hits a big huracanrana on Scorpio, Midnights set up a nice drop toehold/elbowdrop double team, and nobody cares. It sucks. Scorpio finally wakes them up at the end by hitting a wild plancha into both Midnights, really flying far out past the mats. And the finish is big for this era, with Scorpio catching Holly's knees on a moonsault but still getting to hit the 450 a bit after. Scorpio's 450 was so beautiful and so impactful that I have no clue why he didn't break out as a guy in WWF. Should have been a super popular midcard guy during the Attitude Era. I'm happy we got his great NOAH run, but I've always wondered what if WWF did Scorpio better. 

HHH/New Age Outlaws vs. Owen Hart/LOD 2000

ER: This was a good longer match that the crowd also iced out, so there was just something with the crowd tonight. They win them over in the end, but LOD gets a big reaction during their entrance, DX obviously gets a big reaction, plus you have Chyna, X-Pac, and Sunny at ringside, so this match should have had some real heat. The opening Owen/Gunn sprint was really good, the two had good chemistry. Owen and HHH always had good chemistry too, so a lot of the pairings were crisp. Owen's spin kick to Gunn looked really good, he had a great drop toehold on HHH (and HHH was always strong at taking drop toeholds, underrated part of his game), and Road Dogg was great getting tagged in at the same time as Animal and doing some "Are you kidding me?" faces. His work with Owen was strong too, and he ran hard into LOD offense. LOD looked a little slow, but still hit hard. Hawk might look clumsy during this era, but he's still going to throw a strong lariat. Animal is a little more energetic, and the crowd does get into the finish. LOD gave Road Dogg a wicked doomsday device, Chyna grabbed Sunny and carried her off like King Kong, Animal decked X-Pac, lots of good action. This was a good trios match with over guys, and a lot of men suggesting oral sex throughout. It should have been hotter.

Steve Blackman vs. Dude Love

ER: This was the weakest match of the night, and it made me realize that there aren't any actually good Dude Love matches other than the two Austin PPV matches. Foley worked the character pretty consistently for a year, mid '97 to mid '98, and outside of those two matches I can't think of a single Dude Love gem. The tag title win was more of an angle, and I don't think he has any other singles matches of note. It's odd that a wrestler as good as Foley could go nearly a whole year with so few quality matches. There aren't even any intriguing on paper matches that I haven't seen, just a bunch of 4 minute matches against guys like the Sultan. This was really dry, and Foley looked like an actual untrained wrestler at different points. The dancing never got over, he paced matches slower, and his execution was loose and uncaring. It was like he was a proto Orange Cassidy except the joke never actually got over. Foley threw a swinging neckbreaker that physically went the wrong direction, and it was one of the only spots of the match. Blackman is another guy who would have been a fun add to modern Bloodsport indies. He had a Zero-1 mostly untrained MMA McCully brothers vibe (but more wooden), constantly looking for new offense that would stick, so he would always try out new strikes or surprise you with a diving headbutt. This mainly served as an angle, with the match kind of just killing time until Austin ran out to blast Dude with a lariat, then throw McMahon hard to the ground. Hot quick angle to end the show.


ER: I was unprepared for the crowd to be so quiet during these matches. The card looked real hot on paper with a lot of good pairings, but the Nassau crowd really didn't care about a lot of this. The strength of a lot of the matches was still there on the screen, but they all would have benefited from an engaged crowd. The unique matches made it well worthwhile.

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Hey, This Happened: Bart Gunn and Saturn Stiffed the Hell out of Each Other, 13 Years Ago

Mike Barton vs. Perry Saturn TNA 4/9/03

13 years ago Mike Barton made his one TNA appearance, as he and Perry Saturn stiffed the holy hell out of each other, and none of us saw it because we were all in our early 20s and we weren't watching TNA. The match starts in the back (a clear reminder of who was in charge...) and Barton throws a dozen hard left hands right at Saturn's eye as they brawl to and into the ring. Saturn fires back with an occasional stiff right of his own, Barton fires him meanly into the guardrail, Saturn gets busted open over his right eye, and - it being TNA - the camera also zooms in to watch him blade his left eyebrow. Barton hits a cool shoulderblock off the ropes, and Saturn hits an awesome springboard dropkick (looks even better while bleeding) plus a couple of awesome German suplexes. We get a tremendous spot where Barton holds up the bleeding Saturn in a loooong delayed vertical suplex, and you can see the blood dripping off Saturn's head and down Barton's chest. Saturn really has no problem leaning into all of Barton's shots, and the finish was really great. Barton threw one of his hardest lefts, and then shook his hand out afterwards and started kind of pulling at his glove. Saturn pounces and maneuvers around Barton, takes him down and starts wrenching on Barton's hurt hand to get the tap. I love a good brawl, and I was a wild teenage super mark for the Brawl for All, so this was really fun to see all these years removed. Saturn ending a fight by capitalizing on a guy possibly breaking his hand from too many punches, improvising a street fight submission on Barton, was a pretty high concept finish for a match nobody knows about. 

Also, as a fun aside, one of the first email conversations Phil and I ever had was about Saturn. Phil and I traded tapes in the early 2000s, and I would make compilation tapes of lucha and WWF Metal/Heat matches so he could watch guys for DVDVR 500 consideration. On one of the last WWE syndicated comp tapes I sent him I was REALLY impressed by a wildly resurgent Saturn. Saturn had come back from injury and was really tearing up the early 2002 WWE landscape (at 1 AM on Saturday nights on my local affiliate). I have fond memories of doing my midnight to 2 AM college radio show, then picking up Taco Bell, going home and watching the episodes of Metal and WCW Worldwide that had aired during my radio show.

Well, I searched my old ass email inbox and found one of the earliest email conversations between Phil and I, from 4/30/02:

Eric: "Just wondering if you got the Lucha/B/O WWF Metal/Heat tapes I sent you. I sent them a week ago, so I was hoping the WWF comp would be there in time for the 500 ranking. I guess if it didn't get there in time, there will be some sad WWF undercarders who won't get their rightful place. Anyway, good luck with the 500."

Phil responds: "Yup got it watched it all, you were totally right about Saturn. Although he is hurt so he won't end up preposterously high on the 500 like he would have. Me and Tom totally dug the Metal and would be into future tapes like that every six months or so. Really fun wrestling, although it was frustrating to watch Funaki refuse to mat wrestle even with jobbers or Saturn."

There you have it. Two guys bonding over their love of 2002 syndicated Perry Saturn matches. Still going strong today! <3 .="" 3="" p="">

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