Segunda Caida

Phil Schneider, Eric Ritz, Matt D and occasional guests write about pro wrestling. Follow us @segundacaida

Friday, April 01, 2016

Hey, This Happened: Rey Mysterio Wrestled Kurt Angle on a MMA/Boxing Card

"Angle has been taken out of his game by Riff Raff for god's sakes!!"~Jim Ross

That quote by Jim Ross could probably sum up the night of...fights that took place on the DEBUT FINAL SHOW from UR Fights on 3/20/16. The show had something for everybody! An MMA match, a grappling match between Chael Sonnen and Michael Bisping that even the biggest fans of grappling couldn't possible enjoy, a RIFF RAFF PERFORMANCE!!, Roy Jones Jr. continuing his (sorta awesome sorta weird) middle age carny tour of Russian arenas and American Indian casinos, and Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle in a 2/3 falls match.

And the Rey/Angle match was kinda fun. Resurgent Rey is pretty impressive, whereas 2016 Angle gets gassed really easily and then goes for chinlocks. They work a house show main event match, likely the exact match you can close your eyes and picture them having at any point in the last decade. It threatens to be something different and something special very early, as Angle rolls to the floor upset after taking a headscissors, starts throwing chairs, pulls Rey out of the ring and throws a stiff punch that sends Rey falling awkwardly through the strewn chairs. And I start to think "Oh shit, are they doing to go out of their way to stiff the hell out of each other to show an MMA crowd that they can hang?!" But the thing is, I don't think this was an MMA crowd. If anything, it seemed like a crowd here to see Rey, as he got better reactions than anything else on the show. And so they have a match you would expect Rey to have with Angle, and that wasn't too bad. Rampage Jackson on commentary talks about how he could probably outwrestle Angle, and Jim Ross does one of his best commentating jobs in recent memory, even slathering on some good ol' JR folksy bullshit artist charm when talking about Angle's "broken freaking neck" in the Olympics: "A broken neck! That's not pro wrestling hyper-bowl folks." Angle is on a pretty hard autopilot in this one, having the same basic Angle match you stopped watching a long time ago, only with less ankle lock reversals. Rey sets up 619s, does a couple sloppy splashes, and yeah, they have the match you would imagine them having on a house show. Best bump of the match is Brian Hebner getting caught with an Angle clothesline. He really got upended by it. With the ref down Angle kicks Rey in the balls and grabs a chair, which leads to Riff Raff taking the chair from Angle. Rampage asks if Riff Raff is going to help Rey ice down his balls, too.

This match happened. This card happened. Some people lost a large amount of money. Other people, who were promised money, will never see a cent of that money.

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