WrestleMania 38 Night One Live Blog 4/2/22

And so, I find myself alone and with nothing at all interesting to do on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and I feel my brain slowly slipping into actually thinking the writing about WrestleMania in real time is a good idea. I know it's a bad idea, and yet I feel compelled for reasons that are beyond me. I have only seen one WWE show this year (including TV and PPV) and that was Royal Rumble, which was...exactly as bad as most of the Rumbles have been over the past decade or so. I actually thought the men's rumble was fairly salvageable, while the women's rumble was one of the worst things ever put on WWE programming. And so, after watching one bad one one mediocre 60 minute battle royals, my poisoned brain thought that writing about WrestleMania would somehow be a productive use of mine or anyone else's time. I don't know what matches are on this show, I did not watch the pre-show and I have not seen any 2022 WWE TV. All I know is that people whose opinions I trust are not at all excited about this show, and that perversely must have made me more interested. We're all sickos and idiots. Simple as that. 

1. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rick Boogs vs. The Usos

ER: It is unfathomable that they did not have a single pre-show match while hosting a TWO HOUR pre-show. Injuries and a half dozen DUI have prevented the Usos from teaming up at the past few Manias. The Usos cut Nakamura off from Boogs with some simple kicks and holds (only worthwhile one was Jey's low boot on the apron), then Jimmy and Nakamura are both exhausted 3 minutes in and must build to a hot tag. Boog's axe handle offense should look better, and I think it used to look better. Having Boogs' knee buckle while lifting both Usos is a smart way to take him out of things, and a knee blowing out from lifting too much is far easier to fake than a prolapsed asshole. I'll give the fans huge credit, because they are loud as hell for this match, which would be immediately forgotten minutes after it took place on Smackdown. The Jey superkick while Jimmy was holding Nakamura's hair looked great, and wow this is not a great start to the Grandaddy of Them All. Honestly fucked that the Harder Farmer didn't take Boogs' place once Boogs hurt his knee. 

2. Drew McIntyre vs. Happy Corbin

ER: It's weird being the one guy into Baron Corbin, but I am. Are more people into Corbin now? Do they not like him because he looks like a tall athletic Colin Robinson? I like the way Corbin and Drew move around each other. They're similar size and have a couple similar movements, except one is dressed like Waylon Mercy had Waylon Mercy worked at a Fire Island gift shop. I like Corbin's overhand rights, but liked a little underhand punch he threw a couple times even more. I don't know if I've seen him throw that punch really, but obviously I'm going to support guys adding new punches to their matches. They're the same size, but the match is clearly being worked with Corbin as the heavyweight and McIntyre as the 2000s Edge-style cruiserweight who people don't seem to realize is 6'4. Drew is out here taking the Mysterio bump into the guardrail and hitting a running swanton into Corbin and Moss, missing his running dropkick when Corbin ducks out of the way. Corbin is the one throwing big punches and going for big slams, Drew is the one constantly leaving his feet. Asskicker Drew is better than 260 lb. Finn Balor Offense Drew, but I thought Corbin did a great job pushing the pace of this and setting up Drew's big misses and leaning into his hits. This was good, but underwhelming for WrestleMania. 

3. Rey & Dominik Mysterio vs. Logan Paul/The Miz

PAS: Dominik Mysterio wearing the Gringo Locos gear as a tribute to his real dad.

ER: Dominik's gear is incredible, the first actual good ring gear of his career...and Logan Paul goes and one-ups him by wearing the million dollar Pikachu around his neck. Can't help but dig a guy who clearly gets it. I liked Paul's big leapfrogs and dropdown splits, but Bad Bunny didn't flinch on strikes in his match and you can't lean out of a Rey kick. Rey's not going to be the one who stiffs you man, you gotta stay in to the end. I love Rey's little ashy gray goatee poking out of his mask, and I love Paul committing to the running powerslam even more. Brother held on for dear life and followed it through. I wish someone had clued Paul into Kawada kicks, because Paul in the black and yellow doing trolling little kicks to the forehead would be a perfect bit of offense for him. I liked Paul's Blockbuster and his bump off the apron, and after I was ready to tease him after he flinched, he's tightened everything up since that flinch. There will be a handful of wrestlers on this show whose work doesn't look as good as Paul's (with Boogs already arguably one of them). Miz put a bunch of extra flash into Mysterio's great swinging DDT, and then showed he is the bigger man by doing the Three Amigos as tribute to Dominik's real dad. I'm fully on Team Paul when he does the Three Amigos and then does the shoulder shimmy up top before hitting a very good frog splash, but then he sets up Rey's 619 as well as anyone since mid 2000s Chavo with a great missed clothesline stumble. I thought this was pretty great. Everyone was on and the layout let everyone shine. Everyone knew when to hang back and when to take the moment, and it just coming together and building. Constant smile on my face during this one. 

4. Biance Belair vs. Becky Lynch

ER: Texas Southern marching band doing Belair's entrance is so damn cool, and I loved the big brass touches they added as accompaniment to her theme. Once they started enhancing the existing them and not just playing a marching band version, it was next level. I don't know if this is a hot take or not, but Becky's chopped mullet looks so much better than that shitty Mad Max pompadour that has covered wrestling like a foul stench. I am a mark because I fully bit on the 10 second finish. They did it before, it wouldn't be shocking for them to do it again! The longer the match goes the more I love Becky's look. She looks like she'd be at a club in Liquid Sky. Her suplexes look fine, but the rope drape legdrop needs some work. I appreciate that this thing isn't 50-50 reversals of reversals, but I think Becky was in control for way too long and Bianca is far more impressive on offense than when she's selling. It's really weird that they are not letting Bianca do anything powerful. Becky not only gets to do all of the offense, but she also gets to slip out of every piece of Belair offense. When I finally think Becky is going to be planted with a powerbomb, it gets reversed. Belair's 450 looks so much cooler with the braid, but Becky Lynch coming up way short on the Molly Go Round and axe kicking Bianca in the face looked even better. Once the Manhandle Slam (ugh) happening on the steps I again bought into that false finish, thinking they could plausibly do a count out finish and even getting me to think that they would have put this as the main event if they were actually doing a title change. So, they got me to fully bite on two different false finishes, and that has to mean it's a good match. It shows they fully understand the story they're selling and know how to play off of fan expectations, and that's awesome. I still think there were ways to give Bianca more during the match as I don't think Lynch needed 15+ minutes of control just because she was losing the belt, but I cannot argue that the match was a success. 

5. Seth Rollins vs. Cody Rhodes

I can't say I'm very excited for this match, but I'm sincerely happy for the people who wanted Cody. I was a big fan of In the Weeds AEW era Cody, a guy who was no longer really had a role in the company he helped found, an interesting take on the played out shades of gray character as he actually felt like a real shades of gray person. But Cody Rhodes in the WWE doesn't sound interesting in any way to me, it takes all of the edge away from that weird character he was leaning into. But I will give all the credit in the world to Cody, because I don't think that anyone could have predicted that he would ever be getting this kind of Stadium show WrestleMania reaction even 5 years ago. I don't know the program that pairs these two up, and I don't understand Rollins' Epic Bacon Dalton Castle gimmick but we'll give it a shot. The vertical suplex to the floor was a great sprawling Cody bump, and it feels like they're making their small scale stuff a bit more upscaled for the stadium, and that's cool. I don't know if the match itself is grabbing me, but Rollins had bigger chops and a harder back elbow than normal and Cody's armlocks looked good, Rollins flies 20 feet over a table off an okay Cody tope, etc. The pinfall trading and strike reversals mostly looked bad, but at its core this was a Seth Rollins vs. Seth Rollins match and I couldn't vibe with it even with the crowd so loudly behind Cody. The move trading doesn't work for me, the bad Rollins Kings Road Tribute strikes don't work for me, but I do like that Cody understands internal WWE match logic of Invoking Legend Offense To Set Up Finisher is a surefire victory. I never would have guessed Cody would be getting among the loudest reactions at a WrestleMania, and I don't see how he can maintain this level of intrigue while in WWE, but for now people got what they wanted. 

6. Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte

ER: I'm not sure why I'm not more excited for comeback Ronda. She was one of my favorite things in pro wrestling during her initial run so maybe she just has some of the stink from that brutal Royal Rumble on her. Charlotte needs to throws a tighter back elbow. It's Ronda Rousey Charlotte, you can work like an asshole. The grappling was good and I like how Ronda rag dolled Charlotte on a couple of takedowns and tied her up in the ropes, but also took a cool flipping back bump to the floor when Charlotte reversed her. Charlotte responds to my note about her back elbow by walloping the entire side of Ronda's head with head arm and elbow, then runs face first into a Ronda kneelift. Weirdly, Rousey feels more like a rookie wrestler now than she did in 2018, and this whole thing is becoming a weird piece of theater. I don't know which page they are supposed to be on, I don't know who is messing up what, but it's kind of making the match more compelling? Charlotte's moonsault looks bad enough on its own, she doesn't need someone fucking up her timing. This is super disjointed and would be better if Charlotte got unprofessional, but it's staying a bit too genial. I said that it was too genial right as they stated kicking each other in the mouth on the mat. The end stretch was fine, the figure 8 and breaking of the figure 8 looked cool, but this match never threatened to be anywhere near as good as their Survivor Series 2018 match. Rousey was having great singles matches with every woman on the roster in 2018, and based on her big match performances in 2022 I just don't think that's a thing that's going to be happening this time around. 

7. Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Kevin Owens

ER: I can't believe they're actually giving us a wrestling match. I can't believe Stone Cold Steve Austin is coming back after like 20 years away and he's going to have a t-shirt and shorts match against Kevin Owens of all people. I will stop waiting for Austin to rip the shirt off, or tear the jorts off to reveal the black trunks underneath, but my only real base level hope for this is that it isn't anywhere near as depressing as the Bret/Vince match. The throwback Austin stuff in the ring certainly looked like a guy in his 50s who hadn't wrestled in a couple decades working through some of his classic mannerisms at a convention show. What I was not expecting, was this match suddenly getting great when they move it to the floor. Owens is game for taking big bumps around ringside, but I was actually shocked when Austin took a massive bump into the ringpost. I mean I was not expecting Steve Austin to wrestle, let alone take actual peak era Austin bumps, so this is insane. The crowd brawl was really good and Owens was so good at stumbling and tumbling his way down aisles at the perfect pace for Austin to follow along punching him. Good rhythm. Austin is one of my favorite wrestlers of all time, and no part of me would have predicted a few hours ago that I'd be seeing him take a vertical suplex onto concrete tonight. What a madman. This guy had a cool thing going by being the guy who never came back to give Hogan - or anyone - their dream match, and who knows maybe he sees Sting doing an insane balcony dive and goes "Hell Stone Cold Steve Austin can take a stupid bump on concrete". Owens is good a bumping down the long entrance ramp and Austin looks like he's having a great time out there, and I'm happy they're delivering much more than they needed to. I bet plenty of people would be happy just seeing a Stunner, so I imagine they are ecstatic seeing an actual Stone Cold brawl. Owens re-signs and main events WrestleMania with the biggest white whale retired wrestler in history, and my hat is off to WWE for actually giving a stadium of people a show filled with actual moments that they wanted, not ones that WWE wanted them to want. 

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