CLASSIC TOMK AND/OR PHIL - 4/10/00 NITRO WORKRATE REPORT

PAS:

The Dream Team, the men who brought you Mark Henry sisterfucker, “There
are No Hulkamaniacs Here”, The crucifixion of Steve Austin, Silk the
Shockers Birthday, Hugh Morris’ incontinent old man, Jake “The Milkman”
Millman - King of the Turkey on a Pole Match, Beaver Clevage , Chucky
challenging Rick Steiner, The castration of Val Venis, The Kiss Demon,
Crusierweight Champion Oklahoma, The Ultimate Warriors’ Magic Mirror,
Pinata on a Pole, Kevin Eubanks - Master of the diamond cutter, Drug
Dealer Droz and suicidal Hawk, NWO Late Night, Nicole Bass frenching
Val Venis and The Giant plummeting off Cobo Hall are back to save WCW.
This is a monumental meeting of world class incompetents, it is like if
Joel Shumacher directed a Joe Esterhas script, or Andrew Lloyd Weber
adapted a T.C. Boyle short story, or Phil Collins wrote some songs for
Puffy Combs. And boy did they deliver, with a spastic BIG SHOW~~,
trotting out lame surprise after lame surprise like some drunk frat
boy, who keeps switching positions, thinking if he can fuck hard enough
he can make his frigid girlfriend cum, I not even faking one today boys.

What Worked


- I hope I don’t lose my smart fan status for this, but I thought Eric
Bishoff made a decent on air heel. His smirky contemptuousness actually
translated decently, If I was ever going to watch Nitro again I am sure
he would start grating on me, but I didn’t mind him tonight.


- Kidman actually showed some skill ON THE STICK, and delivered the
only interesting SHOOT~~ in a night of SHOOTS~~. Pretty funny lines,
although anyone who thinks Hogan will do anything but crush Kidman is a
deluded idiot.


- The first couple of minutes of Shane Douglas v. Ric Flair was pretty
stiff and compelling, as their heat is so long term and legitimate, the
rest is down there.


- Shane Helms’ funny hat


What Didn’t Work


- Is the way to make a show compelling to have the exact same formula
in every segment? Match or lame ass shoot Interview, BIG
SURPRISE~~!!! , Rinse repeat. Boy for all that talk about elevating
young talent, we sure didn’t see any wrestling matches with them.


- Boy Vince Russo has a really compelling camera presence, with his gut
sticking out over his sansabelt slacks, his half unbuttoned K-mart
casual day shirt, neck creep beard, unibrow, squeaky whiney voice with
added Jersey accent and tendency to spend his camera time spewing fetid
spunk all over my screen with lame ass insider SHOOT~~ comments like
some smark at an indy show who reads Wrestline. Boy I have a new least
favorite television presence, sorry Mark Madden your number 2.


- La Parka is the king of fashion, and I was hoping for a cooler suit.
Little disappointed in the chairman.


- Luger and Page (with new haircut, snazzy) mail it in for a couple of
minutes, before Buff Bagwell comes down and starts NIGHT OF SCREWJOBS.
Bagwell vs. Luger might be redeemable as we can see who really has the
world’s worst clothesline.


- Man alive, I imagine the shot of Mark Madden’s pasty white fat
jiggling in the ring was some sort of “Fuck You” to the audience, Russo
and Bishoff giving a collective middle finger to anyone who was still
watching, “You want shocking, you sheep, here is MADDEN UNDRESSED!!”


- WOW ITS SHANE DOUGLAS, HE IS THE XPW CHAMPION!!! WHAT IS HE DOING
HERE!! HAS HE BEEN BRUNCHING WITH RUSSO!! MAN IS HE FAT!!


- Hogan has been wrestling for almost 20 years and he still blades in
full camera sight like Hardcore Nick on some backyard wrestling
bootleg. Nice to see him toss around Kidman like a little punk, I think
Hogan has been watching cousin Mike’s ECW title defenses and has
decided the way to make himself look credible is to get himself a
pinball. Welcome to little Spike Kidman


- Sid v. The Wall has a good chance to beat Sid v. The
Nightstalker, I think these young kids can do it.


- LOOK ITS SHAWN STASIAK!! WHAT IS HE DOING HERE!! DIDN’T HE HAVE A
JAKKED LEVEL COMEDY GIMMICK IN THE WWF!! MY GOD HE ALMOST KILLED
HENNING!! THE CROWD IS GOING MILD!!


- Flair v. Douglas could actually work without any more booking. The
real life heat made for a decent segment, but the rubber baseball bat
shots by Tubby Mc Fat Ass, and the realization that this feud will just
be another vehicle for Russo to put himself over, sort of built up the
bile in my mouth.


- LOOK IT’S THE COLORADO KID!! HE IS THE NWA NASHVILLE CHAMPION WHAT IS
HE DOING HERE!! Hey that’s not the Colorado Kid. Ohh it’s just Mike
Awesome. Boy what an awe inspiring debut for the ECW champion. The kill
the crowd with half assed SHOCK!!! After half assed SHOCK!! And expect
someone to give a shit about Awesome, having him jump Nash just made
him look small, and his mike work was tentative and lame. About the
poorest scenario for a big debut you can get. Horace + Awesome v.
Harris Brothers jerking the curtain by Fall Brawl.


- Hey a Hummer, isn’t that cute


- Main event was the same crap match, crap run-in that every show was,
the brawl at the end was weak, especially since it appears that they
are pushing Timmy Bishoff’s Sensai The Shat in the main heel faction.
The big problem with the NWO, and what eventually killed it’s heat, is
that the faces never were able to exact retribution. The egos in the
group would never cleanly job. Now they have made the egomanically
superstars the babyfaces, and they can have Hogan, Nash, Lugar et all
can cleanly defeat the forces of evil and reign supreme. It is sort of
brilliant actually, but anyone who thinks making the young guys evil
job boys to the same old turds, is progress are deluding themselves.
Hogan is still on top, like he always is and always will be.