Segunda Caida

Phil Schneider, Eric Ritz, Matt D and occasional guests write about pro wrestling. Follow us @segundacaida

Sunday, April 02, 2017

WrestleMania 33 "Live" Blog!

1. Austin Aries vs. Neville

ER: It's wild to see Aries working in front of a crowd this gigantic. Good for him. Pretty sure I remember him being rejected from Tough Enough just a few years ago. And this was a real fun opener. They matched up nicely, and Aries hits his killer low tope (with Neville taking a springy bump back into the rail) and a huuuuuuge axe handle to the floor. WWE cameras are being real limp dick so far, cutting angles way too early. Seeing Aries land the big 360 elbow on a big stage was awesome to seeAries awkwardly hits his 450, and then later moves closer to the ropes for the red arrow, leading to him eating knees instead of him taking it flush.

2. Andre the Giant Battle Royal

ER: I love battle royals more than most humans and I thought this was a good one. There were a lot of very confusing choices, as I strongly assumed this was going to be the Braun Strowman show. We got the Braun/Show standoff earlier than I expected, and then it was all over. I assumed we would get Braun running wild and destroying 15 dudes. Yet somehow Hot Cop Tyler Breeze lasted longer. All battle royals have fun moments if you look for them. Apollo Crews took a violent elimination, Big Damo somehow lasted to the final three (and really should have won at that point), Tian Bing is somehow a person, Luke Harper looked awesome (and also would have made a more interesting winner), Sami Zayn went right after Braun in an awesome way, Goldust should have stayed in longer than he did as he's the ace battle royal guy on the roster, and the Gronk spot was good for what it was (though Mahal botched the drink toss. You need to do more of a wrist whip so that the drink sloshes all over the person. He just bounced a cup off his shoulder. Obvious a man who has never watched Dynasty). I'm still not sure this means anything, but I like battle royals. What was up with all that stuff on Mojo's body? Was that melting self tanner? HD is getting too HD.

3. Baron Corbin vs. Dean Ambrose

ER: I really love Corbin working over Dean's back, sliding him into the ringpost, and then jamming his boots over and over into his midsection. Ambrose looks really bad in this. like a total joke. You have Corbin taking a huge bump into steps, grimacing in pain, and Ambrose is hitting these floaty elbows and looked like a complete goof.

4. Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

ER: I'm actually really REALLY liking this. That Shane/Undertaker match was something so embarrassing on all fronts, that everybody should have felt bad. But I really liked this. Shane's punches all looked wildly stiff and great, mixed up to the face and body. His punches used to be that combo of "really stiff while looking terrible", but now they just look like clunking shots. He misses 1/3 of them which kind of makes them seem better to me, makes them come off more reckless. To the shock of everyone, Shane takes some stupid bumps. He flies back over the announce table in lunatic fashion, flipping ass over elbow, and back in the ring AJ is working stiff too. Shane's face looks all purple and AJ is throwing clonking shots to the temple. AJ sells a lot for Shane, but he kind of needs to for the match to work. Shane is established as a megastar no matter what any of us think, so AJ needs to sell big and he does. The ref bump spot was cool with AJ missing a kick and catching the ref in the chin, Shane takes trademark silly bumps through the table and foolishly goes for a shooting star press at the age of 47. AJ doing the one arm Styles Clash was a pretty incredible spot, and this whole thing worked for me. Totally exceeded my expectations.

5. Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

ER: I missed a portion of this but enjoyed the build up to this feud. "Why is my name on this list?" was handled wonderfully. Owens seemed like he worked hard, and I liked Jericho catching the cannonball into the Walls. I'm sure this was fine.

6. Bayley vs. Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte

ER: Camera man totally blew the Tube Men entrance, cutting back after they had already gone off. Come on, guys. I like all the entrances (Sasha's jacket was the best) and it was really smart to do eliminations, and the only lead to weirdness when Bayley had to sell for ages on the floor while Charlotte and Sasha worked. Charlotte's twisting press to the floor was nuts, and I thought the eliminations were a good order. Charlotte is built up as pretty much the top echelon, so she's kind of billed bigger than the champion. Sasha's elimination was nasty with her flying chin first into a turnbuckle, and Bayley going over clean was nice. It's weird that there really aren't tons of classic babyface females that little girls can cheer. Bayley is sexy without being billed as sexy and it's odd that doesn't happen more. This is also where I notice that this is almost totally the feel good WrestleMania. Starting here we got a lot of feel good "sorry about last year" results.

7. Tag Ladder Match

ER: I really wasn't expecting a Hardys return. A friend was convinced it was going to happen and I was convinced it wouldn't happen until at least Raw the next night. So then it happened. And now I have to pretend that I was just working my buddy Patrick, so that the surprise would still be real to him. I was protecting his enjoyment by keeping kayfabe. Hardys return as themselves, not their broken versions, which is a shame as I wanted to see Reby perform on a big stage. Or see Vanguard 1 zipping around the stadium. But we got the old Hardy Boys, which are the same Hardy Boys you've seen for 20 years now, and that's fine. Jeff still is fine taking a dumb bump, and he drops through a ladder a bit short which means he smooshes right through Cesaro. His trust fall bump off the apron looked fun, but I also completely weenied out of the one trust fall I was ever a part of (I bent my knees instead of falling just straight back. I was immediately disappointed in myself, but really the fear and distrust of those catching me outweight my pride. I no longer regret botching my one attempt at a trust fall. I did somewhat better during the team building ropes course). Plenty of fun spots in this, with plenty of men taking ill-advised flops off the ladders, Cesaro memorably nailing Enzo with an uppercut, and the Hardys still being crazy over. And Matt making Broken Matt faces while WWE wanted them working as normal Hardy Boys.

8. The Miz/Maryse vs. John Cena/Nikki

ER: Gotta hand it to Miz for taking this match and running with it. Maryse is basically a non-wrestler at this point, and Nikki didn't get too involved, but this seemed like a Miz master class in rubbing his normal, successful relationship in Nikki's face. All the vignettes building up this match were pretty great and Maryse had some Nikki Total Divas mannerisms down pat during these: the awkward hair playing, and the almost...condescendingly incredulous expression she tends to make. But Miz brought all the shtick to this and made the match far more interesting than just a straight Miz/Cena match would have been. I'm not really sure how to feel about the proposal. Nikki really wants to be married with babies, John Cena has weird rules about what kind of clothing people can wear to his dinner table, and it seems like something that was expected but also like one person wants more than the other? I dunno, I wish them well, and I guess I'm most happy that no kewl crowd members tried to make the proposal about themselves. Wedding proposals: still sacred to the worst of us!

9. HHH vs. Seth Rollins

ER: HHH got to ride a big trikey to the ring!! He looked slightly cooler than Trump in his big boy truck photo op, but old man supped-up tricycle isn't as cool as Game of Thrones warrior on the scale of "stuff Paul wrote in his grade school notebook". My friend Josh thinks he should keep growing the beard and embrace his leaner physique and move into more of a wizard mage larp character. And this match was what it was. HHH would injure Rollins' knee, and then Rollins would do a move that would injure his knee, and then HHH would work over his knee, and Rollins would gut through it to do a move that would injure his knee, and it took around 20-40 minutes. It makes sense within the crossfit lifestyle to push through the pain and continue doing something with poor form, so I think I understand the Seth Rollins psychology. I did enjoy the moment where Rollins was grabbing weapons from under the ring just to throw at him, it was a silly almost Bugs Bunny moment. And I liked Steph's table bump, as it was genuinely surprising just because she typically doesn't show much ass. The bump itself was a good one though.

10. Brock Lesnar vs. The Goldberg

ER: This was just about what it should have been. Goldberg had been spamming Brock with spears, which at least is a pretty decent storyline move to take down a man with diverticulitis. Brock is always great at selling the spear, and they go crashing pretty spectacularly through the timekeeper's area. Eventually Brock awesomely leapfrogs over a spear, which is essentially like countering Bald Bull's Bull Charge, and finishes him off with 10 or more suplexes. Goldberg is a loon for taking so many suplexes. But this was a pretty simple story, man underestimates other man, keeps getting caught, figures out way to finally avoid thing catching him. All the moves looked impressive, and this was good fun.

11. Womens 6 Pack Challenge

ER: Carmella had her makeup gun set to "clown whore" and I'm pissed we didn't get her entrance show as I realllllly wanted her moonwalking all the damn way down that long ass entrance ramp. This has to be the longest ramp they've ever used, when else will we get the opportunity for a moonwalk that long? Match was mostly a mess. Does Becky ever actually hit her spinning mule kick? I don't think I've seen it land, but some wrestlers weirdly choose offense they can't actually do very well. But yeah this whole thing was pretty rushed and made sure some more people got paydays, and I like Naomi so it was a cool moment for her. Alexa probably deserved more for all the excellent work she's been doing on Smackdown. Her promos and especially facial expressions are terrific.

12. Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker

ER: I hadn't actually realized how little Taker has worked in the last 7 years, literally working just 17 matches from 2011 thru present, which means I reallllly wish I could ask questions about why they booked Taker/Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett/Damien Sandow at a house show a couple years ago. Talk about a match that doesn't make sense at all a couple years removed. That's wasting a few of your last bullets before a boss battle right there. And Taker looked rough in this one. He took an eternity (but what is time to a dead man?) to get to the ring, and that was with him getting to start halfway down, and I truthfully expected some kind of special entrance. I mean jeez HHH gets to ride a giant trike to the ring and the man who can't really walk who actually USED to ride a bike to the ring...he has to walk? Like some sort of poor person, or man with DWI? Anyway, this was not great. It had good moments (I really liked Taker catching Reigns trying to do the drive by kick), but I kind of just felt bad for Undertaker. He looked hurt and in pain. There were a few moments that looked like he was outright sandbagging Reigns, but I don't think it was intentional. But a couple of them felt like something HHH would be accused of doing against an online favorite, to make them look bad (like when Taker was supposed to catch Reigns in a choke but didn't, and Reigns also didn't fully throw his punch since he was supposed to get caught...so we just had an uncomfortable moment). So there was clunkiness and ugliness, and I did like Taker's "Terminator reaching for his shotgun" selling, and the "you don't have the balls" moment was a good one. It was underwhelming, but more than anything I hope this was actually the match Taker wanted to go out on. You wrestle over 2000 matches for a company over almost 3 decades, and you should get to choose your last match. I don't know that this was it for him, but regardless, the man has earned his retirement.


It was a fun show this year. Long as hell, but didn't feel as interminably long as last year. The company was good at my house, the food was good, and the laughs were there. No real classics, though I liked AJ/Shane probably more than I should have, and there was enough offered during the night that I was never bored. Good times.

5 Comments:

Blogger Yerfuneral said...

Why did it post my comments in the other post bad enough it forced me to make it three parts. Google you are whack.

4:08 PM  
Blogger Yerfuneral said...

know was 7 hours of madness and you will realize it eventually but you are missing a marker for the Orton/Wyatt match.

I haven't been a regular viewer of the WWE product since Matt Striker was on commentary and they started pushing the universe angle in an attempt to leech off the Marvel movies audience. For years it was pretty much just the pirate streams of Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania. WWE Supercard made me want to see who these actual Superstars were and, hate to admit, Goldberg made me take a chance on a 3 month WWE Network card at the local Wal-Mart.

1. I don't watch 205 Live. I hate the idea of a show just showcasing one 'class' of wrestling. I like the style but it is better in fits and bursts making it more special. The few matches on RAW each week is enough for me.
Had an idea of Aries rep and thought was an excellent opener and the right person won. I didn't notice any backlash from the crowd but the crowd was still filling in. Not following it all these years with business seemingly down only the die hards are filling the crowds and these smart crowds have been one of the things I have hated. More on that later.

2. Wow a battle royal that used some psychology. I loved the fact Strowman and Show were the only people eliminating people going through everyone live knives in butter and everyone smartened up and got rid of a problem. Logic gets thrown out so often in wrestling. Know nothing about Mojo to see if this is something to help him move on the card or just the strict celebrity spot to get in your not typical wrestling stream news cycle the next day.

3. I guess you got to throw in a forgettable match before something you want to look really good. I understand from watching Big Brother Canada that The Shield was a big thing. Both these guys wish I had seen more of their past to know why I should care about them.

4. I get why people like a Shane bump machine and they make it special by bringing it out so sparingly. I didn't understand the backlash because I know when Shane does these matches with actual competent guys you get a better than average match and possible magic. This was something in between for me.
I notice with the brand split you get way to many of the same guys meeting over and over. I like seeing AJ against someone different.

4:09 PM  
Blogger Yerfuneral said...

5. The last month I started fast forwarding through most of RAW and Smackdown. I felt I pretty much knew what I needed to know about the people I didn't know. The shows are to long. Owens/Jericho I wouldn't fast forward through even though they seemed to just meet the same guys week after week after week. Wasn't anything more than I expected.

6. The best part for me was the very audible boos when Sasha was eliminated. I hope it was strictly the smarties. If it was over the whole not getting a set up for so and so to go heel this wasn't the time. Next ppv is in a certain persons hometown you do it then to get the hometown heat. They messed up the timing of the Raw women division at Fastlane and Flair should have had the belt going in. Bayley winning it without help and such this fixed a bunch of things after a seeming game of ha ha you smarties we fooled you by pulling what they did at Fastlane. I still don't get why people like Bayley she has had so many noticeable botches and reviews make it seem like I have only seen her worst stuff. I guess I just can't get over the Lady Sov side pony tail.

7. I was hoping the sudden switch to the ladders was to create a credible way for Enzo and Cass to win the belts. Enzo's speed and the use of weapons looked to be big a benefit in this match cause in any other situation it never made sense to me those two winning the belts. Never really liked Jeff Hardy and have always liked the turns to Matt characters. To many stick to their guns and have always liked what Matt and Jericho have done over the years to keep from getting to stale.

8. Miz and Cena are probably the two wrestlers I least care for and make it mixed tag too. The smart crowd and the way Cena and Miz played it up. It was a hard match to take serious in the first place so getting a hamfest kept me from simply tuning out like I thought I was going to.

4:11 PM  
Blogger Yerfuneral said...

9. HHH and Rollins I did tune out for. If they wanted me to care this would have been a tag match. HHH/Samoa Joe vs Rollins/Balor with Balor turning on Rollins and playing off all the injuries.
The whole Sting/HHH debacle has killed HHH for me forever. It felt like such a petty political match over a war long over. I get it Sting unlike Goldberg didn't check out and eventually went to TNA and maybe Sting if he didn't get so injured would have gotten some WWE glory but it has killed my taste for The Game.
Rollins don't know much about because he has been injured almost this whole time. So had no care in the world for him and because I know he has injured so many people and to see him come back so quick from a supposed horrendous inury just didn't sit right with me with how long those he injured have been out or had their career snuffed so tuned out.

Going to go out of order here because the 3 main event matches flow better talking about them together.

The Smackdown match unfortunately came across the reason the woman match use to be where it was. The female matches for the most part had made me forget about how the matches use to be and then we got this. I get creating a moment for Naomi but again we got this injury thing that left a bad taste in my mouth. This whole time I been wanting to see Micky James just run wild on everyone and then move over to RAW to try and run over them. Both ladies divisions have been solid but you run into an issue of same people over and over. Having a legend of sorts float between the brands would be nice. Though I understand injuries, suspensions, babies, and retirement(?) have put them in this situation too.

As far as the three main events: Wyatt/Undertaker and Orton/Reigns would have made more sense to me. If this is indeed Undertakers last match I would have liked to have seen Wyatt and more of a passing of the mystical torch. Wrestling is missing more of the outlandish things. I loved the various insect projections during the Wyatt/Orton match. It has become to much of a guys beating up other guys which is boring. Probably why Lucha Underground in season 2 got me to even watch wrestling again.
If Undertaker was doing more of the American Bad Ass character; Reigns would make more sense to me. With all the talk of dogs and yards. Reigns seemed to need whatever rub though and not convinced this did the work either. Just going to not mean much just like the past Rumbles and Manias I watched putting this dog over but think he is going to continue to be kicked and shooed away.
'Coldbeer' is still all I hear when people chant for Goldberg and this match was exactly like I expected minus a well timed weird looking leap frog. Well not expected length wise but wanted. I expected something closer to Undertaker/Reigns in length the way people complained how short Goldbergs others matches were. I expected lots of spears and suplexes so met my expectations. Undertaker/Reigns the same thing.
Wyatt/Orton contained a bit of a mess with the mind element that captured the mood. When it comes down to both characters it is more of a mind game and they found a way to capture that other than the announcers trying to put the idea over.
Over all I enjoyed myself. Not sure yet if I am willing to extend my Network subscription cause Eastern Championship Wrestling, World Class, and AWA isn;t enough to get me to stick around when so much of that stuff can find on interwebs but not kicking myself in the butt for trying the Network for 3 months.

4:12 PM  
Blogger Yerfuneral said...

fixed i think

4:13 PM  

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