APW TV Workrate Report: 5/21/11

We start with a promo from the debuting Kay Jutler, another British wrestler in APW. It's actually a good cocky heel promo, better than almost all the APW regulars that get promo time. It came off fairly natural, didn't sound like it was something he had rehearsed in the bathroom for an hour.

1. Kay Jutler vs. Timothy Thatcher. So the two British guys are going up against each other in Jutler's debut. Thatcher is one of my favorite APW guys. He has a real skeezy leering face, and can go on the mat. Odd that they have two foreign heels working solo against each other, but we'll see how it goes. Referee for the match is Toby, and commentator Killer J Mathias instantly starts making a bunch of "Your name is TOBY" jokes. I eagerly await him commentating a dog collar match so he can make some "Chains ain't right for niggers, Fiddler!" jokes. It's official, 2011 is finally appropriate to mine Kunta Kinti for jokes.

Looks like the crowd is instantly in support of Thatcher at the start, so that clears that up. Thatcher takes Jutler down and starts stretching him in neat ways, like wrenching an arm behind Jutler's back, holding it in place with his knee, and twisting the other arm out at a nasty angle. Thatcher also can throw a boss uppercut, and nails a few here. Looks like Jutler is an indy kicker as he hits a few nice kicks to a downed Thatcher. My favorite was while standing on the apron, hitting a sidekick through the ropes on Thatcher, allowing him to slingshot over into a swinging neckbreaker. Looked painful. Also did an amusing top rope slap to a downed Thatcher. Just jumped off the top, landed on his feet, and slapped Thatcher across the face. Jutler actually makes that jumping heel kick that Punk and Malenko do/used to do look good, which is a move that is tough to make look good. Thatcher helps it out huge by coming up clutching at his few teeth. Finish is Jutler missing a moonsault and Thatcher locking on his Lebell Lock-esque finisher. Not a bad match, decent debut for Jutler.

2. Victor Sterling vs. Will Rood. This is the opening match of the APW Young Lions Cup. I have never seen Sterling before. Rood I have written more about than any other wrestler ever I think. Rood instantly makes me take back anything bad I've ever said about him as he does a fist drop, and a REALLY good fist drop at that. Will Rood just vaulted up to my 7th favorite APW worker I think. And wow, then the match just ends a little later with Rood hitting a neckbreaker. This was only like 2 minutes. Can't really judge it too much. But shit man, FIST DROP!

3. Levi Shapiro vs. Brandon P. Net. Another Lions Cup match. These guys have not impressed me from what I've seen. All the Levi matches I've seen see him constantly pulling and tugging at his trunks during his matches, and within 2 seconds of this match he's at it again. And this match fucking ends after 2 minutes as well. What do I even say about 2 minute indy matches? "They had a forearm exchange, there may have been a backcracker, one of the guys won with a move that looked like it hurt both guys."

Matt Carlos leaves it all in the ring! We're gonna see who the better man is! This is going to be a fight! Bleeechhhhh. This guy is a fucking boooooooring babyface. He even does all his promos in a "wrestler voice".

Jeckles promos makes me thankful for the gift of DVR. Sometimes I bitch about my DVR when it forgets to record something, or it says my memory is more full than it actually is, but in times like these I kiss my DVR and thank it for it's 5x speed.

4. Perry Von Vicious vs. Daniel Torch. Torch is a greasy tiny guy who bumps big, but really if you weigh like 120 and you're a pro wrestler, you better fucking bump HUGE. PVV is working an upper class snob gimmick and he is very pale and skinny fat. Torch hits a spinning heel kick, misses a springboard move, and PVV wins with the Million Dollar Dream in like 2 minutes. Man these Young Lions Cup matches are fucking lame and pointless.

5. Corvus vs. Mickey Jay. Not sure why Corvus is in the Young Lions Cup since he's been in a bunch of APW main events, but I guess he won last years' YLC so he's defending his crown or something. Seems like it would make more sense for him to just face the winner of the whole tourney, but whatever. Seems like that just predictably means that Jay will get the win so the announcers can jizz over how Jay beat the...and while I was typing all that Jay got the win. Man this YLC has started out really shitty. This match went like 4 minutes while the others went about 2. What's the point? Why even have this opening round? Booooring waste of time so far.