ICW New York No Holds Barred 1/4/20

Tessa Blanchard vs. Nick Gage

ER: This was a brawl sprint, with Gage jumping Blanchard at the bell and her playing catch-up the whole time. I think it would have worked a lot better if Gage had taken time to sell Blanchard's shots better. Gage likes these quick brawls where he's pushing through the crowd, pushing through fans while exchanging big punches. But Gage's thing is also that he's the toughest guy in the room, so he's barely getting moved by Blanchard's strikes, and meanwhile Tessa is whipping around a head full of hair every time Gage throws a fist near her head. I like some of the ways they get from A to B, like Tessa taking the worse of a crowd beatdown only to escape into the ring and hit a dive. It felt like they were playing up Tessa getting the advantage even though taking more damage due to Gage being distracted by his adoring throng of fans (and it's true that Gage has more live show charisma than most people I've seen on indy shows the past decade). I don't know if that's what they were going for, but I went there for them because it made the pacing make more sense. Things felt a little abrupt and it was a pairing that sounded more interesting on paper, and the finish of Tessa throwing a chair at Gage's head and then DDTing him on it had some hinks, and Gage kicking out right after the 3 to manufacture controversy always just makes both sides come off worse.

8. Homicide vs. Casanova Valentine

PAS: This was like a version of those incredible Homicide vs. Teddy Hart matches in JAPW if Hart looked like pre-gastric bypass Kevin Smith.  Cide just massacres him early, stabbing him with the ghetto fork and spraying lemon juice in the cuts, smashing him in the ribs with a bolt cutter. Valentine does hit a nice belly to belly to take some control, and even garden weasels Cide in the nuts. Valentine brings out a dildo with nails through it, and Homicide kicks him in the balls and just starts brutalizing. I loved the idea of Cide totally unwilling to play along with that viral Tik Tok bullshit. Ron Funches isn't going to retweet you, I am just got to beat the living shit out of you. The end comes with Cide waterboarding Valentine with bleach and frenzy stabbing an already unconscious Valentine in the the head. Out of control Homicide is still incredibly compelling.

ER: It might be easier to be compelling as a worker if you have a lunatic like Valentine who is willing to bleed and get repeatedly stabbed. That's a big ask, but it seems to be Valentine's thing. This is my first time seeing Valentine, though I'd heard the "King of the No Ring Death Matches" moniker before (which does seem like kind of a hollow title. This match had a ring, but it could have easily been worked the exact same way without one, and "need a good ring" is not something that comes to mind when I think of successful death matches). With his big bushy beard and long hair he came off more "Piglet Champion" than Kevin Smith (although had he brought out a Fleshlight covered in nails I would have conceded the Smith resemblance). Homicide's mugging of Valentine started the match, and continued long enough that I wondered if this was turning into Ian vs. Peter B. Beautiful. I'd be really curious to know how much art there was behind Abby or Homicide's fork stabs; it's a quick bit of violent magic that sure feels like a shoot stabbing, and this is a match where people wanted to see a shoot stabbing. Valentine is a good bleeder (has there been a fat guy who is a bad bleeder?) and that was the star of the match, with Homicide stabbing, squeezing lemons into cuts, choking Valentine over the chain ropes, enough that I was genuinely rooting for Valentine by the time he made a comeback. Valentine hits a great overhead belly to belly and has really nice clubbing forearms. He had brought a Garden Weasel to the ring, and it doesn't really read when he's rolling it on Homicide's back. The motions just make me think of a toddler with one of those Fisher Price vacuums with the popping balls. Speaking of popping balls, the Weasel reads much better when he's hooking and pressing it into Homicide's genitals. The bleach finish felt excessive (feels more "feud ending" than "finish of the 2nd match on a show") but you know there had to be several fat wrestling fan Ackshually guys in attendance who explained that Homicide didn't use proper waterboarding technique. The visual of Homicide fork stabbing the unconscious Valentine was strong.


Jimmy Lloyd vs. Alex Colon

ER: The big spots in this were pretty great big spots, but I think they could have tied them together better. YMMM death matches are weird, weak transitions, just one guy falling into something sharp, then standing up and making the other guy fall into something sharp. Both guys are good at falling into sharp things, so the falling looks great, I just wish there was a little more build or sense to it all. But, the big moments are cool, and there is some nice nastiness in between. Colon looks like Death Match Jaka, and he seemingly has several pairs of scissors stashed in his cargo shorts. He slices Lloyd open with a pair of them, but not before Lloyd smashes the top of Colon's head with a thumbtack bat. Colon has a shaved head and we get the great visual of a couple dozen thumbtacks sticking out of head for the rest of the match. Lloyd takes shots with the same bat, but Lloyd is wearing more clothing and has a full mane of hair, doesn't read as impressively as a nutbar our hear doing deathmatch wrestling with no shirt. The board covered in cut up soda cans really shook me, like they keep coming up with new shocking death match props and I can't handle it. Anyone who has accidentally cut themselves on the mouth of a soda can only experienced the tip of the iceberg; those things are even sharper than razorblades and here's Colon eating a facebuster and a tiger driver on them. Crazy. Cameras mostly miss Colon hitting what looked like a killer tornado DDT tope, and the Spanish Fly finish through a barbed wire board was pretty spectacular. Maybe I liked this more than I realized? At minimum, this made me want to see more Alex Colon, and that's a good thing.

Eric Ryan vs. John Wayne Murdoch

ER: What a couple of bloodletting savages. This brawl didn't rely on sections of extended cutting, one guy holding still for minutes while the other gouges at his forehead, and was instead driven by both guys just bashing each other in the forehead with fists and weapons. No gouging, but a lot of disgusting. We had a board with bent forks, a board with cut up soda cans, a board with razorblades, but the real blood factory are these gusset plates. Eric Ryan gets busted open good on impact, and it only takes him hammering Murdoch's face a couple times with a gusset to get him going too. Things ramp up when the go to the floor, both fighting themselves off the apron through a door, with Murdoch following with a cannonball off the apron, and Ryan bashing him silly with a door ("That door must weight 100 pounds," says a commentator who must think bank vaults are made of wood), Ryan really blasting Murdoch with shots who leans into them before eventually regretting that. The big spots looked great, like a wild superplex from Murdoch through a table, and there was plenty of Ryan stabbing and scraping Murdoch with bent forks before tossing bloody fork souvenirs to the crowd. I really like how Ryan's use of forks lends itself to a better brawling atmosphere, keeps action flowing from spot to spot and keeps blood fresh.

PAS: This was pretty good, Ryan is my guy for US death match workers, and he really opens himself up here. I loved Ryan really wasting him with right hands, and I think I would have liked this better if it was more of that, and less set up fork boards. It's weird, if this was just a regular brawl where a guy grabbed a soda can ripped it open and gouged a guy with it I would love it, soda cans on a board make the insanity seem very set up and performative. I loved the half crab stomps finish by Ryan, although I wish it wish it wasn't proceeded by a tough guy no-sell. I liked more about this then I disliked about it for sure, but it did have some stuff I disliked.


Killer Kross vs. Tony Deppen

ER: Deppen comes out in street fight gear, wearing cutoff shorts and a CZW is Pussy shirt (feels like someone on Drag Race could easily turn CZW is Pussy into a huge brand catchphrase), and Killer Kross comes out to murder him. The show needed a match like this, no blood or weapons but a big crowd brawl and a violent semi-squash like classic ECW. Deppen brings some big knee strikes (including one that really buckles Kross) and tries the Darby body-as-weapon approach, which occasionally works! Deppen's tope into the crowd looked great (the security guys in all black and ski masks is a fun touch to the atmosphere), and Deppen even flies off the White Eagle bar with a crossbody. But a lot of this is Kross catching and crushing Deppen, launching him into ugly hotshots on the chainlink ropes, and finishing the match with some sick rolling Riki back suplexes. The whole match worked really well as a palate cleanser, the violence all coming from throws and collisions instead of gouging.

Necro Butcher vs. SHLAK

ER: I got unexpectedly emotional during Necro's entrance. I knew what to expect from his physical appearance, I'd already been shocked by the pictures, but I was not prepared for seeing him in motion. I'm sure part of it was my mood at the time, but the Freebird entrance combined with the decomposing visage of a legend really hit me. I'm not sure what Necro has, but it is something, and possibly several things, and it's terrible. He's a big guy, and parts of his body still retain some size; he still has big calves and fists, but everything else has been wasted away. He honestly looks like my grandfather in his last days, especially in the face. My grandfather died at age 90. I was actually dreading the match by the time I actually saw Necro walk out, but honestly? The match kind of ruled. Considering all factors, here's a guy who looks like Death's ghost, and that is about as much built in wrestling sympathy as you can get. It's no secret that Necro Butcher is one of my all time personal wrestling favorites. He's one of the most fearless and captivating performers I've ever seen, and one of those guys who I would love to see against any opponent, just because of what he brought to a match. There aren't many guys like that, for me, that you can take literally any opponent, and the match would be intriguing just because of The Necro Factor. Necro Butcher vs. Davey Richards? Yes sir, I saw that match LIVE, and I can't fathom any other situation where I would be excited for a Davey Richards match.

I wasn't expecting a classic Necro performance here, but I really liked what we did get. For a man who looks as brittle as 1998 Giant Baba, Necro is still out here getting punched in the face, punching SHLAK in the face with heavy hands, getting his head bashed with the edge of a trash can lid, taking a chairshot to his elbow, and bleeding hardway. If you want to remind yourself how crazy pro wrestling is, just know that had I been in the crowd and a man who looked like Necro landed near me, bleeding, I would have shoved every woman and child I could find in front of me to shield me from whatever could be. But here's SHLAK continuing to open him up, like a total lunatic. Necro doesn't have the speed he once had, but he's still out there throwing big fists directly at SHLAK's jaw, and SHLAK landed several shots right to Necro's ear, and you could see that ear getting redder with every shot. The "sit and trade" spot is pretty played out at this point, but when one of the participants looks like he's a nursing home resident fighting for his supper, a new level of intrigue is baked in. The big shot that finally sends Necro crumbling from his chair was a great visual, and SHLAK just standing on Necro's skull while trying to rip his arm off was even better. And then my man kicking out of two sitout powerbombs got a reaction from me bigger than anything on the show so far. Necro's arm shot up off that mat like that arm reaching up from the grave in Creepshow, showing that this corpse ain't dead yet. When he kicked out of that second powerbomb I was howling, and yet I was thankful when he stayed down for the third. Necro Butcher is an absolute wrestling legend, and I loved what he was still capable of giving.

PAS: I can't say this was a good match. Necro looks like MPRO Dynamite Kid, and it is shocking how much worse he looks then he did even at Spring Break less than a year before. There was some real drama here, because SHLAK is so sloppy that it felt like any moment he might kill this very sick person he was in the ring with. Necro still has real instincts about pacing and storytelling in the ring, and the end was really compelling, with those perfectly timed kickouts. I just rewatched Necro vs. Joe for my book, and you could see that there were similar timing and and pacing instincts in this match. GCW or ICW should just hire Necro to agent their matches, shit NXT or AEW should hire Necro to agent their matches, I just really don't want to see him in the ring again.

I do wish, if Necro had wanted to get semi-squashed by a guy to put them over, that it was someone better then SHLAK. SHLAK looked like he could hardly lift a guy (who might be 140 pounds at best) up for those powerbombs. I have no idea how someone who is that jacked has so little upper body strength. Maybe he is just wearing a realistic looking muscle suit, or ICW has a big CGI budget.


Dan Maff vs. Mance Warner

ER: Big chops, big headbutts, biggest bumps. I will never complain about Maff just chopping fools, and Mancer is crazy enough to puff his chest out for all of it. This was a real bring out all the stops in ring brawl, with classic plunder like trash cans and doors and chairs coming into play. The match starts with an immediate chop exchange, and it goes long enough that I got restless and a little glazed, and Maff snaps me immediately awake when Mancer turns his back to prep for another chop and Maff just spears him unexpectedly through a door. Mancer's crumpled sell into that shattered door was perfection. And everything was big after that, with Mancer dropping big DDTs (including an awesome tornado DDT where he vaults off a chair), and Maff is one of the best at taking DDTs, rolling them right off the side of his big dome. Maff crushes Mance with a cannonball while Mance is laid out in a trash can, Maff drops him with a piledriver on that same can, and the kickouts get fun in a "why not this is crazy fun" kind of way. We get a great visual of Maff being run throat first into on of the top rope turnbuckle boards, and it looked nasty enough and Maff's sell was so good that I bought it as the finish. Mance beating down Maff with part of that busted door from earlier, and Maff's head burst through the door crazy eyed like Jack Torrance. And then Maff destroys Mance with a nasty suplex, before getting the confirmed 3 with a Burning Hammer. And part of me actually wanted to see Mance kick out of the Hammer, just so he could take another.

2. Low-Ki vs. Masashi Takeda

PAS: This was an interesting style clash, with Ki wanting to work the match clean, and Takeda losing his cool and trying to brawl. The early sprawls and wrestling exchanges were really fast, and caused Takeda to open up a wound on his ear. Takeda eventually tires of the wrestling and kicks Ki low, but each time he tries to bring in weapons Ki counters: Punching a chair out of his hands, using judo throws to avoid scissors shots, so cool. Finish was the kind of unique bit of violence which Ki has been coming up with lately. Ki ties Takeda's arm's behind his back with the belt Ki was wearing with his Gi. Takeda spits on him, and Ki responds with a spinning kick to Takeda's sternum, and a double stomp from an elevated platform directly onto Takeda's spinal cord for a well deserved ref stoppage. After that Takeda is going to be begging to take some gussets to the face. Really fun style clash and Ki just keeps rolling.

ER: I loved how Ki approached this match, playing it totally straight, and the ground game was good enough for both that I stupidly expected it to stay there. Once Takeda grabbed a cool kneebar that made Ki sit up suddenly, I was getting into a mat based main event on a death match show. But Takeda couldn't help himself and just punts Ki in the balls. I loved Ki still selling the nutshot on the floor with a duckwalk around the ring as Takeda dragged him, love the way Takeda's ear blood splattered across his face (Takeda's body is one giant wound waiting to be opened, so not a shock he was busted open early), and love just how damn HARD Low Ki punched a chair into Takeda's face. Takeda went to swing on the floor and Ki punched that thing so hard I assumed he had broken his hand. The work around Takeda's long cutting shears was awesome, with Ki holding him off from stabbing his eyeball, then working slick throws to toss Takeda without getting sliced. I wish Takeda would have taken Ki's kicks a little more seriously, there was one spot in particular where Takeda flipped Ki off and Ki William Tell'd that finger practically right off his hand and in one motion swept back and kicked him in the jaw. But Takeda sold some of Ki's kicks by just standing up after getting kicked. No fighting spirit, just a guy who was now taking his turn. I hate that shit. Luckily this match had Ki stomping through Takeda's torso bones, and that is something I am okay with. He hits one early leap onto Takeda's chest after leaping off the chain ropes, and the match ends with the most cruel Warriors Way possible: Ki plausibly ties Takeda's hands behind his back using the belt on his gi (love Ki in his 1994 UFC skin), batters the defenseless psycho, and leaps off the top onto a balled up Takeda. The finish either properly reset damage he had taken, or completely destroyed Takeda's back for life. Who can be sure?


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