Segunda Caida

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Saturday, June 05, 2010

WWE Superstars 2010: The First 4 Months, #15-11

15. Dolph Ziggler vs. JTG (2/11/10)

Ziggler is one of my favorites in WWE, but I wasn’t really expecting too much out of this one as JTG is one of my least favorites in WWE. But you know what? It actually worked out pretty damn well. Ziggler spent the whole match working over JTG’s neck with some neckbreakers and sleepers, and JTG did an nice job putting it all over. JTG took a nasty spill over the top to the floor, and Ziggler’s neckbreaker on the floor made a nice satisfying SMACK. Ziggler locks on the BODY VICE during a sleeper to make you realize he’s totally great, and then he puts over JTG’s Edge-inspired offense like a champ. Seriously, just as the Winter Olympics were all a bunch of contests based on degrees of sliding, every move JTG does is just kinda him pulling a guy to the mat without much impact. You know that move where Edge stands behind the guy and just grabs the guy’s head with both hands and just…sits down…and the guy falls back…and it doesn’t look that dangerous? Well EVERY FUCKING MOVE of JTG’s is basically THAT move. It’s just him kinda grabbing a guy, sitting down, and the other guy kinda falling. But Dolph whips himself right into ALL of that shit and it looks completely awesome! He’s taking all of these twirpy moves as if he’s The Rock taking the Stunner, and the fans are BELIEVING in JTG!! Then JTG does his strange comeback where he mimes jerking off a bunch of dudes and it confuses the crowd who thought the WWE had gone PG and Dolph ends it with the Zig Zag. Thank YOU, Dolph Ziggler, for making this 8 minutes of potentially nightmarish hellscape into a fun, completely watchable match.

14. Chavo Guerrero vs. Kofi Kingston (3/4/10)

Kingston is my least favorite worker in WWE. The guy looks like a total goof and has THEE worst offense on the brand…but Chavo digs down deep and pulls out the miracle of miracles. A good Kofi Kingston singles match that goes past 6 minutes. Big Show has already figured out how to work a fun 3 minute match with Kofi…but things get difficult past that 3 minute mark (NOTE: at the time of writing this, I had not yet seen the Ziggler/Kofi match from 5/7/10 Smackdown, and now I have and it was a completely awesome 9 minute match involving he of the worst WWE offense this side of Kelly Kelly). Look no further, as Chavo is your savior. He pinballs all around for Kofi’s crummy offense, and breaks out a bunch of stuff he doesn’t do that much anymore (rolling kappo kick, somersault senton). The ref stops it to examine a cut on Chavo’s eyebrow, and Chavo plays it perfectly. He had JUST gotten the advantage on Kofi and there he was, getting tended to by the ref while Kofi recovered! Once he was cleared to fight he tosses his towel aside and REALLY starts giving it to Kofi, and it looks all awesome and fiery. Kofi has to get all his lousy offense in, and Chavo tries his damndest to make it look good. Kofi’s offense always looks like it makes zero impact whatsoever. His topes just kinda float into his opponent, he glides through the air on his crossbodys and lightly bumps into the other guy. All of it looks so light and wimpy and pain-free. The finish is really great, as Chavo rolls out of the way of Kofi’s spin kick…only to instantly get hit with it as Kofi tried it again right after missing. Fun way to mix it up as I’d never seen him miss the kick, only to hit it right after. I cannot stand Kofi, but chavo threw in a GREAT performance here.

13. Matt Hardy, John Morrison, & Great Khali vs. Tyson Kidd, DH Smith, & Drew McIntyre (2/4/10)

Well this one was a pleasant surprise. Whenever they want to, WWE can have a real fun throwaway 6-man or 8-man tag. Oftentimes they use them to get 8 Divas onscreen and then have the match end in 3 minutes with only 4 of the Divas even getting in the ring. But when they want to have a good one and give it time, all their workers know how to play their roles perfectly and they’re almost always entertaining.

This was non-stop fun and everybody here did something cool and brought something to the table. Matt Hardy played a great Ricky Morton and had a nice fistdrop. I don’t get the “Matt is Fat” stuff I’ve been hearing. The dude kept working for a while after his intestines starting breaking through his abdomen. I’m not so sure I’d want to do a hardcore ab workout at that point. Plus, uhhhhh, he doesn’t actually look fat. If you want to talk about his lame tights or his bad hair, then those are all understandable…but fat? Now, maybe WWE should’ve caught lightning in a bottle and tried to get Piggie James and Fatt Hardy on the next season of Celebrity Fit Club (where you don’t have to be as grossly obese as the people on Biggest Loser), or had Jilian Hall stop doing the Brooke Hogan loser character and move here onto a more topical Jillian Michaels fitness character. They could’ve turned it all into a slowburn angle of two ugly, hideous outcasts like Piggie and Fatt falling for each other, seeing each others’ inner beauty and that nobody else would ever want them, so they might as well settle for each other. Think of the pathetic scene in Happiness where Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Camryn Manheim slow dance in a bar to Air Supply.

This match might have the best John Morrison performance of 2010, as all his usually shitty offense hits its mark and he throws some nice punches. DH Smith breaks out the rolling belly-to-belly suplexes that I never recall him doing, and they look fucking killer. Tyson plays a great twirpy punk the whole time, taking cheap shots from the apron. Khali is only in for a short while in the middle (hitting a nice back elbow) and hits his finisher at the end. McIntyre looks like big deal as well, carrying himself smugly and picking his spots, really coming off above the whole thing. The whole thing flies right by and is a blast.

12. Goldust vs. Mike Knox (3/11/10)

This has to be in the running for coolest 150 second match ever. Goldust has been on an absolute tear and Knox is a guy who looks almost better during sprint runs then in longer matches. Not to say he hasn’t had awesome longer matches against Finlay, Ziggler, and Rey, but he just ALWAYS looks good in 3 minute matches against ANYbody. This is non stop ass kicking, as they both get to just run over each other and go hog wild. Favorite spot was Goldust doing really nice 10 count punches in the corner, with Knox shoving him off, Goldust taking a big bump off it, Knox charging and Goldust hitting him with his great snap powerslam. This made you want more, but what a great taster it was.

11. Matt Hardy vs. DH Smith (1/28/10)

Matt Hardy has had some injuries and done some stupid stuff off camera so the days of the nice long TV matches are over for him, but this was a nice throwback to 2007/08. It has all the stuff those did: nice overhand rights, his opponent picking a body part and Hardy working around it and selling it, and a great false finish from the Side Effect. This also had some great distraction from Natalya (who dishes a mighty fine slap to Hardy). You’ve seen this all before in all the other Hardy TV matches, you just don’t get to see them that often these days. This was a welcome return.

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