Smackdown Workrate Report 3/21/2008

WHAT WORKED:

-You know, I gotta say, the character development they've been giving Cherry during these Diva Contests is actually pretty charming. So that's a third positive to these: great old-school angle being built up, proper use of text message polls, and interesting character development for Cherry. Of course, everything else goes below.

-Hey, The Naturals! Awesome! Hey, they're bumping like freaks for The Big Show! Awesome! Hey, that other guy took a nasty spill to the outside, too! Awesome! Nothing about this angle makes sense or compels me in any significant way, but come on, The Naturals! Awesome!

-Edge and Funaki had a totally fine competitive squash. Not sure why I'm expected to buy Edge having a chance against the Undertaker when Funaki gives him some trouble, but the match was totally okay. But who the fuck told Edge that he could do serious mic work. Tonight, he's gonna go to a whole new level! A whole new level of awkward grimacing and hair-pulling swiped from Victoria's playbook of unconvincing psychopath pantomime techniques.

-Okay, I laughed at Jericho's acronym jokes. I'm not made of stone.

-Mark Henry World's Strongest Slamming Khali was pretty damn cool. Everything else about this segment and the match that preceded it was fine, although Kane was looking more listless than he has in a while.

-Morrison & Miz vs. Jesse & Festus was awesome, what with Morrison & Miz being probably the best tag team in the world right now, and Jesse & Festus being consistently entertaining. This was the rare Jesse & Festus match where the appeal lies in Jesse's face-in-peril work rather than Festus's work off of the hot tag, mainly because that section was truncated and they went to the finish really quick after that. But the body of the match was awesome, with Morrison & Miz heeling it up while beating Jesse down, and Jesse being a fine Ricky Morton. Festus needed more time to be Festus to take this to the next level, but still a ton of fun.

-Undertaker vs. Chavo was a totally okay match until Taker applied the shittiest gogoplata ever for the win. The build to most of the big Wrestlemania matches this year has been....problematic, and I kinda feel like the modern day Andre struggling to put a new submission hold that he's trying to get over on a cruiserweight might just be the perfect symbol for the whole mess. But otherwise the match was fine. Post-match stuff was good, too. Edge is at his best when you just sit back and let him do horrible things. Their attempts to make him into a clever, manipulative bastard fail because he sucks at being clever and manipulative. But he's great at being a bastard. Go with what you know.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK:

-They had two handicap squashes on the same show? For two separate angles? Why? That's a total Russo move. Just careless booking. I mean, I guess it was an okay handicap squash. I like Deuce and Domino better than a lot of people do. But they're no Naturals.

-Once again, the stuff going on around the Diva Contest was interesting to me, while the Diva Contest itself was pretty dull. Good God, is there a less convincing actress in the WWE than Victoria? Do people still think she's good? Jesus, she'd get laughed off of the set of GLOW with acting like that. When you're too hammy for pro wrestling, you've fucked up bad.