On Brand Segunda Caida: 90s Terry Funk

Branding Iron Match: Terry Funk vs. Virgil NWC 2/11/95

ER: Funk had a really fun formula for these 90s indy matches, and it's a formula that really gives the crowd their money's worth. He really makes sure he does a ton of stuff on all sides of the ring and even into the crowd, really giving so many of the fans an up close shot of a legend acting like a lunatic. Funk comes out with his large open flame branding iron and is literally waving it inches from peoples' faces, jamming it at the ring announcer, chasing ref Jesse Hernandez around ringside with it, almost lighting his own hair on fire rolling into the ring with it, constantly looking like a man going through with a completely terrible idea. And then he stooges around the whole damn building for Virgil. 

The match opens with Funk taking a punch from Virgil and falling off the apron through the timekeeper's table. The match literally starts with a table spot, and we brawl through the crowd from there. Chairs get thrown (and they're those solid as hell hotel conference event chairs), Funk takes spills over the ropes, gets hung up in the ropes, elbows the promoter in the head, literally hits a fan that gets too close (and if it was a plant it was extremely well done as Funk got him and then security from all over the building swarmed in and they never went back to it), throws garbage cans all over the place after emptying them, gets busted open (with the announcer regularly noting that Funk was covered in blood and ketchup and mustard), hits a big piledriver on the floor, staggers straight off the apron, eats two nasty DDTs from Virgil, just total chaos. 

The finish is overdone, but played well by Funk. He gets locked in the million dollar dream and headbutts the ref to get out of it, then wallops Virgil with the branding iron. Promising the loser getting BRANDED is an absolutely ridiculous stipulation, as who is going to actually get branded!? But Funk brands Jesse Hernandez who sells it as well as you can sell getting your flesh pretend burnt. This was not a great Virgil performance (and nowhere near as good as his genuinely great WCW heel run) but obviously Funk was going to show up. We even get a fun JYD appearance at the end (NWC was the home of the very last JYD matches) and he blasts Funk right in the chest with a hard lariat.

Terry Funk vs. Mark Henry WWF Raw 6/1/98

ER: This match is so cool, and one of the first genuinely good matches of Mark Henry's career (need to go back and watch his debut match against Lawler, and the Raw match vs. Owen from a few months before this Funk match). This is Terry Funk crafting a tight 5 minute match around a still limited opponent, with Henry shining right at the moments he needed to. Lawler was obviously the expert at these matches (there's a reason so many people were sharing his King Kong Bundy matches after Bundy passed) but he's 53 year old Funk taking it to a massive Olympian. There are moments where you can see Funk guiding Henry through things, but they happen early and by the time this match gets going Henry looks like a natural. Funk dishes out chops and a neckbreaker, then more chops and another neckbreaker...except he instead heel kicks Henry in the balls while standing with the neckbreaker. Ridiculous. 

This gets really crazy when they go to the floor, as Funk tries a Vader bomb from the middle rope to the floor (!), but gets caught by Henry and slammed into the ringpost. Very unexpected. Henry takes an awesome bump tumbling into the ring steps, and Funk throws out arguably his craziest moment of his WWF run when he hits an Asai moonsault on Henry, crashing with almost ALL of his weight directly into the guardrail. I mean holy shit. Lawler's "How many 106 year olds do you know?!" response to JR's "middle aged and crazy" quip is genuinely funny, but seriously this spot was pure insanity. Henry had to have zero experience catching a moonsault, and Funk just burns leg and hip first into the guardrail. Truly nuts. Back in the ring we get a cool shoulderblock spot, with both slamming into each other, Funk going flying, and Henry merely staggering. The smack on that collision was LOUD, and I dug all of Henry's elbowdrops and standing splashes, and it was super impressive seeing how fast Henry could scramble to his feet. I really love how these two matched up. At this point Funk wasn't really being put in a position to carry young talent in a match, and it was awesome to see that he could still craft a cool match around a talented but green newbie.

 

Terry Funk/Bradshaw vs. Too Much WWF Shotgun 7/14/98

ER: You knew this was going to be a mauling, and it was a fun one. Bradshaw honestly may have been at his best in '98/'99, as his work may have gotten somewhat smarter a few years later, but he lost a lot of that intensity and energy. He was super imposing and moved really quick, so he could have fast exchanges with smaller guys like Scott Taylor, all while it was obvious that the quick exchange was going to end with Taylor getting flattened. This was a lot of Too Much stooging, which, of course that's what it was going to be dummy, and it was great seeing those two stooge while getting occasionally punched. I think the most offense they got was a couple of tandem dropkicks on Bradshaw, and an eyerake to set those up, but there was so much movement that it never felt like an outright squash, even though 95% of this was dominated by Funk & Bradshaw. Brian Christopher takes three big bumps to the floor, Scott gets to throw a couple nice punches at Funk's jaw, Funk locks Taylor in a rolling abdominal stretch that sees Christopher running after them in circles not knowing how to stop it, all great stuff. I really liked Funk hitting a southpaw lariat to send Christopher over the top, and Bradshaw during this era really carried himself like a guy who I desperately would have sought out in All Japan and later NOAH. I like Bobby Duncum Jr., but damn Bradshaw would have been so much cooler in late 90s All Japan than Duncum. The clothesline from hell was a clothesline that should finish a match, and both of these teams ruled.