Rey Mysterio v. JBL by S.L.L.

Rey Mysterio vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
WWE - 5/21/2006 - Phoenix, AZ
World Heavyweight Title Match

"I could careless about wrestling and steroids, if that'll make them entertain me to the best of their ability, I say pass them the needles. The only thing I feel bad about in this whole tragedy, is no more Benoit matches."
-Bigaveli, a simple man with simple needs

When I first decided to review this match, my main impetus for doing so was the reaction I got from a small handful of people who's wrestling opinions I respect (by which I mean Patrick, pretty much) when I said that I thought Rey Mysterio was the best worker of 2006. I wasn't necessarily expecting people to agree he was the guy, but some folks seemed to think his 2006 was pretty lackluster. I don't know why. Rey gave me a lot of matches to point to as evidence of my claim - the series with Mark Henry, several matches with Finlay, the Orton match after Mania, the emotionally awkward but still really good matches with Chavo - but this was the crown jewel of Rey's 2006. I had it behind only the ROH/CZW Cage of Death match and the Benoit/Finlay bout from earlier on this very card as my MOTY for 2006, but it really doesn't recieve the same level of praise as those matches, and I really think it should. So in writing this, I hoped I could draw some attention to the match, and to Rey's 2006 in general.

And then Chris Benoit iced his family.

I know it's cliche, but the old saying that nothing brings hard truths to the forefront like one of your all-time favorite pro wrestlers murdering his family and then committing suicide really is true. My view of this match hasn't really changed, but my view of other people's views of this match - and of Rey's 2006 in general - has shifted from "boy, those guys are dumb" to "boy, those guys are contemptable human beings who are indirectly responsible for an innocent seven-year-old boy being strangled to death by his own father". Well, I don't feel that way about Patrick, but you get the idea.

The criticism of Rey in 2006 tends to come in three varieties. One is the way his Title reign was booked. Not a particularly appalling claim, especially considering that the booking of his reign was really, really bad. Still, for reasons I can't understand, the poor booking of Rey's reign somehow became a criticism of Rey the wrestler. People actually try to counter claims of Rey's 2006 greatness as a worker by pointing out that he was booked poorly, seeming to suggest that the quality of Rey's matches directly affected how he was booked, as though every 619 and hurricanrana caused a pen to materialize from nothing backstage and start writing scripts under it's own power for Rey to get beaten clean in non-title matches by The Great Khali. Even putting aside the bizzare nature of the claim, it's a totally unique incedent in the history of people complaining about wrestling on the internet. It's the first time people have ever tried to directly tie together workrate and booking, and place all credit/blame for both on the wrestler. Lots of people have bitched about Vince McMahon's booking ruining wrestlers' workrate. This is the only time I can think of that bad booking resulting in (allegedly) bad workrate was laid at the feet of the wrestler, and it's really strange considering that the internet's favorites tend to be guys like Rey, Benoit, Jericho, Eddie, Angle, and other dudes who were booked shittily for large chunks of their careers, and were defended by the internet during those times. It's this weird anomaly in the modern history of wrestling, and I really don't get where it comes from. It sort of happened with Eddie (and Rey, by extension) during the last year of his life, but that was more of a MOVES~! thing that he caught flak for, while the bookers bore the brunt of the blame for the booking (which itself is kind of odd, since the Dominick stuff was apparently hatched by Eddie and Rey, and it all drew gangbuster ratings). But that's what happened with Rey, and I don't suppose I'll ever know why.

So while weird, the criticism of the booking has some logical grounding, even if it doesn't actually reflect on anything Rey did wrong in the ring. It's a stupid complaint in the form it's been used, but that's all it is. The other two big complaints with Rey in 2006 were that he was too small to be credible in heavyweight matches, and that he didn't wrestle the same fast-paced MOVES~!-heavy style he was wrestling a decade ago. It would be wrong of me to say that everyone who feels this way deserves to rot in Hell for eternity, or that the blood of Daniel Benoit is on your hands, but some of you deserve to rot in Hell, and the blood of Daniel Benoit is on several of your hands. This is all on Chris Benoit, don't get me wrong, but just as Vince McMahon and the wrestling business as a whole has taken lumps for pushing Benoit and others to be a certain way that would further their careers at the expense of their physical and mental health, so too have you people done, and so too should you be thrown under the bus for.

He's too small. Jesus Christ. The internet spends a decade whining and crying about how talented young cruiserweights like Rey, Benoit, Eddie, et al are being wrongfully held back in favor of untalented heavies like Hogan and Nash. Hogan and Nash fade away, the cruisers get moved up the card, and now Rey Mysterio Jr. is TOO SMALL. Well NOW you tell him. Rey Mysterio is the heavyweight champion of the world. You've been waiting for this for a decade, you finally get it, and now he's too small. Can't you people ever be happy you got something you wanted? Benoit was champ, Eddie was champ, Rey was champ, C.M. Punk IS champ, Triple H hasn't been champ in 2 & 1/2 years, Hogan and Nash haven't held major World Titles in 5 and 7 years, respectively, WWE is running 10-15 minute matches on free TV pretty much every week with regularity, Finlay is a main event staple, John Cena is putting together one of the greatest years of work in recent memory, and he's the guy getting the big superstar push from the company, WHAT DO YOU WANT? Could you please pick an unreasonably ambitious demand and stick with it? Because you got your last demand several times over, and suddenly it seems you don't want that anymore. Maybe we could put a few more 7-year-old kids in the grave while you decide. It's okay, take your time. It's not like that'll inconvenience you in any way.

He doesn't wrestle like he did in 1996 anymore. Well, no shit, Sherlock. If you wrestled that way in 1996, you wouldn't be wrestling the same way in 2006, either. No one would, and you shouldn't be thinking less of him for not trying. It's not like there's only one way to have a good wrestling match. A while back, when word got out that WWE was "banning" a number of big, flippy, high-flying moves, a bunch of people got cheesed off because they thought it would prevent the cruiserweights from having good matches. "It would take away what makes the cruiserweights unique". Because when I think of "unique" wrestlers, I think of an entire division of guys working the exact same style of match ad nauseum. Really fucking unique. "All cruiserweights are flyers" was an obvious bullshit talking point when it first appeared in the WCW Cruiserweight division. It's a decade later, and people are still buying into it? Oh, and Rey's a luchador, and luchadors are only high-flyers, too. That Blue Panther, what a spot machine. So Rey doesn't wrestle like he did in 1996 anymore. So the fuck what? Is Rey's 2006 style invalid just because his 1996 style was valid? Only one style of wrestling is good? You need to do moonsaults to be a great worker? Fuck, Rey still does lots of high-flying shit. In the Orton match, he did AJ Styles' stupid Asai moonsault DDT thingy about a million times better than Styles ever did. He busts out a bunch of flying offense in this match. The big difference offensively is that he's no longer dashing about the ring from spot to spot to spot anymore. His wrestling is a lot slower paced now, and there's a bigger emphasis on selling for his opponent, but a surprisingly large chunk of his offense is still there. But no, he's not wrestling EXACTLY THE SAME as he did in 1996, so it's no good.

So Rey was booked poorly, is tiny, and isn't wrestling at the blinding pace that he was when he was a decade younger. So what? He was always booked poorly (by smark standards, at least), always tiny, and is still really great working a different style. He has incredible babyface charisma, still has great offense, sells really, really well, and is masterful at playing the underdog. He's as emotionally compelling of a wrestler as there is. What more do you want out of him? The criticism of 21st century Rey is a hybrid of Rey changing with the times, Rey not changing with the times, and Rey being at the whims of the bookers just like EVERY WRESTLER EVER. If I'm reading it all correctly, Rey needs to be 6'0", 255 lbs., jacked to the gills, dashing about the ring at light speed, busting out really, really high-end flying offense, and booking all of his own stuff. It's an impossible request, but since these folks aren't willing to reconsider it, I guess what they're asking for is for Rey to kill himself trying to do it. If we're really lucky, he'll take down Angie, Dominick, and Aaliyah in the process, just like any great worker would. They say you can please some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but I guess some people would rather not be pleased at all. But if you actually like wrestling, if you're willing to accept more than one style of wrestling, and are aware enough of wrestling's fakeness to not mind Rey as the teensiest World Heavyweight Champion of all time, Rey Mysterio's 2006 was dynamite, and this was the highlight.

This match bears more than a few resmblances to Eddie/JBL from two years prior. I suppose that shouldn't be surprising. JBL challenging for the Title held by an undersized Latino champion. Said champion working way bigger than he is. The difference there is that Rey is noticably smaller than even Eddie was, and spends a lot less time on offense, accordingly. Really, in many ways, this match resembles something out of Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!. JBL is HUGE next to Rey, and his style is so theatrical and taunt-filled that you just want Rey to hit the start button and send him flopping to the mat with a big uppercut. JBL is also very different here than he was in 2004. Eddie/JBL was all about Bradshaw as the super heavyweight working cowardly heel against the light heavyweight babyface. Here, JBL is in control of the match more often than not. The match has something of a "what will it take to put him away?" bent to it, but both men are such amazing personalities that you totally buy into it. Some stupid people get the idea that when a wrestling cliche is criticized the way the "what will it take..." match is, or 2.9-fests, or whatever, it's a strict criticism of the cliche. It usually isn't, though. It's usually a criticism of the mindset that turned it into a cliche. Rocky Romero vs. Austin Aries in the midcard of a lesser ROH show probably doesn't merit a "what will it take..." story. Rey vs. JBL does, and they do it spectacularly.

As great as this match is, it almost seems like the wrong match to use to highlight Rey's great 2006 run. Not that there's anything wrong with what Rey is doing here, but this is really JBL's match. Over the course of three years, Judgement Day seemed to inadvertently become the JBL showcase PPV. We watched him develop from the game but clearly in way over his head JBL who fought Eddie in 2004, to the more confident JBL proving himself as a ring general against Cena in 2005, to this match, where he's really established as a complete wrestler, doing everything right in the ring in terms of offense, selling, psychology, and having total command over the audience. As much as I loved watching him at this point, it seems kinda fitting that he would retire within the week. This was him at the peak of his abilities. He had nowhere to go but down. I mean, the dude did the best version of the Three Amigos ever. When Eddie died, everybody took something from his bag of tricks to pay tribute. Chavo did the Frog Splash, which deteriorates over generations like a video cassette. Rey took the babyface comeback shimmy, which doesn't have quite the same punch to it that Eddy gave it. Shawn Michaels took the DDT out of his opponent's finisher counter, but doesn't seem to know quite how it works. Chris Benoit also nicked the Three Amigos and did it alright. And Homicide took all of the above, and none of it really meant anything coming from him. But JBL took the Three Amigos to use as a heel taunt, and did it better than Eddie ever did. I guess a lot of that is due to JBL just having a really gorgeous vertical suplex. He takes his opponent over in a perfect arc, swinging them 180 degrees into a vertical position and falling straight back while keeping his feet planted and maintaining that hold, all in one clean motion. Perfect. Then he does two more and does Eddie's dance in the most perfectly tasteless awkward white guy manner possible.

Then there's Angie at ringside. The presence of a face's family member at ringside is always a great angle for a heel to exploit. JBL aims this match squarely at her. There's the direct moments, like JBL beating Rey against the guardrail by her, then feinting to attack her, too. Or getting the upper hand over Rey in the ring and taking the available opportunity to blow kisses to her. But a lot of this match is designed in a more general sense to have JBL choosing to humiliate Rey rather than simply beating him. Like JBL nailing a Clothesline from Hell and opting to go for the KO finish instead of a pin. It's kind of an odd thing to see in a WWE match, and it's strategically wonky, but JBL is overconfident and he wants to make Rey look like a chump, and he puts it in that context and it makes perfect sense.

But I don't want to take anything away from Rey by praising JBL. It may be JBL's match, but Rey's performance is as strong as we've come to expect from him. It certainly helps that he wore white to highlight his greusome bladejob. Aside from slowing his pace and focusing more on selling, the other big development in Rey's work over the last decade is the introduction of a kicker offense. I'm a guy who thinks it's pretty much impossible to be a great worker without being at least a good striker, but Rey had pretty much nothing in terms of strikes prior to his WWE run. I mean, I'm sure he had something, but nothing stands out in my mind. Did he even do dropkicks? Anyway, WWE main event style is one of the most strike-heavy match styles there is, and pretty much any big babyface comeback in any style requires strikes. Rey learned to kick giant dudes in the knee really hard, and it gives him a bit more depth in terms of what he can bring to the table in a match.

JBL struggles to keep his balance as Rey cuts the big man down to size. There are two really effective ways for heavyweights to sell for juniors. There's the Jun Akiyama method, where you basically no-sell everything until the junior really starts bringing the pain, or wears you down enough, or scores a lucky shot that knocks you loopy. And then there's the JBL method, where the heavy is vulnerable to the junior's offense, but good luck trying to get any of that offense in. JBL spends much of this match toying with Rey, but his carelessness ultimately costs him, as it so often tends to do in these situations. As he starts to lose control, he's quick to lose his temper. A powerbomb gets countered into a hurricanrana, sending JBL into the ropes for the 619. JBL dodges the incoming West Coast Pop, grabbing Nick Patrick (who had been excellent throughout the match, I should note) and pulling him in the way. The momentary confusion allows JBL to hit his powerbomb, but it takes a while for Charles Robinson to hit the ring and start counting, and Rey kicks out at 2 as a result. JBL blows his stack and socks Robinson in the face before rolling outside to get a chair. It's too little, too late, though, as Rey dropkicks it into his face, sending JBL back into the ropes for another 619. Landing out of position for the Frog Splash finish, JBL caps off the match in a suitably Punch-Out!!-esque manner, staggering to his feet, only to flop back down in position, as Rey comes off of the top with the Frog Splash and Nick Patrick recovers in time to count the pin.

Chavo rushes the ring to celebrate, Angie smiles and claps and blows her husband a kiss, Eddie Guerrero is avenged, good wins, evil loses, God is in his heaven, and all is right in the world. Honestly, if the whole Eddiesploitation thing was fazed out after this match, I wouldn't really have had a problem with it. I long ago learned to accept that wrestling is classless, I fully expect them to exploit dead wrestlers when they find it advantageous. Here, they actually used it well. In a lot of ways, this could really be seen as the blow-off to the Eddie/JBL feud. That feud never really was properly blown off in Eddie's lifetime. Angle got involved in the Smackdown cage match, and Eddie went off to feud with him while JBL fought Taker. After his death, JBL re-ignited the feud in a sense. His feud with Rey - as well as his preceding feud with Benoit - was built up with JBL cutting promos about how he beat their dead pal. After beating Benoit, he got to talk about how he was going to beat "third amigo" Rey. And of course, there was his brilliantly disingenous "admiration" of Eddie, with him playing up their association as something he found honorable, while dismissing the value of his actual friend. If you have to exploit a dead guy, that was a great way to do it. If they had ended it there instead of running the same basic angle with Eddie's actual wife and nephew as the dishonest hangers-on, that would've been nice, but them's the breaks. Still, Bradshaw's last few months as an active wrestler were a tour de force, and this was the best way to wrap it up.

And now, by the time I finally get around to finishing this, Rey is back, and still looking pretty sharp. Of course, now seeing someone who had been out that long and injured that many times look that sharp feels more than a little sinister. Then again, all wrestling feels more than a little sinister right now. WWE looks like a slow-motion video of a vampire disintegrating when exposed to sunlight. ROH is hyping matches based on wrestlers getting concussed. Japan is soulless. Misawa barely has two fuctioning brain cells to rub together. CMLL and AAA are in the unfortunate position of being in Mexico. TNA is in the unfortunate position of being TNA. The most entertaining thing in wrestling today is watching it flail wildly under the harsh scrutiny of Congress and the news media. If you told me when this match took place that in a year-and-a-half, Henry Waxman would be the best babyface in wrestling, I'd have laughed in your face. I'm still laughing, actually, just for different reasons. The power of the work is so strong that I don't expect any of the offending parties - those in the biz and those defending the biz alike - to actually learn anything from this experience. I mean, if Benoit killing his family didn't teach them anything, I can't imagine Congress will. But I do enjoy the chaos, and watching their world fall apart around them should be fun. Petty? Selfish? Probably, yeah. But it's not like I'm hurting anybody.