NOT All Japan Motherload - Funk/Kabuki vs. Sabu/Chono

Terry Funk/Great Kabuki vs. Sabu/Masahiro Chono - NJPW 5/17/95

ER: This match was immediately intriguing to me, as LOOK AT IT ON PAPER, but also because it's Terry Funk in NEW Japan. That immediately sounded like a mistake to me, as I don't recall him ever working NJPW before. There has to be some story behind this. A quick check shows he only worked 4 total matches for them, two in May '95, and the other two more of an old man glory tour in the 2000s. So this is weird, and I didn't know this match existed. Why did Funk work two matches in NJPW in 1995? This match right here at least seems like a marquee, unique match. The other one seems utterly pointless (Funk/Koshinaka vs. Fuyuki/Chono. Why bring Funk in for that match!?), but there has to be a reason why a total All Japan lifer like Funk worked two seemingly random matches for NJPW in '95. I WANT ANSWERS!

The match itself is awesome, full of all four men stiffly punching each other for the duration. Sabu especially has no problem just shoot punching Funk several times in the face, but in addition to that his worked punches looked really great. Kabuki is also a total beast in this. Some early stuff with Chono is a little tentative, but mid match when he tags in he just goes AFTER Sabu and hits the most gorgeous and brutal uppercuts you have ever seen. Chono works the match fast and hard, the stuff with him and Terry spilling to the floor is great, with Funk kicking his ass into the crowd and Sabu blindsiding Terry with more awesome punches. Terry has a mean gusher at this point. Sabu shoehorns all his Sabu offense in, including a wildly misguided moment where he tries balancing a folded chair on the top rope, with a seated chair ON TOP of that chair, and then thinks he could somehow balance on top of that chair to do a flying move. Pure glorious idiocy, and it sees him flop tailbone first off on a table. Funk goes for a moonsault later (didn't actually realize he was doing moonsaults as early as '95, thought he added that some time around '97), and this whole match is just weird and painful and incredibly fun. Post match we get an awesome Funk promo where he says he and Kabuki aren't as young and fast as they used to be, but they got heart, and then Sabu jumps Funk again. Sabu is screaming the entire time, calling Funk a motherfucker (yeah, apparently Sabu talked a lot in his Japan matches, which might surprise fans of his U.S. work), really lacing into Funk with nasty shots, then Funk takes over and goes for the spinning toe hold, yelling "Let's break this fucker's leg Kabuki!!" and he and Kabuki start kicking at Sabu's leg, then Kabuki walks off camera and mutters "son of a bitch". Fuck yes for all of this.

***As an added thought, Pee Wee Moore is arguably the most self-serving, obnoxious referee I've ever encountered. This douche wanted so desperately to be the star of this entire match. He spent the every second shouting as loudly as possible, every single moment. You should really watch this on mute as Moore just spouts a near constant stream of completely useless dialogue. If Funk grabbed Chono, Moore would just start yelling things like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TERRY? TERRY? WATCH IT. WATCH IT TERRY. TERRY. WHAT ARE WE DOING TERRY?" It doesn't stop. He does it to everybody (except his meal ticket Sabu) and I hate it. He so desperately wants attention that it's a Michael Scott level of depravity. He really tries his best to make every single spot about him. I've never seen anything like it. It's the worst moments of Red Shoes and Earl Hebner doubled. Really, really awful.

PAS: Yeah this was totally boss, Kabuki was an awesome old man tag partner to old man Funk, this was the best version of Last Vegas ever. It really made me want to search out more mid-90s Kabuki. Sabu was about as sharp as I have seen him, hitting all of his crazy shit in that endearing nutso Sabu way. Funk bleeds and wanders around and acts nuts. Totally exceeded all expectations.