On Brand Segunda Caida: Squash Matches!!

Kendall Windham vs. Keith Hart WCW Saturday Night 2/25/89

ER: I really love these young Kendall Windham squash matches. This one goes over 5 minutes, stretched out by Windham continually grabbing smothering chinlocks. It goes long enough that Windham runs out of offense so just starts cycling through his array of powerslams and bulldogs, to my glee. And to be clear this is not Keith Hart, brother of Bret. This is a guy who pulled duty in WCW around this time and always took a big beating, the kind of guy who was undersized but deserved more of a shake just for making guys look this good. Windham had begun working heel around this time - and the aggression suited him - and Hart made sure every single move Kendall attempted was going to look great. Hart was small enough that Kendall was able to throw him around pretty easily, which lead to some really nasty stuff. Hart was the kind of lunatic that would take a huge flipping bump off a big lariat, real nice complementary forces at play here. Kendall had a real nice chinlock, tightened at the wrist, big arm wrapped in tight around Hart's jaw and mouth, not so much killing time as softening that neck up for the killshot bulldog. Kendall and Hart are two of the only people who can make that "hand on back of head" bulldog look awesome, with Hart pancaking himself into the mat and Kendall making it look like Hart had no say in the matter. Powerslams, bulldogs, big lariats, and the kind of chops that send a guy flying up onto ropes? What more could you want? Well, if you find yourself wanting more after this, it turns out that Kendall Windham's extended squash of Keith Hart was so enjoyable that it prompted a YouTube user (found in this very linked match) to write a piece of bully porn fanfic in the comments section. Very Hot Stuff.

The Heavenly Bodies vs. Todd Morton/Larry Santo WWF Wrestling Challenge 3/19/95

ER: I always love it when Tennessee indies make their way onto WWF programming. The mid-to-late 90s Lawler and Cornette influences were a cool way to take guys who felt way more like WCW workers and put them in front of a different crowd. The Heavenly Bodies were such a kickass off the gas southern Steiner Bros., and like the Steiners were one of the great 90s WWF team of crowbars. I tend to think Steiners, Beverlys, Heavenly Bodies, and Headshrinkers, in that order. Those teams always found new and painful ways to destroy jobbers. And Tennessee jobbers are always great to be destroyed, always the perfect jobber for my sensibilities. Todd Morton is a longtime Segunda Caida favorite and here's he's sporting his most accurate Ricky Morton look while he and Santo get taken apart by the Bodies. Prichard is always trying out suplexes and powerbombs, Del Ray grabs Morton way down around the knees in a wheelbarrow and actually lifts him up for an Ocean Cyclone, and just drops him on his face. Santo is a guy who turns up a lot on WCW in job work, feels out of place on WWF TV, but he always has a fun "clumsy guy getting his ass beat" vibe to him. Del Ray always looked like he landed heavy on that moonsault, and this was simple two squash match legends in with two pros. Great junk food.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Duane Gill WWF Raw 6/12/95

ER: I'm really falling for these mid90s 150 second WWF gems. The 1995 WWF squash match formula got so much more done than the 2020 WWE squash match formula. 1995 squashes really make 2020 squashes look like sluggish bores. Modern squashes are arranged around three big moves, with a lot of slow walking and growling and camera posing in between. They're no good, and the roster is filled with guys who could be having more engaging squash matches. Every guy on the roster in 1995 knew how to have a killer 2-3 minute squash. It makes for the most easily digestible candy 25 years later. Bigelow showed off his speed and strength here, doing an amusing roll feint to duck a Gill lockup, then just running off the ropes and splatting him with a shoulderblock. Bam Bam throws in cool amateur flurries, fast takedowns, cool floatover on a pin, real agile stuff. Gill bumps real high on a backdrop and doesn't flinch when getting squished by Bigelow. Gill's comeback was impressive too, as he really clubs into Bam Bam and throws the best strike of the match, a hooking right to the jaw that made a surprisingly loud crack. He goes up top and flies directly into Bam Bam, with Bam Bam catching a grown ass man effortlessly over his shoulder, tossing him into the turnbuckles, and hitting one of the best snap vertical suplexes I've seen. I love the specific motion Bigelow used on his vertical suplex here, really made it look like he was whipping Gill into the mat. I love this format.

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SLL Reviews Things That Victator Uploaded

Victator is one of my favorite internet wrestling dudes. His love for the pro wrestling is positively Rasmussen/Naylor-esque, and I can always get down with that. He's also a guy who has an eye for wrestling obscurities or stuff that fell through the cracks for whatever reason. This is the guy who will point you to Dan Severn vs. Tarzan Goto from the IWA Japan King of the Death Matches Tournament. In the middle of one of the most watched cards amongst puro nerds ever is this match that no one ever talks about being great, featuring two wrestlers no one ever talks about being great, and it takes a guy like Vic to hip you to this match so you can see just how awesome it was. That's a good guy to have around. Anyway, he had this blog, "Legion of the Damned", where he'd post a lot of random matches that tickled his fancy for whatever reason, but he eventually fell out of it. Well, he's decided to start it up again, and I'm more than happy to help spread the good word. If you're any kind of obsessive wrestling fan at all - and if you're not, what the fuck are you doing on this blog? - you owe it to yourself to check out Legion of the Damned.

Ric Flair & Barry Windham vs. Ricky Morton & Tommy Rich
WCW - 1991

This is exactly the sort of thing that Victator is good for. It's the main event of a random Power Hour from '91 (and by the way, that is the best name for a wrestling TV show ever, FWIW), and even if you saw it at the time, odds are you forgot it even existed by now. But when an awesome match like this slips through the cracks, Lewis Black Victator catches it for a segment blog that we like to call Back in Black Legion of the Damned.

This is worked like your really old-school lengthy tag matches, where there's an extended heel-in-peril section at first, getting the crowd sufficiently fired up before the heels lower the boom. Morton punches the shit out of both Flair and Windham, which pretty much makes this match good by default. Rich isn't afraid to lay into the baddies, either, which is kind of a pleasant surprise, as you don't usually think of 1990 Tommy Rich being anything special. Flair and Windham eventually give it right back to the faces, and Ricky Morton ends up playing himself. This goes double after Rich gets mauled on the outside, and Big Josh takes him backstage to safety, leaving Morton with no house afire available. Crowd chants "We Want Sting!" and sure enough, when things are looking their bleakest for Morton, the crowd roars for the arrival of.....El Gigante. The referee is understandably hesitant to let Gigante just take Rich's place in the match - as are we all - but soon enough, Morton escapes the heels' clutches makes the rolling tag, and Gigante is.....actually kinda good? I mean, he doesn't get to do a whole lot before Sid runs in for the schmozz finish, but for a guy forever burned into my memory as a nearly immobile naked dude, he looked decidedly spry (and decidedly clothed) for the less-than-a-minute he was in action. Charging at the heels, throwing a pretty nice clubbing forearm at Windham....fuck, are we sure he was always bad? I know this isn't a lot of evidence to base anything on, but for a guy we often think of as being the worst wrestler ever, he looked totally OK. So anyway, Sid comes out, schmozz finish, then Big Josh comes out with his axehandle to run off the heels, and you actually want to see the logical six-man tag follow-up.

One Man Gang vs. Greg/Brett? Sawyer
WCW - 1991

Victator is also a man who can appreciate a good squash, and this is a pretty good one. I can't tell what the jobber's first name is. I want to believe it's Brett Wayne Sawyer, but I can't prove it. Anyway, he does his thing pretty well. He's got the openning comedy bit where he tries repeatedly to clobber Gang from behind, but Gang doesn't even notice he's there. Then when he actually goes to work, Sawyer gets bumped around plenty for his troubles. Gang didn't seem to bring the asskicking you'd hope for, but Sawyer held up his end of the bargain pretty well.

Stan Hansen vs. Larry Santo
WCW - 1991

This, on the other hand, is exactly the kind of asskicking you would expect from Hansen. Santo puts up a noble effort, getting a few nice looking shots in, but Stan mauls him and beats him without ever having to spit out his chewing tobacco. Maybe a minute long, tops, but that was one hell of a squash.

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