St. Peter Gave Out Medals Declaring Andre the Nicest of the Damned

Andre the Giant/Giant Baba/Dory Funk Jr. vs. Toshiaki Kawada/Tsuyoshi Kikuchi/Kenta Kobashi AJPW 3/4/92 - EPIC

ER: This was excellent, a great match format played to perfection. Any time there's a match where one side of guys is average age 50, and the other side of guys is under 30, I'm going to love it. Andre is somehow the youngest member of his team, but also the oldest. All of the young guys are now legends. This was on a huge Budokan show, 16,000 fans who were very into all six of these men. This was not a "legends match" where the young take it easy on the legends, with maybe a couple saucy shots thrown in to get a crowd ooooohing. No, this was the young guys willing to get hurt just to kick some old guys' asses. But the legends hit back even harder, and they manage to keep a super successful 50-50 pacing that made it feel like either team could pull out the win. The crowd got progressively louder throughout, and they *started* loud. The way they were screaming and filling the ring with streamers for every participant during the introductions made it feel like a match worth caring about, and made it feel like a main event. As excited as I was for it on paper, I don't think I actually expected it to be as great as a typical big 1992 All Japan trios match. But it is. 

It's paced really well, filled with unique pairings and great exchanges, and peaks with an awesome heat segment on Baba were all the young guys beat the shit out of their patriarch. But the legends are no pushovers, and that leads to several great moments of old guys knocking cocky young guys on their asses. Everyone is a strong contributor to this. Dory and Kikuchi start with some firm spry matwork that ends with a nice Kikuchi fireman's carry. The matwork only gets chippier when Dory throws his whole shoulder into a couple uppercuts, and spry old Dory doing matwork with Kikuchi was a thing I didn't know I really enjoyed. Dory turns a Kikuchi hiptoss into a tweaked abdominal stretch and rolls it into a tight pin, and that's when Kawada gets his shot. Kawada always felt like he was going to be an asshole to veterans in matches like these. He's a great guy to fully announce what kind of match this was going to be. Dory/Kikuchi was spirited but mostly professional, but Kawada shows no such reverence to Funk by kicking him as hard in the liver as he would ever kick Misawa. Funk throws really hard uppercuts and I loved him tagging out after tiring his arm out hitting too many jaws. 

Kawada not giving a fuck about who anyone used to be was one of the many continuing highlights of this match. He is great at being disrespectful because he's also great at selling offense and falling on his ass. Baba can still move at this point and holds his own nicely with Kawada, but they kind of neutralize each other, and the second Kobashi tags in Baba starts throwing the stiffest Baba chops off Kobashi's chest. Kobashi absolutely torpedoes him with a shoulderblock and then does probably the most appropriate rolling cradle in the history of him unnecessarily putting that into matches. Kobashi cradling Baba and rolling him around the ring was a crazy visual, with Baba's cool weird body being tumbled dry low for all to see. It worked as a visual and as a cocky young guy spanking the veteran and embarrassing him, and I can't think of a better usage for that move. 

This entire time Andre is looming on the apron like a mythical colossal giant. He looms large in the background like a comic book thug blocking an alley, heavier than any point in his career, rocking the one strap until the day he dies, hair and sideburns shagged out like Muzzy. In 1992 he was mostly presence on the ring apron, and even though he was a presence that had to almost always be leaning on the ring ropes, he was still a major presence. I really love 1992 Andre, the absolute slowest Andre, because he moves like a fairytale giant. He's slow, but he's this big stomping toddler who is also as powerful as five men. I love slow, stomping, vulnerable Andre. You can easily outrun this version of Andre, but he still looks like a guy who lives in the haunted woods and snaps branches off old oak trees to use as toothpicks. He chokes, chops, and headbutts Kobashi before Kobashi knocks him backwards teetering into the ropes, and the crowd is extremely invested in the danger of Andre falling down. Everyone is in awe of Andre but also knows he might break like porcelain if he unexpectedly falls, and the danger of 1992 Andre adds greatly to his in ring drama. He's not going to bump, but the fact that he might accidentally bump is something he knows how to expertly milk. 

Kikuchi gets in and immediately acts like a smug young punk, high kicking Andre in the face and then getting punched out of the sky when he comes off the opposite ropes. Kikuchi is such a tenacious little prick and the Andre stuff keeps getting better as the giant fights off the pest. Kikuchi leaps up to his feet with elbows and Andre keeps swatting him off, but things get even better when Kawada comes in. Kawada kicks the hell out of Andre and it's some incredible pro wrestling from both. Kawada doesn't hold back and so Andre knees him in the stomach and stands on his hand. Kawada throws a kick to Andre's belly that makes Andre let out a sound like the death moan of a grizzly. Kawada keeps kicking and Andre does these dramatic falls that make it look like he's going to spill over the ropes, and when Kawada kicks Andre right in the fucking knee brace Andre nopes his way the hell out of the match. I talk about Andre's great in-ring acting, and this spot is a perfect example of that. Kawada soccer kicks Andre in his worst knee and Andre angrily waves his arms like a man standing up from a table saying "Fuck it! I'm done!" and in one motion wheels around to tag out. I have no doubts that this was a planned kick, a big moment to show Kawada's impudence, but Andre was able to make it look like a real moment. That carny element of trickery and keeping up appearances, that eye widening gleeful look when he gets Kawada in a chancery and knees him in the stomach, and a moment like this where he convincingly hints at shoot elements. Old Andre is like Old Buster Keaton (or maybe five Buster Keatons stacked up under a large coat), using muscle memory and a wealth of stories in only facials and reactions to entertain regardless of physical health. 

Kawada is really on one and fired up after kicking an old man in the knee, so hits a hooking heel kick under Dory's chin right after Dory takes Andre's tag. Dory gets a nice butterfly suplex on Kobashi, but also takes a lariat to the collarbones from Kawada and gets rolled into a rear naked choke. The heat segments of this are fantastic, filled with Baba makes saves by stomping guys in the back of the head, and a great moment where Dory stomps Kawada in the back of the head and Kawada jumps to his feet to elbow Dory in the face. The boys gang up on Baba and it's so good, with Kobashi hitting a perfect moonsault for a great nearfall (imagine doing a moonsault to your boss, just coming a few inches away from whipping your knee into an old man's face from the top rope), and Kawada kicking Baba's forehead a bunch before crushing him with his top rope Tenryu elbowdrop. Baba takes a legdrop from Kobashi, a Kawada kneedrop across the face, and a stiff tope rope Kikuchi headbutt, and the kickout inspires a crowd roar. 

The finishing stretch is great fun, with Kobashi holding Baba prone for what would have been an insane Kikuchi missile dropkick, only to get caught by a surprisingly Suddenly Right There Andre. Once Andre took that leg kick from Kawada I assumed he would not be getting into the ring for anything else and would work exclusively from the apron. Suddenly he is RIGHT behind Kobashi and chops him right in the fucking cerebellum and it looked like the most murderous strike in the entire match. Baba is freed, Kikuchi dropkicks into an empty pool, and Andre squishes Kobashi into the corner to trap him. The Funk victory with the spinning toehold is set up so well, with Kikuchi throwing fiery elbows (you really got the sense here that Kikuchi could still actually somehow get a pin on Baba or Funk) and coming in hot with a heel kick, only for Dory to catch the heel and lock in the toehold. The old men shut down the young and also no doubt spent the next several day packed in ice. I loved every single part of this, and I loved every single person in this. What a match. 

PAS: Eric did a hell of a job covering this match, and I agree it is a corker. I loved how Kawada especially came right out guns blazing. He wasn't looking to praise his elders, he was looking to slay them, and it was badass. Everyone was great in this, and it's some of the most enjoyment I have ever gotten out of a Dory Jr. performance. Baba was really spry, and Andre was perfect. I am also a huge fan of end of the road Andre, he feels so primordial, like an ancient force risen from the deep. That shriek of pain felt like a real moment, the beast has shown his weakness. His return near the end to nearly decapitate Kobashi almost felt like a jump scare in a horror movie. You though Carrie was dead? Here is her hand pushing out of the grave.

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE ANDRE THE GIANT