ICW New York No Holds Barred 1/4/20

Tessa Blanchard vs. Nick Gage

ER: This was a brawl sprint, with Gage jumping Blanchard at the bell and her playing catch-up the whole time. I think it would have worked a lot better if Gage had taken time to sell Blanchard's shots better. Gage likes these quick brawls where he's pushing through the crowd, pushing through fans while exchanging big punches. But Gage's thing is also that he's the toughest guy in the room, so he's barely getting moved by Blanchard's strikes, and meanwhile Tessa is whipping around a head full of hair every time Gage throws a fist near her head. I like some of the ways they get from A to B, like Tessa taking the worse of a crowd beatdown only to escape into the ring and hit a dive. It felt like they were playing up Tessa getting the advantage even though taking more damage due to Gage being distracted by his adoring throng of fans (and it's true that Gage has more live show charisma than most people I've seen on indy shows the past decade). I don't know if that's what they were going for, but I went there for them because it made the pacing make more sense. Things felt a little abrupt and it was a pairing that sounded more interesting on paper, and the finish of Tessa throwing a chair at Gage's head and then DDTing him on it had some hinks, and Gage kicking out right after the 3 to manufacture controversy always just makes both sides come off worse.

8. Homicide vs. Casanova Valentine

PAS: This was like a version of those incredible Homicide vs. Teddy Hart matches in JAPW if Hart looked like pre-gastric bypass Kevin Smith.  Cide just massacres him early, stabbing him with the ghetto fork and spraying lemon juice in the cuts, smashing him in the ribs with a bolt cutter. Valentine does hit a nice belly to belly to take some control, and even garden weasels Cide in the nuts. Valentine brings out a dildo with nails through it, and Homicide kicks him in the balls and just starts brutalizing. I loved the idea of Cide totally unwilling to play along with that viral Tik Tok bullshit. Ron Funches isn't going to retweet you, I am just got to beat the living shit out of you. The end comes with Cide waterboarding Valentine with bleach and frenzy stabbing an already unconscious Valentine in the the head. Out of control Homicide is still incredibly compelling.

ER: It might be easier to be compelling as a worker if you have a lunatic like Valentine who is willing to bleed and get repeatedly stabbed. That's a big ask, but it seems to be Valentine's thing. This is my first time seeing Valentine, though I'd heard the "King of the No Ring Death Matches" moniker before (which does seem like kind of a hollow title. This match had a ring, but it could have easily been worked the exact same way without one, and "need a good ring" is not something that comes to mind when I think of successful death matches). With his big bushy beard and long hair he came off more "Piglet Champion" than Kevin Smith (although had he brought out a Fleshlight covered in nails I would have conceded the Smith resemblance). Homicide's mugging of Valentine started the match, and continued long enough that I wondered if this was turning into Ian vs. Peter B. Beautiful. I'd be really curious to know how much art there was behind Abby or Homicide's fork stabs; it's a quick bit of violent magic that sure feels like a shoot stabbing, and this is a match where people wanted to see a shoot stabbing. Valentine is a good bleeder (has there been a fat guy who is a bad bleeder?) and that was the star of the match, with Homicide stabbing, squeezing lemons into cuts, choking Valentine over the chain ropes, enough that I was genuinely rooting for Valentine by the time he made a comeback. Valentine hits a great overhead belly to belly and has really nice clubbing forearms. He had brought a Garden Weasel to the ring, and it doesn't really read when he's rolling it on Homicide's back. The motions just make me think of a toddler with one of those Fisher Price vacuums with the popping balls. Speaking of popping balls, the Weasel reads much better when he's hooking and pressing it into Homicide's genitals. The bleach finish felt excessive (feels more "feud ending" than "finish of the 2nd match on a show") but you know there had to be several fat wrestling fan Ackshually guys in attendance who explained that Homicide didn't use proper waterboarding technique. The visual of Homicide fork stabbing the unconscious Valentine was strong.


Jimmy Lloyd vs. Alex Colon

ER: The big spots in this were pretty great big spots, but I think they could have tied them together better. YMMM death matches are weird, weak transitions, just one guy falling into something sharp, then standing up and making the other guy fall into something sharp. Both guys are good at falling into sharp things, so the falling looks great, I just wish there was a little more build or sense to it all. But, the big moments are cool, and there is some nice nastiness in between. Colon looks like Death Match Jaka, and he seemingly has several pairs of scissors stashed in his cargo shorts. He slices Lloyd open with a pair of them, but not before Lloyd smashes the top of Colon's head with a thumbtack bat. Colon has a shaved head and we get the great visual of a couple dozen thumbtacks sticking out of head for the rest of the match. Lloyd takes shots with the same bat, but Lloyd is wearing more clothing and has a full mane of hair, doesn't read as impressively as a nutbar our hear doing deathmatch wrestling with no shirt. The board covered in cut up soda cans really shook me, like they keep coming up with new shocking death match props and I can't handle it. Anyone who has accidentally cut themselves on the mouth of a soda can only experienced the tip of the iceberg; those things are even sharper than razorblades and here's Colon eating a facebuster and a tiger driver on them. Crazy. Cameras mostly miss Colon hitting what looked like a killer tornado DDT tope, and the Spanish Fly finish through a barbed wire board was pretty spectacular. Maybe I liked this more than I realized? At minimum, this made me want to see more Alex Colon, and that's a good thing.

Eric Ryan vs. John Wayne Murdoch

ER: What a couple of bloodletting savages. This brawl didn't rely on sections of extended cutting, one guy holding still for minutes while the other gouges at his forehead, and was instead driven by both guys just bashing each other in the forehead with fists and weapons. No gouging, but a lot of disgusting. We had a board with bent forks, a board with cut up soda cans, a board with razorblades, but the real blood factory are these gusset plates. Eric Ryan gets busted open good on impact, and it only takes him hammering Murdoch's face a couple times with a gusset to get him going too. Things ramp up when the go to the floor, both fighting themselves off the apron through a door, with Murdoch following with a cannonball off the apron, and Ryan bashing him silly with a door ("That door must weight 100 pounds," says a commentator who must think bank vaults are made of wood), Ryan really blasting Murdoch with shots who leans into them before eventually regretting that. The big spots looked great, like a wild superplex from Murdoch through a table, and there was plenty of Ryan stabbing and scraping Murdoch with bent forks before tossing bloody fork souvenirs to the crowd. I really like how Ryan's use of forks lends itself to a better brawling atmosphere, keeps action flowing from spot to spot and keeps blood fresh.

PAS: This was pretty good, Ryan is my guy for US death match workers, and he really opens himself up here. I loved Ryan really wasting him with right hands, and I think I would have liked this better if it was more of that, and less set up fork boards. It's weird, if this was just a regular brawl where a guy grabbed a soda can ripped it open and gouged a guy with it I would love it, soda cans on a board make the insanity seem very set up and performative. I loved the half crab stomps finish by Ryan, although I wish it wish it wasn't proceeded by a tough guy no-sell. I liked more about this then I disliked about it for sure, but it did have some stuff I disliked.


Killer Kross vs. Tony Deppen

ER: Deppen comes out in street fight gear, wearing cutoff shorts and a CZW is Pussy shirt (feels like someone on Drag Race could easily turn CZW is Pussy into a huge brand catchphrase), and Killer Kross comes out to murder him. The show needed a match like this, no blood or weapons but a big crowd brawl and a violent semi-squash like classic ECW. Deppen brings some big knee strikes (including one that really buckles Kross) and tries the Darby body-as-weapon approach, which occasionally works! Deppen's tope into the crowd looked great (the security guys in all black and ski masks is a fun touch to the atmosphere), and Deppen even flies off the White Eagle bar with a crossbody. But a lot of this is Kross catching and crushing Deppen, launching him into ugly hotshots on the chainlink ropes, and finishing the match with some sick rolling Riki back suplexes. The whole match worked really well as a palate cleanser, the violence all coming from throws and collisions instead of gouging.

Necro Butcher vs. SHLAK

ER: I got unexpectedly emotional during Necro's entrance. I knew what to expect from his physical appearance, I'd already been shocked by the pictures, but I was not prepared for seeing him in motion. I'm sure part of it was my mood at the time, but the Freebird entrance combined with the decomposing visage of a legend really hit me. I'm not sure what Necro has, but it is something, and possibly several things, and it's terrible. He's a big guy, and parts of his body still retain some size; he still has big calves and fists, but everything else has been wasted away. He honestly looks like my grandfather in his last days, especially in the face. My grandfather died at age 90. I was actually dreading the match by the time I actually saw Necro walk out, but honestly? The match kind of ruled. Considering all factors, here's a guy who looks like Death's ghost, and that is about as much built in wrestling sympathy as you can get. It's no secret that Necro Butcher is one of my all time personal wrestling favorites. He's one of the most fearless and captivating performers I've ever seen, and one of those guys who I would love to see against any opponent, just because of what he brought to a match. There aren't many guys like that, for me, that you can take literally any opponent, and the match would be intriguing just because of The Necro Factor. Necro Butcher vs. Davey Richards? Yes sir, I saw that match LIVE, and I can't fathom any other situation where I would be excited for a Davey Richards match.

I wasn't expecting a classic Necro performance here, but I really liked what we did get. For a man who looks as brittle as 1998 Giant Baba, Necro is still out here getting punched in the face, punching SHLAK in the face with heavy hands, getting his head bashed with the edge of a trash can lid, taking a chairshot to his elbow, and bleeding hardway. If you want to remind yourself how crazy pro wrestling is, just know that had I been in the crowd and a man who looked like Necro landed near me, bleeding, I would have shoved every woman and child I could find in front of me to shield me from whatever could be. But here's SHLAK continuing to open him up, like a total lunatic. Necro doesn't have the speed he once had, but he's still out there throwing big fists directly at SHLAK's jaw, and SHLAK landed several shots right to Necro's ear, and you could see that ear getting redder with every shot. The "sit and trade" spot is pretty played out at this point, but when one of the participants looks like he's a nursing home resident fighting for his supper, a new level of intrigue is baked in. The big shot that finally sends Necro crumbling from his chair was a great visual, and SHLAK just standing on Necro's skull while trying to rip his arm off was even better. And then my man kicking out of two sitout powerbombs got a reaction from me bigger than anything on the show so far. Necro's arm shot up off that mat like that arm reaching up from the grave in Creepshow, showing that this corpse ain't dead yet. When he kicked out of that second powerbomb I was howling, and yet I was thankful when he stayed down for the third. Necro Butcher is an absolute wrestling legend, and I loved what he was still capable of giving.

PAS: I can't say this was a good match. Necro looks like MPRO Dynamite Kid, and it is shocking how much worse he looks then he did even at Spring Break less than a year before. There was some real drama here, because SHLAK is so sloppy that it felt like any moment he might kill this very sick person he was in the ring with. Necro still has real instincts about pacing and storytelling in the ring, and the end was really compelling, with those perfectly timed kickouts. I just rewatched Necro vs. Joe for my book, and you could see that there were similar timing and and pacing instincts in this match. GCW or ICW should just hire Necro to agent their matches, shit NXT or AEW should hire Necro to agent their matches, I just really don't want to see him in the ring again.

I do wish, if Necro had wanted to get semi-squashed by a guy to put them over, that it was someone better then SHLAK. SHLAK looked like he could hardly lift a guy (who might be 140 pounds at best) up for those powerbombs. I have no idea how someone who is that jacked has so little upper body strength. Maybe he is just wearing a realistic looking muscle suit, or ICW has a big CGI budget.


Dan Maff vs. Mance Warner

ER: Big chops, big headbutts, biggest bumps. I will never complain about Maff just chopping fools, and Mancer is crazy enough to puff his chest out for all of it. This was a real bring out all the stops in ring brawl, with classic plunder like trash cans and doors and chairs coming into play. The match starts with an immediate chop exchange, and it goes long enough that I got restless and a little glazed, and Maff snaps me immediately awake when Mancer turns his back to prep for another chop and Maff just spears him unexpectedly through a door. Mancer's crumpled sell into that shattered door was perfection. And everything was big after that, with Mancer dropping big DDTs (including an awesome tornado DDT where he vaults off a chair), and Maff is one of the best at taking DDTs, rolling them right off the side of his big dome. Maff crushes Mance with a cannonball while Mance is laid out in a trash can, Maff drops him with a piledriver on that same can, and the kickouts get fun in a "why not this is crazy fun" kind of way. We get a great visual of Maff being run throat first into on of the top rope turnbuckle boards, and it looked nasty enough and Maff's sell was so good that I bought it as the finish. Mance beating down Maff with part of that busted door from earlier, and Maff's head burst through the door crazy eyed like Jack Torrance. And then Maff destroys Mance with a nasty suplex, before getting the confirmed 3 with a Burning Hammer. And part of me actually wanted to see Mance kick out of the Hammer, just so he could take another.

2. Low-Ki vs. Masashi Takeda

PAS: This was an interesting style clash, with Ki wanting to work the match clean, and Takeda losing his cool and trying to brawl. The early sprawls and wrestling exchanges were really fast, and caused Takeda to open up a wound on his ear. Takeda eventually tires of the wrestling and kicks Ki low, but each time he tries to bring in weapons Ki counters: Punching a chair out of his hands, using judo throws to avoid scissors shots, so cool. Finish was the kind of unique bit of violence which Ki has been coming up with lately. Ki ties Takeda's arm's behind his back with the belt Ki was wearing with his Gi. Takeda spits on him, and Ki responds with a spinning kick to Takeda's sternum, and a double stomp from an elevated platform directly onto Takeda's spinal cord for a well deserved ref stoppage. After that Takeda is going to be begging to take some gussets to the face. Really fun style clash and Ki just keeps rolling.

ER: I loved how Ki approached this match, playing it totally straight, and the ground game was good enough for both that I stupidly expected it to stay there. Once Takeda grabbed a cool kneebar that made Ki sit up suddenly, I was getting into a mat based main event on a death match show. But Takeda couldn't help himself and just punts Ki in the balls. I loved Ki still selling the nutshot on the floor with a duckwalk around the ring as Takeda dragged him, love the way Takeda's ear blood splattered across his face (Takeda's body is one giant wound waiting to be opened, so not a shock he was busted open early), and love just how damn HARD Low Ki punched a chair into Takeda's face. Takeda went to swing on the floor and Ki punched that thing so hard I assumed he had broken his hand. The work around Takeda's long cutting shears was awesome, with Ki holding him off from stabbing his eyeball, then working slick throws to toss Takeda without getting sliced. I wish Takeda would have taken Ki's kicks a little more seriously, there was one spot in particular where Takeda flipped Ki off and Ki William Tell'd that finger practically right off his hand and in one motion swept back and kicked him in the jaw. But Takeda sold some of Ki's kicks by just standing up after getting kicked. No fighting spirit, just a guy who was now taking his turn. I hate that shit. Luckily this match had Ki stomping through Takeda's torso bones, and that is something I am okay with. He hits one early leap onto Takeda's chest after leaping off the chain ropes, and the match ends with the most cruel Warriors Way possible: Ki plausibly ties Takeda's hands behind his back using the belt on his gi (love Ki in his 1994 UFC skin), batters the defenseless psycho, and leaps off the top onto a balled up Takeda. The finish either properly reset damage he had taken, or completely destroyed Takeda's back for life. Who can be sure?


2020 MOTY MASTER LIST

COMPLETE AND ACCURATE LOW-KI

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Matches from PCW ULTRA No Quarter 8/9/19

Mil Muertes vs. Dan Maff

PAS: Muertes has the PCW title, and this was an expected Boricua slug fest. Muertes has a great short punch and he and Maff pounded on each other, including Maff getting thrown over the guardrail into some chairs, and exchanging chair shots in the ring. Maff landed some real rib smushing sentons too. There was a bit too much hitting and staring while the guy you hit made faces, and I didn't love the finish with Muertes semi-no selling a burning hammer just to hit his flatliner for the pin. Still I dig both of these guys and will always be into a big boy fist fight.

ER: This is an on paper dream match that hadn't ever actually crossed my mind, two guys I always enjoy who have never been working the same place, so this is something that really leapt out at me. And then they make it the opening match on a card filled with constant movement guys! If Warbeast vs. Outlaw Inc. wasn't bookending this card I could have seen showing up for this one and then beating traffic by 2 hours. I liked this a lot more than Phil, I think this totally delivered on its on paper potential. I wanted a big boy slugfest, I got a big boy slugfest, and I honestly didn't notice any of the problems that Phil did. I thought they kept a great pace and impressively ramped things up without approaching overkill. They filled the match with hard standing lariats, big shots in the corner, Maff had some brutal sentons and cannonballs, Muertes brought big arm strikes and a nicely set up lungblower, I thought the whole thing ruled. Maff took a big bump into the front row, both guys beat each other up with chairs, it felt like the best Lucha Underground match that never happened. I was totally fine with how Muertes treated the burning hammer, as they established that Maff had trouble getting him up for it, and Muertes took it as a stomach bump rather than vertically. I liked him taking it lighter but still needing to barely get a hand on the rope to break it, showing that even when not dropped vertically it still came this close to putting him away. And it played nicely into him reversing it and landing on his knees moments later. I thought this was a damn cool first time match, delivering on its potential.

60. Tessa Blanchard vs. Sumie Sakai

ER: Hell yes this ruled. This was some great ass kicking at an awesome pace, and I thought it nailed a classic 90s GAEA feel. Both gals threw fists, and both leaned into feet and fists, and it was all so great. Tessa punched her right in the mouth early on, they traded sharp angles, and Tessa dropped her with one of the nicest cutters I've seen. They had me hooked quick. Tessa came off like a badass in the moments she was getting her face busted open, and the moments she paid Sakai back. Sakai threw a nice beating her way, busting open her nose, stomping all over her in the ring and on the floor, rubbing her boot on her jaw, throwing a missile dropkick right at her face, and then stretching her with a lengthy Indian deathlock. Tessa is always a heel for great reason: I can't think of many wrestlers who read more "heel" than her in 2019. She comes off mean, and this was a cool glimpse of her showing vulnerability while roaring throw the pain. I thought her selling in the Indian deathlock really started to put this match on the next level. Her screams as Sakai pulled her arm back and the wide eyed panic with bloody nose, she saw that blood and she worked with it. She also has this way of going on a real furious comeback, and doing it with babyface energy, but still coming off like a clear heel. Her comeback shots after taking a long beating were great, really looked 1.5 speed in her quick violence. The kicks landed fast and didn't feel locked into combos, and Sakai winning felt like a great moment. Her winning cradle looked like an absolutely impossible trap to escape from, and I loved how she held the cradle past the 3 count, as if she was just as tangled into the pin. The chemistry between them was great, I totally bought into everything they did.

PAS: I haven't thought about Sumie Sakai in years, but I have seen two bangers in the last month (this match and her Bloodsport match). I agree with Eric about how great Blanchard was in this match, she is really great at conveying disdain and that disdain makes the post match handshake a bigger deal. I thought the near fall on the jumping chestcracker was pretty great (although that is a very 2012 IWRG finisher). Sakai's kickout seemed huge, and I liked how that brief shock Tessa had allowed Sakai to hit that awesome cradle for the win. Good stuff, and I need to look for more from both ladies.

47. Eddie Kingston/Homicide vs. Warbeast (Jacob Fatu/Josef Samael)

PAS: This is the stuff right here. Homicide is at his best when he can let his inner psychopath fly, and he jams Josef Samael's face into thumbtacks, stabs him with a fork and hangs him with a chain. They work this as a NYC invasion into California and are working straight heel which is fun to watch. Kingston wanders around the arena talking shit to fans and hitting Fatu with chairs, he also takes a huge thrown Samoan drop through a door which was the biggest bump of the match. Kind of weird to see Warbeast work as babyfaces, but it works surprisingly well. Finish was a no contest with NYC hanging Samael and leaving him laying and bleeding. We get a post match challenge for a Samael and Homicide dog collar match and a Fatu vs. Eddie I Quit match, both of which I am very excited for. This match was JAPW as fuck, which is something I both miss and love.

ER: This kind of felt like an XPW brawl, as you had guys disappearing for minutes at a time, and other guys doing super violent stuff that most people in the crowd wouldn't have even been able to see. It doesn't get much cooler than Kingston/Homicide as invaders, and I like seeing Warbeast as crazed local babyfaces. I love the unhinged babyface as a wrestling character, but it can be done pretty poorly; not here. Fatu is working a 'round the venue garbage brawl while barefoot, total insanity, stubbed toes just waiting to happen. But it doesn't slow down any part of his attack, as he's still falling to the floor, wastes Kingston through a table with the alley oop Samoan drop, and had several moments of popping into frame with a nicely timed punch to the neck. Samael takes some cruel punishment, with Homicide digging a fork into his head (Homicide should keep getting fatter and just spend the next years being the new Abby), grossly hanging him over the ropes with a chain, and my favorite spot: smacking him face first into some thumbtacks on a chair. Fatu even throws thumbtacks at Homicide's face! Kingston is endlessly entertaining in these kind of brawls, impossible to not watch as he swears at people, swears at getting hit, and then grabs body parts and yells. The finish was more to set up a pair of intriguing stips matches, and yeah Kingston and Fatu disappeared through a big chunk of the middle, but this should be the start of something awesome.


2019 MOTY MASTER LIST

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WOW - Women of Wrestling Episode 4 2/8/19

Beverly Hills Babe vs. Eye Candy

ER: It's a pretty amusing heel move for a white woman to be upset that a black woman is touching her hair, I assume this all started in an unseen backstage vignette where Lana and Amber asked to touch Eye Candy's hair "to see what it feels like". But that's about the only decent part of the match, and when the decent part of the match is a storyline that I made up, it's not great. They both work this like they had already had a super tiring 30 minute epic one minute in, both moving slow and selling exhaustion wayyyyyy too early. Babe has some good mannerisms but a lot of her stuff doesn't look great (though her backslide is really good), and Candy has great charisma but a lot of her stuff doesn't look good. I've seen both look better. The highlight might actually be Lana's post match promo saying she saved her from "mediocracy" and that Lana is the real star of the fed. I was impressed with Lana's delivery, no clue what she's been up to the last 20 years (vanity homemade jewelry line, I assume).

Jessie Jones vs. Stephy Slays

ER: I really liked this, a smart 5 minute match with Jones focusing on the arm and Stephy getting some nice comebacks peppered in. All of the early standing wrist control stuff looked good and the mat stuff was fun, Jones carries herself really great and picked up a ton of charisma from her daddy. Slays would get a nice crossbody and rana, but Jones would go right back to that arm, bending the wrist, dropping a leg on it, dropping a knee on it, and we got a fun nearfall where Jones dropped down but Slays shifted to get a roll up. The whole thing was real satisfying, I like what Slays brings as a babyface and Jones really should eventually be moved up to a top feud.

Holidead vs. Azteca

ER: This look like it had a generous amount of editing in spots, especially cleaning up an Azteca headscissors off the ropes. But this gets a lot better when it's just Holidead controlling things and powering Azteca around. Holidead sticks a nice tilt a whirl backbreaker, dug her forearm shots to Azteca's upper back, and she had a real nice avalanche. She also actually got into it with fans which more heels could did in their matches here. Holidead runs nicely into a cool spinning back elbow and takes a frankensteiner, and I liked Azteca's knee in the corner. None of Azteca's strike combos look good, but Holidead is really good at setting up offense for her. This thing could have been a royal mess without Holidead in there. They are giving support to the wrong babyfaces, really should have had Stephy get a win and stop backing Azteca.

Tessa Blanchard vs. Jungle Grrrl vs. Santana Garrett

ER: Tessa Blanchard really has the face of a woman who would send back her ice tea three different times. And this is clearly the best match of the first 4 WOW comeback episodes. The pace is quick and they don't bog it down with a bunch of stupid 3 person stuff, mainly kept it to singles match-ups until the finishing stretch. I especially dug the Jungle Grrrl/Blanchard segments, thought they matched up nicely and wouldn't mind seeing a longer singles match with them. Grrrl has that big pilates strength and she took a German suplex from Garrett like a lunatic, really a much bigger bump than I'd expect to see on WOW (unless they bring back the presumably deceased referee from the original WOW run), liked Garrett using an actual real headlock style bulldog on both of them, thought the sequence where Grrrl pushed Garrett off the ropes and rolled her right into a Blanchard cutter was really cool, thought Blanchard kicking out Grrrl's knee on the ropes was nasty and the chestbreaker that followed looked even meaner. This whole thing played out really well, and the silly double pinfall finish probably sets up a Garrett/Grrrl singles match that will doubtless be ruined by Blanchard. This was a strong way to end what had been a fairly lackluster show.

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WOW - Women of Wrestling Episode 2 1/25/19

I still can't believe Santana Garrett's dad is dead. Opening in ring promo with Garrett and Blanchard was strong, Blanchard's personality is really bringing a lot to this. Also, there was a Blanchard vignette where they basically repeat soundbites of Blanchard over and over saying she's a legend, and she's coming for the title. I want to see Blanchard destroy her.

Siren the Voodoo Doll vs. Princess Aussie

ER: Shaul Guerrero does just about the worst ring announcer read possible when announcing Siren being from New Orleans, Louisiana. The growly drawl she said "Louisiana" with is impossible to listen to without wrinkling your nose at least a little. You cannot hear it and keep a straight nose. Not seen either of these two before, but am enjoying David McLane catching me up on various Australian cultural mythology, but am disappointed he's not doing the same for voodoo culture. Princess wasn't great, so a lot of her stuff relied on Siren doing a lot of working for two, but Siren made it work. I dug Siren taking a headscissors that was almost the equivalent of someone taking a spinnings headscissors from Bernie Lomax. Siren had a bunch of nice stuff, nice grounded facelock, a nice standing splash (no height but nice impact), had some good ideas on what to do to a grounded opponent. I dug Siren's look and how she handled the match, would like to see her against a better opponent. Aussie wins with a frog splash that lands hard but also propels herself to far forward so she kinda faceplants.

Jessie Jones vs. Azteca

ER: We get a long and really weird semi-shoot vignette introducing Jessie Jones and showing her with her mentor, WOW original Selina Majors. They actually turn Jessie heel mid-vignette, starting off presenting her as a tough southern gal who took a bus out to LA, and then by the end she's shooting on her training partner and breaking her arm, and yelling at Selina that THIS WAS HOW PEOPLE USED TO GET BROKEN IN. Things turned y'all. Jones is Tracy Smothers' daughter and I now actually want a Blanchard/Jones team. Jones gets in the ring and does a whole Build the Wall/MAGA spiel, and it comes off genuine, and her having the same horse face that Ann Coulter/Lara Trump/Laura Ingraham have makes it feel all the more authentic. She needs to get their same bottle of blond dye though. I have no clue who Azteca is, but she's not very good, although she is definitely trained. Jones was pretty awesome in this, exclusively targetting Azteca's left arm in really nasty ways, kicking at it and bending it and holding it in all sorts of rough subs (especially liked when she bent it behind her around the bottom rope). Azteca never bothered to actually sell it when she would go on offense, so we have to sit through her doing some bad strike combos and a rope assisted twisting armdrag that looked like she almost broke both her ankles upon landing, though her slingshot tornillo into the ring looked nice. Jones does a ton of stuff to Azteca's arm that looks like it would end a match, and them showing a vignette where Jones broke someone's arm in training and then a match where she keeps trying to break someone's arm is the kind of super simple thing that will always be effective.

LANA STAR IS STILL AROUND!? We get a nice nod to WOW history as instead of doing a promo in a handmirror Lana just does it in a normal full size makeup mirror.

Beverly Hills Babe vs. Tessa Blanchard

BHB is Amber Gallows, and her look reads way more southern to me than "Beverly Hills". And it's kind of weird to be throwing out a heel/heel match this early. Fans are going to be cheering BHB by default because Blanchard has been nothing but a rude asshole and they've never seen BHB, so they're cheering her while McLane is on commentary making botox jokes about her. McLane is really unintentionally hilarious on commentary, as Lana sits in and McLane explains her whole storyline motivation to her as if Lana had just now heard in real time how she was supposed to be acting. The whole match structure is wack, with Babe acting like a heel the whole time while inserted into the face control portions of the match, and she controls a lot of the match. So we get a heel working over the top heel as a face but still working as a heel, and controlling the top heel so long that the top heel gets put into a face sympathy spot because Babe is taunting her during the whole beatdown. It made no sense at all. O'neal isn't very good, a lot of her stuff looks weak, and I wanted to see way more Blanchard here. No part of the layout of this match made sense.

Even with the bizarre layout of the main I still think this was another strong episode, which feels pretty improbable. For all of the McLane-ness of this, they are doing a lot of things right.

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Impact Wrestling Slammiverary 7/22/18 Cherry Picking

Heard good things about the top three on this show, so I was intrigued to check it out

Tessa Blanchard vs. Allie

ER: This was a letdown. Blanchard has been on fire since coming into Impact, really adding more of a spark to a good division, and even having my favorite Impact match of the year (against Kiera Hogan). But I think she gave Allie way too much here. I get there may be a seniority factor at play, but I don't know if Allie has enough material to be given this much of a match. There's a lot of disconnect or set up to Allie's offense here, a lot of played out modern moves like a backcracker and a code breaker, and she doesn't always seem totally able to pull of some of the moves very well. At least she dropped the high pitch squealing. But Blanchard is nuts and takes some sloppy offense anyway. We get a death valley driver on the floor that looked potentially dangerous, and she eats a huge crossbody from the top to the floor. Blanchard was a bit too generous with how much she gave Allie, but I thought Blanchard looked good, and she's got a lot of personality. She really comes off mean, misses moves big like a real heel (her missed senton looked spine rearranging) and looks explosive with forearms. Tessa hits a flat out brutal rana off the top, which Allie looked like she took it on the top of her head. They should have called an audible and had that be the finish. But this is where we get Tessa's big missed senton, and Allie hits a really great superkick for a good nearfall. Blanchard's trap arm DDT is a nasty finisher, and I like that they snuck in the extra nearfall, but that Frankensteiner was brutal and really should have ended. It's silly to have Josh Mathews screaming "THERE'S NO WAY ALLIE WILL BE KICKING OUT..." as she's kicking out and going back on offense seconds later.

39. LAX (Santana/Ortiz) vs. OGZ (Homicide/Hernandez)

PAS: So I need to check out this entire feud, Konan and Eddie Kingston spouting B-Movie gang nonsense it right up my alley, Konan is going off on how their business are legit now and how he taught Kingston the streets seem like rejected Belly script lines and I loved it. This was a totally fun JAPW style brawl with crazy table bumps, lots of trash can lid shots and everyone looking great. Homicide has really looked rejuvenated in the last year or so, and this was a classic Homicide performance, crazy somersault tope through a table, trying to burn Ortiz with Drano, cursing, selling nerve damage, all of the nutty Homicide shit I fell in love with nearly 20 years ago. Hernandez was a beast too, hitting all of his big spots and strutting around. Both LAX guys were clearly amped to work this match on this stage with these guys and were total superballs just flying all over the ring, I loved their Dead President's face makeup too. Kingston cleaning house post match with a sapper and spray painting the belts was great. I am an unabashed Doghouse mark and this felt like a total throwback to that kind of mania.

ER: I came away a little underwhelmed by this. It came off more like 0.7 JAPW brawl, with light trash can lids and too many instances of guys wobbling on their feet while peaking to see how close someone is to hitting their spot. It felt a little sluggish in spots and didn't have that same chaos that the best of the JAPW brawls have. But I came away really impressed with Santana (and the new LAX in general). Hernandez is older and slower but can still throw guys through tables and still hit that big no hands dive. Homicide brought a lot of selling to this and really stepped back to allow Santana to shine and took a lot of LAX's offense, and I thought Santana made the most of it. Homicide's big moment was that wild flipping tope into Ortiz and through a set up table, really the spot that felt like it finally woke the fans up. Santana was running all over the place during the match, hitting dives, punting Homicide in the face, trying not recommended stuff like leaping off Homicide's back into a crossbody, hitting a great rolling senton onto Hernandez (who was laid out on a ladder) and following that up with a sick Asai moonsault, hits a gorgeous high angle cannonball in the corner, just great energy all around. I wish we got more Kingston involvement, he was far too subdued at ringside. I know Konnan can't actually physically move, so you kind of have to match the energy, but Kingston should have been cheapshotting the hell out of LAX. The tacks finish was unexpected (though another overly long set up), but then Kingston comes in with a slapjack and again just makes me wonder why the hell Kingston wasn't slapping the sap out of these saps all match long.

43. Pentagon Jr. vs. Sami Callihan

PAS: Nifty 2000s indy style garbage brawl, which delivered the gore you want from an apuestas match, Callihan was really leaking and Pentagon had a great ripped mask blade job. I am a low voter on Pentagon, but he is compelling in these kind of gore fest brawls, he is mostly a cool look, but that face paint and mask looks cool as shit with blood dripping down. I really dug the Jimmy Jacobs railroad spike spots (have there been any great Jacobs brawls since he got fired from NXT?) Pentagon banging the spike into Callihan's head with a baseball bat was really violent, and the only good wrestling Frye vs. Takayama spot is Fryeakayaming with railroad spikes. The spot where Callihan throws his cocaine in Pentagon's eyes, and a blinded and high Pentagon breaks the ref's arm was some classic Memphis nonsense. I liked how the finish was decisive and Fenix taking out the Crists was a great set up for the head shaving.

ER: If you're gonna do a throwback indy death match, then sure, go on and do it. Pentagon has become a bigger star over the last few years, and while his popularity creeps steadily up the Y axis, his laziness creeps up there with it. But he's clearly willing to go big when necessary, and Callihan is someone who will not allow somebody to half ass a brawl. They go violent pretty early and TNA/Impact has never really shied away from having their guys basically do death matches. I always think of old Sting working death match spots with Abyss, and this is more in their history of two guys out to murder the other. There's some big stiff shots (Callihan never has a problem leaning into those) and Pentagon always lands nicely on superkicks (which Callihan also leans jaw first into). Their spike spots were fantastic, just super dangerous and disgusting. I loved Pentagon's drawn out spike torture of Callihan, hammering them into his head with Callihan's baseball bat and getting immediate flowing crimson. Pentagon clinking the spikes together before stabbing is like an awesome version of Luther clinking empty bottles in the Warriors. Also loved him tossing Callihan a spike and telling him to bring it. I am a person who is essentially in constant fear of having my eyeglasses broken, so seeing two nutmeats throw hard spike shots inches from their eyeballs just seems not worth it at all, but my god was it a visual. This match is partying like it's 1999 so of course both Crist brothers lean forehead first into Pentagon's chairshots. It's not like we've seen anything bad happen to any of those ECW guys from that era. Things drug on a bit long, but it's an apuestas match so you almost have to go over the top. I did think Callihan's piledriver was just too pretty to kick out of, and the set up was way too much for Pentagon's...and then they go full silly with Callihan kicking out of the package piledriver ON all those set up chairs. It was a crazy spot, but it probably would have been more unexpected to actually have it finish the match. And I appreciate Phil coming up with an entertaining reason for the powder spot, but I think assuming Pentagon went into a 5 second cocaine blackout might be giving them a bit too much credit. Still both guys busted ass and had a memorable mask/hair match filled with the violence you'd want from both guys. Booking a violent hair match when you're starting to thin on top is a smart business strategy, one oddly not capitalized on by WWE and Baron Corbin (they could have had a Viktor/Corbin match end in a double pinfall leading to both getting shaved). It reminds me that in the next year or two I'll have to challenge someone, because it will be a damn shame when I just start buzzing my head again, for no reason. Someone at least gotta cut my head open.

9. Austin Aries vs. Moose

PAS: Really great title match, up there with the best of Aries's ROH title defenses. Loved the early part of this with Aries working like Flair against Road Warrior Hawk. When it got into the big near fall section at the end, we got some absolutely huge near falls. Hadn't seen much Moose before, but he has some fun power moves and a willingness to take some big bumps, I really like his no hands headbutt. I liked how Aries kept using cheapshots to get an advantage, and we had some killer big spots, including Aries getting tossed into the crowd, Moose killing him with a forearm counter to the low tope, Moose missing his dive on the ramp, and Aries going for almost a stinger splash on the outside. The finish was decisive, but still left me wanting to see a rematch. Just great stuff all around, kudos to both guys.

ER: What a fantastic match and I think a legitimate contender for best TNA/Impact match ever. Low-Ki/Sonjay Dutt was fantastic but this felt like a classic, like an modern take on Flair/Luger. Earlier in the year Impact aired a tag match from NOAH featuring Moose, and I thought he looked like a total superstar in that match. And while I've liked his Impact work I've never been quite as impressed in the same way. Well, here I think he turned in one of the finest heavyweight performances of the year. And Aries is arguably the best wrestler in the world who we rarely write about. This will be only the 5th time we've written about Aries, and the first time in 5 years he's shown up on our MOTY List. But I loved this match so much, just a classic big title main event. This hit me in a similar way to the Gargano/Almas match, where things kept building perfectly and the execution from both men was impeccable. The match made Moose look like a guy who should be a big player in wrestling, and it made Aries look like a guy who shouldn't be stuck wrestling other guys around 205 pounds.

Aries' strikes (especially those quick and sharp back elbows) looked like something that would hurt any wrestler, and he never let any little attack slide. One of my favorite little moments of the match was when he and Moose were fighting on the floor and with Moose slumped in the railing Aries walks up and whips him with a nasty side kick to the stomach. It's a little thing, but you see guys throw away or space out on those kinds of exchanges all the time, enough that it really stands out when they're not. All of the big spots looked fantastic. I leapt out of my chair when Moose countered Aries' tope. We've seen that spot a lot over the last decade, and we've seen some nasty variations on it (Sasha falling out of the ring onto her head after Asuka kicked her out of the air comes to mind), but this might have been the best executed version of that spot. Aries looked like he flew into a brick wall, body horizontal practically in mid air when Moose countered that low angle tope, like Wile E. Coyote running into a tunnel painted onto a cliffside. When Aries eventually does hit that tope it looks great, really slamming fast into Moose. All of Moose's power offense looks even better against Aries, who is not only smaller but a guy who knows how to take offense. I love press slam spots so a press slam spot with a guy getting thrown into a crowd is just icing. But Moose shows Aries a thing or two about taking nasty spills, wiping out rows of chairs after flying into the crowd, and crashing like an air show disaster on a dive to the entrance ramp. That tumble was really nasty and sprawling, and Aries followed it up with a killer running double knee strike, running down the ramp way to plaster Moose against the ringpost. Moose threw a couple cool headbutt cut-offs, and Aries had great ideas about how to logically come back on offense. This match up went so well that I suddenly want to see much more from both, and they weren't exactly guys who were strangers to my eyes before now. Excellent title match, one of my very favorite matches of the year.

ER: This show definitely delivered, even the matches that we didn't write up were worth checking out. Any show with three matches landing on our MOTY List is notable, and this show really felt like a company worth spending time with. How often have you said that about TNA?

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2018 Ongoing MOTY List: Blanchard vs. Hogan

56. Tessa Blanchard vs. Kiera Hogan Impact Wrestling 4/26 (Aired 6/14/18)

ER: A kind of out of nowhere fun No DQ match, a nice peak for the so far quietly quality women's division that Impact has been putting out. Rosemary, Taya, Su Young have all been putting on nice weekly performances, and Tessa has been coming off great in her few appearances. She looks like a real bitchy old money mean girl, like a modern pro wrestling version of Joan Collins on Dynasty. This is a quick paced match that makes good use of the No DQ stip by using stiffness and bumps instead of wasting time setting up complicated props spots. They make everything look good, nice ramp fighting, hard dropkicks, hard elbows, tough stomps, a big Saito supple from Tessa, neck cranked on an abdominal stretch, nice DDT from Hogan, and a big finish with a twisty facelock onto a chair. I've enjoyed several Impact women's matches this year, and this feels like the best of the bunch so far, and something I hope they keep excelling with.

PAS: Eric really comes up with some oddball recommendations, no way I would ever watch a Impact women's match with out him nominating it, but this was fun stuff. Blanchard works really stiff here, as the veteran who wants to punk out the rookie. Loved her running elbow with Hogan in the ropes, she really tenderized her kidneys. That spinning facelock into the chair seems like it would look stupid 99 times out of 100, but it looked like it might have knocked all of Hogan's teeth out.


2018 MOTY MASTER LIST

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Mae Young Classic Episode 4

1. Candice LeRae vs. Renee Michelle

ER: I thought this was fine, but it also felt like an indy touring match. I liked Michelle when she was setting up LeRae's offense, but thought there was too much hesitation when she would go for strikes. But LeRae has a lot of offense so you need someone capable to set it up. A lot of LeRae's offense requires someone to be missing something, so you need to plausibly miss a lot of things or run at her a bunch. So Michelle was always good at running into a legsweep, missing a shoulderblock to take a knee on the apron, missing on a spin kick to set up a roll up, missing a big moonsault, that kind of thing. She would also toss out little things like kicking out of a pin while also jamming her forearm into LeRae's jaw. I wish Michelle would have responded a bit more as a heel, since the crowd was naturally behind LeRae and was trying to suck up to Gargano. I liked LeRae's jawbreaker and her ramped up forearms in the corner, and the neckbreaker off the top looked like a finish. This whole thing ran smoothly, but maybe a bit too smooth. It all felt really mapped out.

PAS: I liked the forearm's in the corner by LeRae and her neckbreaker finish was nasty, but this felt in parts like a swing dance routine instead of a fight (the Garganos must rule on wedding dance floors). Lots of miss this, flip that, kip up kind of stuff which was a little too stilted to transcend the silliness of it, Rey and Juvi could do it, these two couldn't pull it off.

2. Taynara Conti vs. Lacey Evans

ER: I've not seen either gal before, but Conti looks like Grace Helbig and I've always disliked that USO show pin-up gal look, the whole Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy thing comes off too Halloween. I think both these two are pretty new, so parts of this were somewhat disjointed, but I kind of appreciated the disjointed parts after the cleanness of the prior match. But I liked how Conti stepped up as a heel, and thought some of her throws were really cool. I mean, if you're a Brazilian judoka you better have a couple cool throws. I'm not really excited for the Evans/Storm match up. It feels like a battle between two Spirit Store advertisements.

PAS: There is something kind of gross about having a combat marine and turning her into some weird burlesque fetish object. The whole thing felt like a GLOW gimmick. Probably a mistake to have a rookie v. rookie match, as both ladies had cool moments but lots looked awkward. Conti is way more interesting to me, and would have rather seen her try to throw Piper Niven or Shayna in the next round..

3. Nicole Savoy vs. Reina Gonzalez

ER: I gotta go hard for Savoy in this tourney. She's definitely the one I've seen live the most since she's a Bay Area gal, and she definitely deserves to be here. It was weird they kept referring to Savoy as the queen of the suplexes and then put her against someone who she doesn't try to suplex. That said, I liked this. Reina seems like kind of a lug, but they worked that in well. Savoy's standing rana looked great, and I liked Gonzalez catching her by the hair and hitting a monster lariat. The finish was a really cool slow burn, my favorite finish of the 1st round: Gonzalez grabs Savoy in a torture rack attempt and slowly realizes she's in a spider web. You can see Savoy with a double wristlock on as Gonzalez tries to maneuver her, but Savoy keeps making herself heavier and Gonzalez drops to a knee, and before long Savoy has adjusted weight into an armbar. I love the time they spent on the finish, thought the slow build was totally worth it.

PAS: They really booked a lot of big girls in this tourney and it has been fun to watch the different ways that they work as powerhouses. Reina works this match like a brick wall, she won't get tossed by arm drags, the queen of suplexes can't lift her, and she smashes her with clotheslines and forearms. Finish was completely awesome, felt like a hidden Fujiwara finish, with Gonzalez not realizing she was in trouble until it was way too late, I loved how we got to see every part of the move up until the finish, so cool and maybe my favorite finish of 2017.

4. Kairi Sane vs. Tessa Blanchard

ER: Killer little match, and while Kairi being in the tournament was one of the things that piqued my interest in the MYC, I came away way more impressed with Blanchard. Both impressed, but Blanchard would probably be the one eliminated woman I most wanted to see advance. She held headlocks tight (and threw nice punches in the headlock), drilled Sane with her elbows, brought an intensity that a lot of them didn't. But both gals impressed. There were a lot of roll ups in the match, and there were no cheapies; both of them fully committed to them and it was cool to see roll ups with somebody actually using their full weight. Both were really good at applying and selling submissions: I though Tessa was really nasty locking in that abdominal stretch, yanking on Sane's head the entire time to twist. And Sane had a nice escape with some elbow points right to the thigh. Later, Kairi locks on a nasty octopus and I outright loved Tessa getting in a painful crouch and walking step by step to the ropes. Blanchard was aces at throwing in callbacks to her hurt back, holding it after that octopus, really screaming in pain after hitting her big senton, all nicely setting up a nice Kairi axe kick that puts her down. There was too much cool stuff in this, like Blanchard's headbutt, her sliding elbow strike to Sane's back, Blanchard's short clotheslines building to a deadlift back suplex; but even with Blanchard's convincing attacks, her selling was excellent enough throughout that I totally bought her staying down long enough for Kairi to hit her massive elbow. Really bummed Blanchard won't be advancing, she was arguably my favorite of Round 1.

PAS: Totally agree about Blanchard, she really wrestled like her dad, tight violent and simple. The moment where she cracks Sane in the throat with the forearm was killer, it really woke Jim Ross up. I also loved her catching the Sliding D into a roll up, great bit of scouting and that would have made a killer finish. Kairi is obviously a pro and a star, although she comes more from the Manami Toyota school of Joshi and I am more of an Aja Kong guy. The elbow looks as great as advertised, although I do wish she hadn't made Tessa sit there while Kairi ran through all of her video game taunts. Sane kind of comes off like Ibushi in the CWC, the most polished, biggest star, but I am more interested in the quirkier folks.

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