On Brand Segunda Caida: Squash Matches!!

Kendall Windham vs. Keith Hart WCW Saturday Night 2/25/89

ER: I really love these young Kendall Windham squash matches. This one goes over 5 minutes, stretched out by Windham continually grabbing smothering chinlocks. It goes long enough that Windham runs out of offense so just starts cycling through his array of powerslams and bulldogs, to my glee. And to be clear this is not Keith Hart, brother of Bret. This is a guy who pulled duty in WCW around this time and always took a big beating, the kind of guy who was undersized but deserved more of a shake just for making guys look this good. Windham had begun working heel around this time - and the aggression suited him - and Hart made sure every single move Kendall attempted was going to look great. Hart was small enough that Kendall was able to throw him around pretty easily, which lead to some really nasty stuff. Hart was the kind of lunatic that would take a huge flipping bump off a big lariat, real nice complementary forces at play here. Kendall had a real nice chinlock, tightened at the wrist, big arm wrapped in tight around Hart's jaw and mouth, not so much killing time as softening that neck up for the killshot bulldog. Kendall and Hart are two of the only people who can make that "hand on back of head" bulldog look awesome, with Hart pancaking himself into the mat and Kendall making it look like Hart had no say in the matter. Powerslams, bulldogs, big lariats, and the kind of chops that send a guy flying up onto ropes? What more could you want? Well, if you find yourself wanting more after this, it turns out that Kendall Windham's extended squash of Keith Hart was so enjoyable that it prompted a YouTube user (found in this very linked match) to write a piece of bully porn fanfic in the comments section. Very Hot Stuff.

The Heavenly Bodies vs. Todd Morton/Larry Santo WWF Wrestling Challenge 3/19/95

ER: I always love it when Tennessee indies make their way onto WWF programming. The mid-to-late 90s Lawler and Cornette influences were a cool way to take guys who felt way more like WCW workers and put them in front of a different crowd. The Heavenly Bodies were such a kickass off the gas southern Steiner Bros., and like the Steiners were one of the great 90s WWF team of crowbars. I tend to think Steiners, Beverlys, Heavenly Bodies, and Headshrinkers, in that order. Those teams always found new and painful ways to destroy jobbers. And Tennessee jobbers are always great to be destroyed, always the perfect jobber for my sensibilities. Todd Morton is a longtime Segunda Caida favorite and here's he's sporting his most accurate Ricky Morton look while he and Santo get taken apart by the Bodies. Prichard is always trying out suplexes and powerbombs, Del Ray grabs Morton way down around the knees in a wheelbarrow and actually lifts him up for an Ocean Cyclone, and just drops him on his face. Santo is a guy who turns up a lot on WCW in job work, feels out of place on WWF TV, but he always has a fun "clumsy guy getting his ass beat" vibe to him. Del Ray always looked like he landed heavy on that moonsault, and this was simple two squash match legends in with two pros. Great junk food.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Duane Gill WWF Raw 6/12/95

ER: I'm really falling for these mid90s 150 second WWF gems. The 1995 WWF squash match formula got so much more done than the 2020 WWE squash match formula. 1995 squashes really make 2020 squashes look like sluggish bores. Modern squashes are arranged around three big moves, with a lot of slow walking and growling and camera posing in between. They're no good, and the roster is filled with guys who could be having more engaging squash matches. Every guy on the roster in 1995 knew how to have a killer 2-3 minute squash. It makes for the most easily digestible candy 25 years later. Bigelow showed off his speed and strength here, doing an amusing roll feint to duck a Gill lockup, then just running off the ropes and splatting him with a shoulderblock. Bam Bam throws in cool amateur flurries, fast takedowns, cool floatover on a pin, real agile stuff. Gill bumps real high on a backdrop and doesn't flinch when getting squished by Bigelow. Gill's comeback was impressive too, as he really clubs into Bam Bam and throws the best strike of the match, a hooking right to the jaw that made a surprisingly loud crack. He goes up top and flies directly into Bam Bam, with Bam Bam catching a grown ass man effortlessly over his shoulder, tossing him into the turnbuckles, and hitting one of the best snap vertical suplexes I've seen. I love the specific motion Bigelow used on his vertical suplex here, really made it look like he was whipping Gill into the mat. I love this format.