Found Footage Friday: SAD GENIUS~! GRANS HAMADA & GUERRA~! GYPSY JOE~!

La Gran Guerra: Jason the Terrible/Chicky Starr/Iron Sheik/Ron Starr vs. Carlos Colon/Ricky Santana/Rufus R. Jones/TNT WWC 10/29/88

EB: On December 12 and 13 of 1987, Capitol Sports Promotions held for the first time ever the La Gran Guerra match, which pitted members of the heroic El Ejercito de la Justicia against members of the villainous El Club Deportivo. La Gran Guerra is two rings enclosed by a steel cage with all team members starting the match together. Handcuffs are located around the sides of the cage and the objective is to handcuff your opponents in order to neutralize and take them out of the fight. The winners are the team that is able to handcuff all of the opposing team’s members first. And the prize for winning is that you get to uncuff your teammates and then get 5 minutes to attack your neutralized opponents at your own leisure. The two sides have each won one La Gran Guerra match and now, ten and half months after the first two matches were held, a third La Gran Guerra is set to happen.

The date is October 29, 1988 and we are almost two months removed from the big Aniversario show main evented by Carlos Colon vs Hercules Ayala in a fire match. This feud continued beyond Aniversario, with Colon and Ayala engaging in several rematches that escalated to a stretcher match and most recently a Texas Death match on October 8. Colon and Ayala are captaining their respective teams for this third La Gran Guerra, but while Colon is competing in the match for El Ejercito de la Justicia, Ayala will be captaining from ringside for El Club Deportivo. Ayala is unable to compete due to a neck injury suffered when Carlos Colon piledrove him on the arena floor during their Texas Death match. He’ll be here supporting his team, even if he’s there in a neck brace at ringside.

Joining Carlos Colon on the El Ejercito de la Justicia are a veteran of the previous two La Gran Guerra matches in TNT and two first timers in Rufus R Jones and Ricky Santana. For El Club Deportivo it is none other than Chicky Starr leading the charge, joined by his cousin Ron Starr, the Iron Sheik (a key member of the team that won the second La Gran Guerra) and Jason the Terrible (who is making his return to Puerto Rico after a year and half away). Ron and Jason are competing in their first La Gran Guerra match. All combatants are in the ring so let the war begin. 

MD: There has been a lot of talk about modern cage matches and about how the cage is seen as something to climb or something to escape or something to fight on top of. That's in contrast to decades ago where a cage was somewhere where there could be no interference, where there could be no running, where feuds had to end. Gran Guerra takes it a step further even. In these, the goal is not to contain the action, but to constrain it. Instead of one more person entering every few minutes, wrestlers are removed instead. The action becomes tighter and more focused as it goes on and more and more wrestlers are handcuffed. 

Here the blood came quickly as people were tossed into the cage. Santana bled first but he was soon joined by almost everyone, with Jason as the obvious and striking exception. For the first few minutes, they stayed in one ring and ignored the other, just making everything feel all the more claustrophobic. When they did venture out into the second, it was more to allow for the handcuffing to be spaced out geographically than anything else. Colon and Jason were matched up for most of this and they would be the ones to end it.

These days interference happens in almost every cage match, just another way the gimmick has been diminished over time. But matches should serve purposes, not just to entertain and titillate. Dissonance creates heat. The cage is supposed to be a way to end feuds, to allow violence to run its course. In a world where that is true, where the last thing people expect is interference, it can cause amazing heat. In a world where it happens all the time, then there's much more to be gained by NOT having interference, because that's what goes against expectation. Then, one time out of ten, do it. That's how things played out here, with Ayala throwing in salt as Colon was about to win. Not only did it cost the babyfaces match, it also meant that they were beat on mercilessly for the next five minutes as per the stipulation. Here, because it was set up to matter, that meant even hotter rematches between the babyfaces and the heels and more tickets sold. So yes, there was interference here, but it's shown to be the exception that proves the rule.

ER: It can be tough watching such a large scale two ring match in fuzzy video quality, action further obscured by being shot through a chain link cage, but here it feels like we're seeing what anyone sitting in the cheap seats would be seeing at a huge blowoff event. The action can be hard to follow, but when the action is all blood-drawing punches you know you're just seeing the universal pro wrestling language being spoken. Blood flows early and often (Ricky Santana is so bloody that for all I know he hit the blade in the dressing room) and my favorite thing about it was TNT in there throwing all variety of full extension high kicks and spin kicks. In a match where every man is punching and using the cage, it's awesome to be the guy throwing huge kicks that play to the back row. All of his kicks look great, especially the ones to Chicky and Jason. Chicky is a great guy to see sell a kick, but I loved the match long story of Jason just walked through every kick to his mask, no matter how hard or spectacular, and finally fell flat on his face after a high kick to the back of his head. This is fucking Jason! Conventional weapons cannot harm him, conventional kicks cannot move him, and finally TNT finds his weak spot. This doesn't seem like the kind of match they could have done in PR just a decade before, as I've heard of far smaller things causing riots. Ayala throwing salt in Colon's eyes leading to all the babyfaces taking an unprotected 5 minute beatdown should have brought back the glory days of rioting. I don't think it would have been possible for the heels to make it past one minute without the cage being swarmed. 

Sad Genius vs. Gran Hamada 9/5/00

MD: I know Genius has other Texas Death Matches but I haven't seen them. But on some level this is a brilliant exercise in futility and frustration for Gran Hamada. Genius comes in with this amazing level of confidence, belt around his waist, pulling his hand back on the shake, and then he immediately gets rolled up by Hamada. this is a Texas Death Match though (the traditional style that can ONLY end in the ten count after a fall), so no big deal. He just gets up and keeps wrestling. Then he ends up in a cross arm breaker and almost immediately taps out. And he just gets up, selling the arm a bit, but otherwise unperturbed. Why not tap out? You have ten seconds to get back up after that. There's no reason to stay in a hold in a Texas Death Match with these specific rules except for pride, and this guy is somehow perfectly delusional and self-aware at the exact same time. 

In the face of all of this, Hamada is Hamada. He is full of pride. He, even in 2000, can still land on his feet out of a takeover, no problem. And yet he's been tossed into this bizarre world against this bizarre wrestler who was obviously capable and talented, with these rules that drive him increasingly nuts. Yes, Genius would take advantage of the ability to escape any hold he wanted and would come back with a clubbering shot or two, but Hamada just plowed through and kept things coming, escalating his offense and those holds. There was a path where he could eventually get Genius either hurt enough, knocked out enough, or humiliated enough that he'd stay down and that journey might have be compelling, but everything just sort of fizzled out as either Hamada or Genius or the ref or god himself just had enough and this ended without meaningful conclusion.

ER: I'll be honest: I've watched a lot of wrestling in my life, but I can't pretend I knew who Sad Genius was before this week. Maybe I heard about him once, who's to say. I've already forgotten enough names of movies, bands, actors, whatever, to fill books. If I'd heard tale of Sad Genius before a few days ago, they've been forced out by newer but not necessarily more interesting knowledge. Sad Genius is essentially a trust fund kid who keeps trying to buy his way into high society but is never accepted by the peers he seeks. It feels like he's doing a fake title belt Andy Kaufman bit, only if Andy got actually good at pro wrestling fundamentals and wanted to be taken seriously as a wrestler instead of just using wrestling as a medium for chaos. Sad Genius even looks like Andy Kaufman, right down to the exact same grown out at the sides combover Kaufman was sporting in 1982. 

This match is about 10 minutes long, and the entire time it feels like something teetering into a shoot. You get a real sense that there were details Gran Hamada was not told and he is finding them out over the course of the match. Hamada recognizes this man, whose name sounds like a bedroom shoegaze project, is Up to No Good. I am positive that Hamada was not told about the Texas Death rules. I am positive about that, as the only interpretation of what happens in the first 30 seconds of this match, is that Hamada recognizes Sad Genius is Up to No Good and shoot pins him with an inside cradle. Hamada dragged this man into an inside cradle and looked upset to learn that the house style was Texas Death. He wrestled the rest of the match like that and looked constantly perturbed and guarded, like he couldn't wait to lace into Genius for this shit. And that's before Genius kicks Hamada in the stomach a couple times as hard as he can, or drops him on the back of his head with a back suplex. I'm confident nobody has told me about MUGA-trained Andy Kaufman before. I'd remember that. 

Hamada still does flying, but he does it in this fascinating untrusting way, knowing he has to force Genius to catch a pescado, he throws dropkicks like he's expecting his target to move, and he keeps taking Genius down with armbars that keep turning more serious...but Genius never does act up. He just looks like he keeps getting shoot taken down and arm barred by a 50 year old legend until somebody in jeans gets on the apron and starts yelling. Sad Genius is either a great salesman or Gran Hamada actually hurt his arm, and there's a feeling that no matter what happens in any of these matches, Sad Genius is getting awarded the title. There's a 10 minute post-match interview with him and it plays like a video deposition of a man hesitant to give up his family. Sad Genius would have made a 500. 

Sad Genius vs. Gypsy Joe 1/19/03 

MD: There were not many people in this crowd, which sort of tracks and is not at all a surprise, but it does give this a distinct feeling like it's being wrestled specifically for us almost twenty-three years later. If the Hamada match was a novelty, this was a spectacle and pretty much everything one might have expected. For the first few minutes of this, Genius (who had his music start back up as he disrobed) and Joe (who came out to Dust in the Wind, of course) absolutely kill each other. After a couple of clean breaks, Genius launches just the nastiest kicks and then Joe brutalizes him with chops. There was one little short elbow that Joe hit that I went back and watched ten times because it was the best peppering shot I've seen in ages. Genius finally has enough and hits the floor only to start in on Joe's legs on the posts. If we had another five minutes of this I imagine it would be just as imagined.  

Instead, two masked Karate Guys come running in and it becomes an impromptu tag match with both of them working over Genius until he could get a dragon screw leg whip on one. Joe comes in just mauls them in the best way including taking all their chops like they were nothing. Genius gets in on the act too including Inoki pumphandles, but he gets hit by this hilarious low blow kick. He comes back anyway and hits a belly to back to win it and it's just all wonderfully ridiculous. Post-match Joe is ready to fight anyone in Tokyo and wants more people to show up next time.

ER: Sometime between the Hamada match and this match, Sad Genius added disrobing music. He keeps his robe one right up to the bell, when a 3 second power riff plays, timed to his disrobing and kicking off the match. Joe is 70 and definitely doesn't know who Sad Genius is, and at first I thought he was going to wrestle this in a t-shirt but instead he treats this guy like Fujinami. Genius hits three stiff as hell kicks to Joe's chest and Joe treats him like an asshole, at one point throwing a jab of an elbow point into Genius's eye. The double ninja DQ robbed us of any kind of chaotic finish and means we never get to see Joe try to break this guy's nose. Joe does do a 70 year old kneedrop off the top to one of the ninjas and that feels like one of the most dangerous things a man his age could possibly do.